All good parents want what is best for their kids.
But when it comes to living life sometimes what parents think is best isn’t the best fit for the child.
Everyone is going to be their own person.
And that realization can lead to some turmoil.
Case in point…
Redditor anonmom2002 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my daughter she should find new hobbies?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (45 F[emale]) have a 19 F daughter who is smart, kind, and beautiful.”
“She has lots of friends, is a good student and has always had a great work ethic. I am very proud.”
“However, since covid hit, she has changed her hobbies and interests and very much stuck in this phase of her life.”
“She bought herself an xbox in the beginning of 2020 and started gaming.”
“Her obsession grew and because of the mandates it was easy for her to become addicted to it.”
“She would be up all night talking to her boy friends and when the restrictions were lifted she would bring her xbox to her guy friends houses.”
“She took a gap year and when we started thinking about the colleges she should apply to, I suggested she should apply to the Northern University in our state and rush for a sorority (I was in one).”
“But she said she would rather go to a limited Greek life school.”
“She said that she thinks that sorority life is fake and she wouldn’t be able to form any emotional connections.”
“I took this offensively because I was in one at her age, so I don’t know why she would have this narrative.”
“She has only spent a weekend at her friends sorority.”
“Anyway – cut to now, she’s in college, she’s doing great.”
“Again, she’s a beautiful girl and has many friends.”
“But she’s only become more interested in this gaming thing.”
“She talks about people who do live videos of them doing pretty much anything (I guess playing video games, or watching interesting videos, events etc).”
“She has a ‘setup’ in her room where she has spent her own money on a gaming chair and more.”
“She has anime books and she watches anime too.”
“I sat her down a few days ago and told her she should find more sociable hobbies, and she became so angry at me.”
“Saying that I’m trying to make her into me and that I’m obsessed with her popularity.”
“I tried to calm her down, but she refuses to believe that I just want what’s best for her.”
“A few of my husband’s friends and I have girls her age who are in Greek life, have fun group putting and inclusive hobbies.”
“So I just don’t get it.”
“She has many friends and is very pretty, I just want her to have healthier and more productive habits.”
“She hasn’t talked to me since (she’s been busy moving to her new house with her friends).”
“And my husband told me she is justified but says he refuses to put himself as a part in this.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA.”
“How many times do you have to mention that she’s pretty?”
“Would you be fine with her liking gaming if she wasn’t conventionally attractive?”
“Gaming is social btw, especially depending on what games she’s playing. Twitch streaming is also social.”
“You mentioned that she has a lot of friends and is happy & healthy, so what’s your issue.”
“That she’s not like you?”
“That you didn’t get a carbon copy ‘legacy’ to parade around for your sorority sisters?”
“Let your daughter be her own person & support her.” ~ _keystitches
“The only ‘pretty sorority girl’ hobbies that come to mind is stuff like getting your nails done, getting your hair done, teasing boys, going shopping, doing each other’s make-up, etc.”
“Other stereotypical things could be, like… I don’t know, recreational tennis, book clubs, and washing cars in bikinis?”
I”‘m really just going off of the exaggerated depictions of ‘pretty sorority girls’ from movies like Heathers and The House Bunny.”
No idea what OP’s talking about, I don’t think any hobby in the world that doesn’t double as a profession (like modelling) is strictly gendered or exclusive to ‘pretty’ people.” ~ DumpstahKat
“Sounds like OP thinks that her daughter is not only an extension of herself.”
“But also is ‘wasting her beauty’ by not joining a sorority and meeting guys (not that you have to join a sorority to meet guys).”
“It reeks of narcissism, misogyny and ‘My daughter needs to get her MRS degree somehow!!! Guys don’t like nerdy girls!!!'”
“YTA OP.” ~ MintyLemon74
“Yeah OP is complaining that her daughter doesn’t have social hobbies, while also saying that she talks to people and visits, has many friends, and is moving in with friends as well.”
“Seems like she’s doing pretty well. P.S. YTA.” ~ SLPinonthesidewalk
“That hit me hard as well.”
“I’m 36 next month.”
“All through growing up, my mom really pushed a specific sort of lifestyle on me.”
“I gravitated more towards my dad and his interests and she didn’t like that a nice girl like myself, especially one so pretty, was more interested in horror movies and punk music.”
“Eventually, she gave up up and put her focus on my sister – which is a whole other set of issues.”
“Once she finally let go of the fact that, while I’m attractive and well-mannered, I love being a weird person who loves weird crap.”
“And nothing’s ever going to change that, our relationship has really improved… in the last year.”
“It took that long for our relationship to become decent.”
“I seriously hope OP doesn’t keep screwing her relationship up with her daughter by continuing to hang all these antiquated, BS social ‘norms’ over her head.” ~ wheres_jaykwellin_at
“Solidarity, fellow 1986 baby.”
“I turn 36 in April and we sound like we maybe would have been friends in school together.”
“I wound up a lot like the OP’s daughter and fell into the nerdy interests like gaming, anime/manga, etc.”
“While no longer a die-hard weeaboo, thank God, I still love animation and games, horror movies, etc.”
“And it shaped a lot my interests and how I turned out to be.”
“I have great friends with similar interests.”
“I have best friends from high school that I still have in my life today that I wouldn’t have known had I not been into the things I was, because that’s how we initially became friends.”
“Sure, I wasn’t popular – but I do stand-up comedy and probably wouldn’t have developed my sense of humor if not for the experiences I’ve been through.”
“OP, YTA and reiterating what everyone already said.”
“Shut the f**k up already about how pretty she is, Jesus.”
“Let her be and stop trying to make her into you.”
“You’re being a crap mom and I promise you that you’re driving a wedge in between yourself and your daughter.”
“And she’ll drop you like a bad habit if you keep up your stupid crap.” ~ FizzledPhoenix
“My guess is she’s trying to live vicariously through her daughter.”
“Me thinks her child is prettier than OP ever was, and OP wants her to live the sorority sister popular-girl life that she thinks she was cheated out of because she wasn’t as attractive.”
“Unfortunately, it’s not OP’s life to live—it’s her daughter’s, and her daughter is doing the things that make her happy, not her mother.”
“As she should. OP lived her youth already. This is her daughter’s.” ~ FarMacaroon3148
“I went to a school with a massive Greek system. They’re toxic as f**k.”
“I’m sure some have good elements but they’re hardly the pure and joyous thing OP is making them out to be.”
“This girl has her own interests and hobbies. She seems happy with them. Good for her.”
“YTA, OP. Big time.”
“And stop being gross by commenting on your daughter’s looks so much.” ~ knitlikeaboss
“YTA. Let your daughter do what she thinks is fun.”
“She’s right, you ARE trying to force her into what you did at her age. It’s her life, not yours.”
“If you wanted what was best for her you would let her enjoy herself and support her.”
“Not dismiss what she enjoys.” ~ OakleyDokey
“YTA. Maybe she doesn’t want to go to Northern University.”
“Not all the time but most of the time, colleges with a big Greek life usually means more assaults and she might not feel safe there.”
“It’s not the right college for her career.”
“Some of her friends go to the different school.”
“(Op take a deep breath here)… She doesn’t want to be just like you and be a legacy.”
“I bet that even since you found out that you were having a girl, you had her life planned out to be exactly like yours and for her to be a legacy.”
“You’ve told her this throughout her life and she got sick of it.”
“Now you have, at best, a strained relationship with your daughter.”
“Newsflash, gaming isn’t what it was like growing up in the 90s, where if you play you were considered a geek and got bullied.”
“Now, it’s an income source. And with her being ‘beautiful.’ She’s probably earning a decent amount of money.”
“Stop judging your daughter for being a ‘geek’ instead of a greek.”
“Again. YTA.” ~ EhhNo1Cares
“YTA. You’re so focused on her being pretty and popular, you’re failing to see her altogether.”
“Stop projecting what you think she should be and let her be. She deserves better.” ~ bethanypurdue
Looks like Reddit was pretty solid in their feedback.
Gaming isn’t what it used to be.
College life isn’t what it used to be.
Hopefully OP can take all of this info and forge a better path for her and her daughter.