Redditor aita71 is a grandmother and volunteered to babysit her three grandkids while her son and daughter-in-law were at the hospital awaiting the arrival of their fourth child.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) previous births have been long-winded, so the OP and her husband requested their son’s help with their kids while they waited for the birth to get going.
This caused an argument between the OP and her son and daughter-in-law, ultimately driving her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for asking my son to come home to help with his kids, while his wife was being induced?”
She went on to explain.
“I [71-year-old female] have a son [39-year-old male] whose wife [36-year-old female] gave birth to their fourth child nine months ago.”
“All of her births have taken a long time, and she has been induced the last two times, including this one.”
“My husband [72-year-old male] and I were babysitting the three older kids [5-year-old male, 4-year-old female and 2-year-old female).”
“She was induced at eight in the morning, and by one in the afternoon, there was not much progress, if any at all.”
“Since the kids are a handful, I told my son he needed to come home to help for a few hours since it looked like it would take a really long time.”
“Since they live half an hour away from the hospital, he could go back if anything happened.”
“So it is not like he wouldn’t be present when the child was born, which I, of course, understand is a big moment for him and his wife.”
“My son took great offense to my request and told me to suck it up, bribe the kids with treats or whatever worked for us, and that there was no way he would leave his wife’s side.”
“Unless there was an emergency with one of the kids like they were admitted to the hospital or something.”
“I told him that the kids were their responsibility and that they couldn’t expect us to babysit around the clock if this took days.”
“He told me we should not have said yes to babysit at all if we wouldn’t stick it out, since one never knows how long a birth will take, but that he would get someone to come, and then he hung up.”
“Three hours later, someone showed up, and we went home.”
“We offered to babysit for a few hours the next day, but our offer was declined because the people who came to relieve us stayed until the baby was born and my son came home.”
“After this, they have not asked us to babysit once and have hired a sitter instead, which we feel is a waste of money since we are available for free.”
“We get to see the grandkids if we visit them, but they very seldom visit us, compared to before.”
“I tried talking to both my son and DIL, but they said they felt we didn’t respect them at all since we wouldn’t ‘even let her give birth in peace’.”
“My husband and I agree that they are overreacting since she did not, in fact, give birth until seven the next morning, 23 hours after being induced.”
“And our son could very easily have helped us with the kids for a few hours.”
“So AITA like my son says I am, for helping us with the kids, even if his wife was being induced, but had little to no progress?”
The OP went on to edit her original post.
“My DIL was NOT in active labor when I asked- they were walking around in the hospital, trying to get things started.”
“We were staying at their house”
“We only wanted some relief. We were planning to continue babysitting. Saying we only wanted to do five hour total is unfair.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA in a major, major way. You know birthing takes a long time in general, but you know that your son’s wife takes longer than usual.”
“You agreed to babysit during birth knowing these things. Asking your son to leave his laboring wife for anything short of an emergency with one of his children is a gross manipulative thing to do.”
“Who knows why you’re on such a big power trip over your son and his marriage, but it’s very obvious to anyone looking at your actions.”
“Good for your son and his wife hiring a sitter instead of playing into your delusions” – Intelligent_Ad_4163
“I’ll just add… What woman doesn’t enjoy long grueling labor with the extra pain being induced causes? Why would you want your husband to help you through it?”
“Nah… As long as HE gets to see the actual birth, everything is golden. Women should suffer in silence and alone.”
“Edit: since apparently it wasn’t obvious to everyone, I was indeed being sarcastic. Forgot judgement. YTA” – tinaciv
“YTA. Why are you surprised that your son isn’t asking you to babysit anymore when you couldn’t fulfill the responsibility, to begin with?”
“It was a big moment in his life, and he was, kindly, trying to support and stay by his wife’s side; for you to call him back completely defeats the purpose of getting someone to look after his kids.”
“If you couldn’t handle it, you shouldn’t have put yourself forth as an option.”
“A half an hour ride is enough to miss a birth btw… it depends and differs between people. If he could come home, he wouldn’t need you there.”
“YTA for offering yourself to help, yta for doing a half-a**ed job and not knowing why he’s upset”
“And YTA for even thinking that you would be considered again for a job you couldn’t even handle the first time. – Aylthrowaway
“YTA! How can you possibly think you aren’t the AHs here? Let’s recap:”
“1. You offer to watch your grandkids while your son and DIL are in labor, but after a few hours, decide it’s too much for you…”
“2. So you demand that your son leave his wife, who is in labor, to come watch them”
“3. Then you have the nerve to belittle their feelings about the whole situation”
“You aren’t reliable and have made it clear you aren’t capable of babysitting for even a few hours without causing drama. Why would they ever trust you with their kids again?” – ResponsibleSpite1332
“Respectfully YTA.”
“Your son did pretty much everything right, and you did pretty much everything wrong.”
“His wife was induced, and you expect him to leave her alone and “help you” watch the kids when it was your duty which you agreed to!?”
“You should apologize to him and his wife and say you guys made a mistake and find a way to make it up to them.” – Single_Cookie_7915
“YTA- I’m assuming since you are a mother that you have given birth before. I’m not sure why you would expect a husband to leave his wife alone in the hospital while giving birth.”
“Just because she didn’t give birth in the time he theoretically would have been there to help with the kids doesn’t mean it couldn’t have gone differently.”
“If you don’t want the responsibility of taking care of your grandchildren while your daughter-in-law is going through labor, don’t offer.”
“Not being asked is the natural consequence of showing your son you can’t handle your grandchildren for an extended period of time. They don’t trust you to not pull this again.”
“At the end of the day, I think my point there was kind of irrelevant.”
“Times change, and OP should know it’s expected for fathers To be in the room now and for at least the last 20 or so years.” – lostalldoubt86
“YTA. You asked him to come get your grandkids because you could not handle caring for them when his wife was in the hospital.”
“And now that they have found more reliable help, you are mad because they won’t let you watch the kids? Seriously? Actions… meet Consequences. This is your own fault.” – KittKatt7179
“YTA-Don’t volunteer to babysit while mom is at the hospital unless you’re prepared to wait out the birth. Your son wasn’t overreacting at all.”
“You and your husband couldn’t be more wrong in this situation. I wouldn’t have you babysitting again either.”
“I’d be afraid of the moment you once again decided the kids were too much and demanded he or she come to get them.” – GothPenguin
“This has to be a joke? Please tell me this isn’t real. They weren’t out clubbing. They were giving you another grandchild.”
“I would never ask you to watch the kids either. If the kids were going to be too much, you should have told them to make other arrangements before you agreed to watch them.”
“Sorry grandma, yta.” – Suspicious-Grand9781
Big yikes.