People will frequently say two major things in life can be difficult to discuss.
Politics and money.
Money is a particularly personal topic.
Especially when it’s owed.
Having heated talks about money can bring about a bunch of drama.
Many relationships have been left in tatters after money discussions.
Redditor Glad-Advantage-2870 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA For laughing at my ex’s mother and telling her how much child support I’ve been receiving?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My ex and I parted ways back in 2023.”
“Ever since it happened, the communication with him and his family has been rocky.”
“He was not interested in providing for our child (6), and I had to apply for child maintenance.”
“He’s in debt with them (circa £1.3k) and has only paid about £120 in total.”
“I’ve not been on good terms with his parents.”
“Amongst other things, they asked me not to apply for child maintenance, etc.- as their boy cannot afford it, and so on.”
“So you could say we’re not the best of friends.”
“Here’s where the problem started.”
“They recently found out about quite a few concerts I’m planning to go to.”
“Yes I’d posted about it on S[ocial] M[edia], but they have no access to my accounts.”
“I don’t know how exactly they found that info.”
“Recently, during child drop off, my ex’s mother got very upset about the concert mumbo-jumbo and started telling me off for making my ex pay child support I just waste on myself and so on.”
“I couldn’t hold it in and just started laughing, which aggravated her even more.”
“When she stopped ranting, and I stopped giggling, I told her that her son’s child support wouldn’t even cover the travel cost of the trip, and they could rest assured that I don’t live off of his child support given.”
“That I wouldn’t be able to raise my child on that amount, let alone the both of us.”
“I should’ve stopped there, but I also added that so far, we’ve received approximately £10/month [note: I said that without doing the math, truthfully it’s £11.09 LOL), which doesn’t even cover the cost of fruit my child eats.”
“Neither of them has any say in how I spend MY money.”
“Note: I’m not sure if it matters, but yes, I work full time, so I spend my earned money.”
“She called me a liar and stormed off.”
“Now their whole family is upset with me, saying that I was rude, and they expect apologies.”
“I was also told that I was an a**hole for telling them how much I actually receive as it’s put my ex in a bad light.”
“My friends are divided too- some found the situation hilarious, and others say that while it was fair to stand up for myself, I shouldn’t have told her how much I get in Ch[ild] M[aintenance].”
“In my defense- I had no idea it was such a big secret. I genuinely assumed she just didn’t care about the amount and just focused on the idea of me getting any money from them.”
“Also, it’s worth noting: My child didn’t witness this interaction. She was already indoors.”
“I’m sure it would’ve gone differently (I would’ve stopped the rant sooner) with the kid present.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA for laughing and telling her how much I’ve been receiving?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Nope, I told everyone about the £10 per month my kids were expected to live off to anyone who told me I was living off of my ex’s hard-earned dosh.”
“If he’s a deadbeat, make sure everyone knows about it because I am not going to work my a** off to maintain my children in a good lifestyle while he takes the credit.”
“Ex was similarly upset because I set the record straight.”
“Apparently, I cause his manliness, hurty feels, or something I couldn’t give a crap about.”
“OP NTAH!!” ~ Frankifile
“Yeah… at one point my ex owed about $50,000.”
“That amount doesn’t happen overnight when you’re supposed to be paying ~$500/month.”
“I was accused many times by whoever he ran his mouth to of being a gold digger (LOL) to trying to ruin him financially out of spite (lolol).”
“I would have laughed too, sister. F**k that.”
“Let them know the truth about their baby boy. NTA.” ~ blue_suavitel
“No, I think it was perfectly reasonable that you discussed the amount of child support you were receiving.”
“She brought it up.”
“She accused you of blowing the money her son was supposedly giving you for your child on fun stuff for yourself.”
“The only logical response to that is what you said.”
“The amount he has been giving you barely covers one box of strawberries.”
“This leaves her with absolutely no way of accusing you and trying to reduce/stop child support.”
“If she reported to the judge that you are taking the money for yourself and not your child, that could cause unnecessary court time.”
“Obviously, you would be able to prove otherwise, but it would still be a HUGE waste of your time.” ~ plahaie
“NTA. Your ex is a deadbeat father, which is among the lowest of the low.”
‘And the money he owes you is the obligation he took on when he became a father.”
“It is his responsibility and if he and his family had any testicular fortitude, they would live up to their obligations and not try to guilt you into giving up what rightly belongs to your child.”
“You don’t owe them an apology – they started it.”
“It’s not your fault they can’t take what they dished out.” ~ bamf1701
“And of course, he’s not blaming himself for failing to be the man he apparently wants to be, he blames others which is oh such a manly trait.” ~ pay_student_loan
“And it is so illogical.”
“OP makes enough money to support herself and the child, so therefore, the child’s dad shouldn’t be required to pay anything in child support? Really?”
“That’s what his family thinks.”
“All the costs for the child should be 100% on mom because ‘she can afford it.'”
“Guess I know who was the breadwinner when they were married.” ~ One_Ad_704
“NTA. You simply explained as to how you couldn’t live off the deadbeat’s child support.”
“Also, he should be seen in a bad light if he doesn’t want to support his own child.” ~ HolSmGamer
“So much this.”
“And I’m really tired of people getting mad when someone is attacked for things that aren’t true and they set the record straight.” ~ embracing_insanity
“NTA, but why give them any information about your finances or activities?”
“If your goal was to give her the business, then it would have upset her even more had you simply shut the door in her face.”
“There was no need for you to defend your actions; indeed, it only led to them demanding – completely unwarranted – apologies.”
“Less is more.”
“Tell them nothing, and don’t post your business on SM.” ~ CandylandCanada
OP responded…
“I didn’t give THEM information about my activities.”
“I only have (supposedly) close friends seeing my SM posts.”
“As I mentioned- his family should not have access to my SM (though I may have to double-check the list), so I did not expect it to cause any issues.”
“I simply use my SM to post things my actual friends may be interested in knowing.”
“As for the finances- yes, I agree, I should not have carried on with the lengthy explanation; it was pointless to discuss the ChM amounts; I simply did not know that they hadn’t known.”
“I just assumed that in their mind, ANY child support was too much, considering that I ‘waste it on myself.'”
“We’ve actually already been through this as it happened once.”
“They know they can’t have my kid when he is not around, and if they attempt it and make my kid lie, they’ll lose any visitation rights.”
“Also, if I find out they feed her lies about me, we will end any communication and deal solely through family court.”
“In our agreement, I taxi my child one way and they (usually the parents, I really don’t mind who is the driver, to be honest, as long as she spends time with her dad), drive her the other way.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. If he doesn’t want to be thought of as a deadbeat, then maybe he shouldn’t be a deadbeat.”
“Your ex-M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] opened the door for you to say that the second she criticized your spending and objected to it based on the ‘fact’ you receive child support.”
“You’re absolutely allowed to walk through the door she opened.”
“You do not owe anyone lies… even if the truth makes them uncomfortable.” ~ Total_Vegetable_2246
“NTA at all.”
“It’s the old adage that if you don’t want the truth known, you should behave better.”
“Your ex is a deadbeat and shouldn’t be crying to mommy that he can’t afford to support his child.”
“If that puts him in a bad light, he brought it on himself.”
“Tell them there will be no apologies as you have no control over his bad behavior and have nothing to apologize for.”
“The truth is not being rude, and you have no way of changing it.” ~ squirrelsareevil2479
“NTA. She started the conversation and attacked you for your finances and lifestyle.”
“It’s fine to set her straight and give the facts.” ~ Having-hope3594
“Obvious NTA.”
“All you did was defend yourself.”
“If anything, your ex needs to talk to his mother about apologizing to you.”
“Especially if he wants you to feel comfortable enough to drop your kid off there. Hell no.” ~ Aggravating-Item9162
“NTA! Mommy needed to hear the truth about her little deadbeat boy.”
“You don’t owe anyone an apology – MIL owes YOU an apology.”
“I suspect your ex has been telling his family some tall tales about you.”
“If his family continues to harass you, double down and tell them exactly how it is.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA… tell them SHE was rude, and she can have an apology when hell freezes over.”
“If they didn’t want to be set straight, then they shouldn’t have poked their noses in your business.”
“I had MANY problems with my ex’s parents, and eventually it gets to a point where you don’t want to keep your mouth shut anymore when all the hate is focused on you and the nonsense from your ex is enabled by their family.” ~ Horror_Proof_ish
“NTA. This woman wanted to shame you and make you look like a leech.”
“You pointed out that her son actually is.”
“Also they can’t be both mad at you for the money and mad at you for the lack of.”
“This is a twisted way to corner you.”
“You can do no good, basically.” ~ Chocolatecandybar_
“Very few people would know if the MIL had just kept her mouth shut.”
“Not your fault she’s a blabbermouth. Lol.”
“NTA And, if she did this in front of others, it’s her own fault for having that conversation in front of others.”
“If she wanted to keep it private, she should’ve kept it private.” ~ radicalcoach
“Absolutely NTA, your ex’s mother shouldn’t be mad at you for ‘exposing’ how little he’s been paying, she should rather be mad at him.”
“The audacity.” ~ waldo_varmkorv
“NTA here.”
“Well, laughing might have been a bit much, you were absolutely justified in defending yourself.”
“It’s ridiculous that they’re giving you grief about concerts when ur ex barely contributes to your child’s basic needs.”
“You work hard and deserve to enjoy your own money.”
“They have no right to dictate how u spend it.” ~ SassyWestt
“Betcha, he’s been telling them that he’s paying you a lot more than that and using it as an excuse to not pay them whatever he owes, or to mooch free rent, or whatever. NTA.” ~ _s1m0n_s3z
“NTA, she can’t fathom how a woman can earn more than her deadbeat son.”
“You should make this as public as possible.” ~ lovescarats
From your earlier statement, it sounds like you’ve made peace with your situation.
You had no malicious intent. You were merely truth-telling, and Reddit agrees.
If your ex-MIL feels so bad, maybe she should chip in.
Good luck with them in the future.
And enjoy your concerts!