There is such a thing as too many chefs, too many hats.
Wanting to help and be of assistance in the kitchen is one thing.
Playing backseat chef and doing things behind people’s backs is another.
Nowadays, it can be nearly impossible to make everyone happy with a meal.
There are so many dietary restrictions and preferences.
This is why going rogue with ingredients for carefully planned dinners can lead to some big dust-ups.
Case in point…
Redditor Wide_Competition9367 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for screaming at my husband and his sister to get out of my kitchen?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband’s sister (38) lives with us and our kids.”
“I’m well beyond fed up with her being here because of food issues.”
“That’s the only reason.”
“So, basically, every single time I make food, his sister will come in and ‘doctor up’ the food I’m making to her liking.”
“Like I made steak and shrimp the other day (like Applebee’s), and she waited until I left the room to put a full stick of butter in my shrimp- that was already done- and when I came back in, she goes ‘I’m pretty sure that’s the taste you were looking for’ and completely ruined it.”
“It was trash.”
“Or whenever I make spaghetti, she will start dumping sugar into the sauce, to a point of sweet spaghetti that I and my kids outright refuse to touch because it’s nasty.”
“Every single time that she can get away with it, she’s doing something to the food.”
“Anyway, my husband has started doing the same thing.”
“I went to make homemade Mac last night and cheeseburgers.”
“I went to the basement to the chest freezer to grab the veggies I needed, and when I came back upstairs, my husband was putting canned chicken into the Mac ‘n Cheese.”
“He knows the kids absolutely hate the taste of that.”
“And his sister has pushed blocks of blue cheese into the partially cooked burgers.”
“I asked what the f**k they thought they were doing (because I’ve told them SO MANY TIMES to stop f**king with the food), and neither of them had any good excuse, other than ‘we were just helping.'”
“I flipped out and told them to get the f**k out of my kitchen.”
“Both of them told me I was overreacting, etc etc.”
“The thing is, I’ve openly asked my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] to cook several times, and she won’t.”
“But she won’t stop f**king with the food I’m making.”
“My husband cooks often, and I don’t care if he screws with the food he makes, but it royally pisses me off when my cooking is messed with, and he knows that.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Especially considering they’re just making your job harder by making your food inedible for your kids.”
“Your sister-in-law has overstayed her welcome.” ~ Laniekea
“Ooooh… yes. Yes.”
“Get the kids on Kitchen patrol ASAP.”
“Especially the AIR HORN!!”
“You’re my kind of people.”
“Please Take this award 🏆.”
“If hubs and SIL mess with the food, OP and kids drop everything, leave the food in the kitchen, and walk out.”
“No discussion. NTA!” ~ MizPeachyKeen
“And husband and SIL get to finish cooking AND cleaning.”
“OP is NTA.”
“I would quite literally gag on a burger stuffed with blue cheese.”
“I also HATE sweet spaghetti sauce.”
“And WTF is with canned chicken in the Mac ‘n cheese?”
“These people are way off base.” ~ Gullible-Mine8214
“SIL AND husband have overstayed their welcome.” ~ bbw-princess-420
“My guess is that husband has reverted to ‘siblings having a running joke together’ and is overlooking that he is damaging his relationship with OP.”
“And possibly his kids as well, since he’s adding things that they hate.” ~ calling_water
“I don’t know, it sounds like it’s their childhood cooking, and he probably likes it that way.”
“Unfortunately for him, the rest of the family are not fans!” ~ Anteaterpoo
“NTA- If they don’t kick her out, OP needs to make a rule that she will only cook for her and her children.”
“The husband and sister are on their own.”
“I would definitely look into kicking out the sister, if not both, though.” ~ BestAd5844
“OP, tell your husband it’s time his sister moves out.”
“Tell him that you two need to come up with a date that she moves out and stick to it.”
“And the next time she touches your food, she needs to be out that day.”
“This then needs to be communicated to her.”
“Tell him the two of you need to get into therapy.”
“Obviously, there’s a huge lack of respect and no communication.”
“The next time he touches your food, he does all household cooking moving forward.”
“Make it clear that if he even adds a sprinkle of salt, you’re done.” ~ crystallz2000
“NTA. Tell them that if they hate the food so much, they need to cook for themselves, and stop cooking for these people.”
“Get your SIL out of your home while you’re at it.” ~ OtherThumbs
“NTA. Going forward, cook only for you and your kids.”
“Do not leave the kitchen during this.”
“Then leave them to their own devices.”
“When they ask what’s going on, tell them they can make their own meals. Be very calm.”
“When they protest, tell them you will cook for them ONLY IF they leave your cooking alone.”
“And tell dear old sis she is responsible for making dinner once a week.” ~ PokerQuilter
“If I was OP, I’d start planning a quick, simple backup plan for her and the kids.”
“Then, once the SIL or husband mess up the food, I’d make sure it’s doubly messed up by adding lots of salt so it tastes vile.”
“Then just cook enough of the quick food for the kids and OP.”
“Then dish it all up at the same time.”
“SIL and husband could be making the food taste unpalatable to others deliberately so that they get to eat more of the food.”
“As if they find the food palatable, but they know others don’t, it’s a great way for them to ensure they get a bigger share while being able to claim that they are being helpful.”
“That way they don’t feel or look greedy or selfish, but really it’s a form of abuse.”
“As my abusive ex did a similar thing by buying only food he knew I didn’t like, but kept offering it to me, knowing he’d get it all.” ~ Rockpoolcreater
“NTA – The proverb ‘Too many cooks ruin the broth’ comes to mind.”
“I would gather all my ingredients beforehand, then not leave the kitchen until the meal was complete, but in the real world with children, it’s pretty difficult to monitor a dish into completion.”
“So your only recourse might be just making simple dishes for yourself and the children and letting hubs and SiL fend for themselves.”
“Tell them until your work is respected that you are ‘slow quitting.'” ~ False-Importance-741
“This is correct, if they cannot keep their paws out of the food you are cooking, then they need to have their own food to destroy.”
“Tell them to make their own dinners and the next time you see a hand going towards your food then they will draw back a nub.”
“That would make me crazy that I spent time making something delicious and someone sabotaged it behind my back. NTA.” ~ Crafty_Dog_4674
“NTA. When they ruin a dish, set it aside in the fridge.”
“Then when they ask ‘what’s for dinner’ tell them they can have whatever dish they ruined.”
“Then take your kiddos out to eat or have takeout ready for them.” ~ ProverbialWetBlanket
“My mom has a rule.”
“If you touch the food she is cooking, even just to lift a lid and see what it is, you are now in charge of the whole meal.”
“She will tell you that you are now in charge and will not go back into the kitchen until the food is ready.”
“This is how she dealt with people messing with her cooking.” ~ nobodysgirl333
“THIS. The second either of them makes a move to doctor your food, immediately turn off the stove, gather the kids and leave the house.”
“Make it clear that this will happen every time that they do this.”
“The second issue – you don’t have a SIL problem. You have a husband problem.”
“Give sis 1 week to leave, and tell the hubs if he doesn’t back you up and support this, your next out-of-the-house appointment will be with a divorce attorney.”
“This is the height of disrespect.”
“I’d be hard-pressed to keep from pouring the food in the trash when they modify it (or flinging it across the kitchen at them, but that might be a bit overly dramatic).” ~ Tarik861
“NTA, she sounds unhinged, and why is your husband not only enabling her but actively participating?”
“They both suck, she needs to go asap, and you and him need a long talk.” ~ LeBlancTheDeceiver
“NTA. The fact that your husband has joined in on this feels like they’ve teamed up against you.”
“How about not making dinner?”
“Maybe you can get takeout just for yourself and the kids for a week or so?”
“Husband and SIL are not only insulting your cooking; they’re turning your food into something the kids don’t enjoy, either.” ~ TemptingPenguin369
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You’ve tried to be nice.
You’ve tried to be polite.
You exploded. Who wouldn’t?
It sounds like it’s time for a big family talk.
Good luck.