For anyone who works in childcare, one of the most important things to have is trust.
No parent wants to feel that they can’t leave their children alone with someone, and no childcare provider wants to feel that they’re being taken advantage of.
And when that trust is broken, it can create tension—and possibly even sever that working relationship.
So when Redditor AITAThrowaway11__2 recently encountered some conflict in regards to her kids’ former babysitter, she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was in the wrong, asking:
“AITA for calling my husband delusional for expecting me to re-hire the babysitter after she read our daughter’s journal?”
The OP explained the backstory of how the sitter came into their lives.
“My husband and I work long shifts. We have 3 kids and for years we’ve been hiring babysitters of different kinds to help with the kids.”
“My oldest is my 14 yo daughter Lauren. She’s been going through hard phase after her best friend passed away from leukemia on December. It impacted her hugely.”
“She received therapy for 2 months and is doing better now but grief has no timeline and she misses her bestie so much. I do all I can to be available and lend a comforting shoulder.”
“We got her a new journal to write down about her thoughts and feelings and she’s been doing a lot better since she had it.”
When her husband suggested a friend’s daughter, the OP was all about it—until things started going south.
“We were looking for a babysitter and my husband suggested his friend’s 17 yo daughter. I know her, so I said yes right away.”
“She worked for us for weeks, she sometimes teases Lauren about her being uptight, never smiling, giving her the nickname ‘grinch’. I’d told her to stop it but she said she was just messing with her trying to get her to cheer up ‘no biggie’.”
But one recent event sent things over the edge.
“Days ago while I was working Lauren called me and was crying saying I needed to come home. I freaked out and when I got there I saw the babysitter sitting with the kids, Lauren was upstairs.”
“She said the babysitter took her journal and started reading it out loud in front of the kids while recording herself. I was pissed af.”
“I asked the babysitter and she said she was just messing with Lauren and showing her that it’s okay to speak emotions out loud instead of bottling up. She really she thought was helping her overcome her fear to express herself.”
“I yelled saying it wasn’t her place and that she caused more trouble than ever. She apologized and swore she deleted the video but I told her she could no longer work for us and needed to leave.”
“She broke down crying and apologizing to me and Lauren. But I refused to let her keep her job. I know Lauren doesn’t want to be around her anymore.”
The OP’s husband didn’t like how she handled the situation.
“My husband came home and was upset that I let the babysitter go, reminding me that this was his friend’s daughter and I shouldn’t have made her leave. He argued that I handled this the wrong way and that I should’ve been the adult in this situation instead of yelling and kicking her out.”
“I explained what she did to Lauren but he said ‘I agree with you on this, she should’ve known better but she didn’t, kids her age make mistakes, what’s done’s done, she apologized so we should give her another chance.'”
“He kept on about how this impacted his friendship of 14 years. Also said we’re now without a babysitter and he has trip is this week so I have no choice but to let her come back but I said no, she will never step a foot in the house again.”
“He called me unreasonable by referring to everything as if it’s mine and he shouldn’t have an opinion, and said it’s his house too.”
When it came to letting the babysitter come back, the OP wasn’t about to budge.
“I ended up calling him delusional for expecting me to re-hire her after the stunt she pulled on Lauren and I won’t let it happen because my daughter can’t feel comfortable in her home. He got very upset for what I said and stopped speaking to me since then.”
The OP later added some additional info as to why they needed a babysitter in the first place.
“EDIT: For those asking why we’d need a babysitter with 14 yo in the house. First of all, the babysitter is for my younger children (6 – 4). My daughter does not need a babysitter obviously.”
“Second of all, my daughter is incapable of looking after her brothers for several reason. She already made it clear and I wasn’t going to force her to do it.”
“Besides that, hiring a babysitter became normal and is part of our lives but this issue occurred.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They didn’t blame the OP for taking the action she did.
“NTA. If you let this teenager back into your house, it’s pretty much guaranteed that Lauren will NEVER tell you anything ever again.”
“Your husband needs to be a father and stand up for his daughter. And I’m sorry, did you say she RECORDED HERSELF READING HER DIARY?”
“Why? To show her friends? Post on Facebook?”
“Reach out to this girl’s father and tell him exactly what happened.”—C0pper-an0de
“Tell your husband to prioritize your daughter not his friend’s bully of a kid. And be sure the parents know *exactly* why you fired her.”—maddr_lurker
Many pointed out that the babysitter’s “teasing” was really just bullying.
“Agreed. OP is NTA. Like, at all.”
“They’re looking out for the well-being of their daughter. Rehiring the babysitter is basically inviting a bully back in to the home.”
“That house needs to be a place of safety and healing for OP’s daughter, not somewhere to be bullied for going through grief.”—Sea_Canary_8518
“Is anyone else interpreting teasing as bullying? Sounds like the babysitter is a mean girl.”
“Lauren needs to be comfortable in her home especially when she is vulnerable and grieving. Maybe some more therapy for her?!?!”
“I’m not sure why Dad is putting his friendship on a higher pedestal than his vulnerable child.”
“This maybe a good lesson on acceptable behavior for the babysitter, especially if she is working around children. You do not violate someone’s privacy and that video, what other video has she made of the kids in her care.”
“Do the parents know whether she has posted or shared other video of the kids? It’s a cold person who bullies younger teens, especially one that she knows is grieving.”
“Mama made a good decision. NTA”—AmIarealbunny
“NTA you *were* the adult in the situation, she was bullying your daughter and I’m horrified your husband cares more about his friendship than that.”—redditor191389
“NTA. your husband cares more about his friendship than his own daughter. That’s awful.”
“Don’t let this girl into your home, she’s a bully towards Lauren and has been since day one. Your husband should be mad at his friend for raising such an awful child, not at you for protecting your daughter.”—MeringuepieMoth
If the babysitter had been allowed to go unchecked and posted the video on social media, the consequences could’ve been dire.
“I work with teens, depression, grief and something like this could throw them over the edge. If that went viral, many kids would get suicidal.”
“What this girl did is bullying and extremely dangerous! What is wrong with your husband????”
“Does he not care about his daughter’s mental, and emotional wellbeing???? He should be outraged, and get in that girl’s parents’ face.”
“He could lose his daughter emotionally and even physically. You have to bring this up to the parents and make sure she did not share it. Also, she needs consequences.”
“The next kid she babysits could hurt themselves because of her. I can’t imagine what could happen if it went viral.”
“It’s bad enough her private thoughts were made fun of by a moronic, immature teenager, but to not have your father even care about you speaks volumes of negativity. This could have horrible repercussions for quite awhile.”
“Let her therapist know. I am so sorry OP. Glad you are protecting your daughter!!”
“Your husband is an AH, and he needs serious consequences. Have him talk to the therapist or the counselors at school on what kind of damage this can do.”
“I have seen or heard about too many eating disorders, cutters, and suicides because of stunts like this. NTA!!!!!”—Feeling-Fab-U-Lus
“Agreed. My stepmom used to read my diary and share it with people including my Dad who would get angry but wasn’t able to stop her due to her then just doing it when he wasn’t home.”
“I actually attempted suicide via OD soon after and nearly died due to it. This isn’t ok. Husband needs a wake up call and maybe OP to show him this thread.”—BooksAndStarsLover
“Fully agree! This is severely abusive and quite likely to be a possible source of trauma for that poor poor girl.”
“I don’t think the babysitter had good intentions at all. I think she’s just a manipulative liar.”
“Letting that 17-year-old in again would be to further abuse and traumatize Lauren. It’s not acceptable and if your husband continues to insist on it OP, then he is falling miserably as a father.”
“He is putting his own comfort and want of avoiding an uncomfortable situation with his friend over your daughters emotional safety and well-being.”—GaiasDotter
It sounds like Reddit thinks the OP made the right call.
Hopefully the former babysitter will think twice before pulling another stunt like that, and has learned that her actions have consequences.
And the OP’s husband should take a long, hard look at his priorities.