Truth be told, some people are really good at controlling other people. So good in fact, they realize it would be best to hide their true selves until it would be next to impossible for the other person to leave.
That’s why so many pregnant women and new moms are shocked by their husbands’ sudden shift in behavior, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Intelligent_Fox_5588 thought that she was in a good relationship, at least until her husband started to comment on her body and make jokes about her appearance after their baby was born.
But when he went so far as to joke about her not getting a “husband’s stitch” in front of his entire family, the Original Poster (OP) questioned who she had been married to all this time.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for taking my baby and leaving home after my husband kept making jokes about my body?”
The OP was sick of the jokes that her husband was making about her body.
“My husband started making indirect jokes about my body and shape ever since I gave birth to our son.”
“At first, I didn’t mind a silly joke here and there, but it escalated, and he started doing it in front of friends and family.”
But her husband took it way too far during a recent family gathering.
“Last week, we were invited by his mom to celebrate at her home. He casually made an offensive joke about my body, and that was the last straw for me.”
“We got home and we started arguing. I recorded our conversation, and this is how it went.”
“Me: Can we talk about what happened at dinner tonight?”
“Him: (he was checking his phone, responding nonchalantly) What’s there to talk about? It was just a joke.”
“Me: A joke? You think making fun of my body in front of your family is funny? I’ve just had our baby, and I’m still adjusting to everything! Your comments hurt, you know that, right?”
“Him: Come on, it was just a little banter. Everyone laughed. Besides, if you had gotten the ‘husband’s stitch’ like I suggested, maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal.”
“Me: (I was staring at him in disbelief after this comment) So now it’s my fault? I’m the one to blame for your insensitive jokes? Is that really how you feel?”
“Him: I’m just saying, things could be different. You chose not to do it. I thought you wanted to feel good again. It’s not like I’m trying to hurt you; I just want us to have a good sex life again.”
The OP realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere by speaking with her husband.
“After that, we kept going back and forth, and I ended up taking the baby and moving out.”
“He began complaining about how I took his son away from him, how I was punishing him by using our son, etc.”
“His family interjected and told me I couldn’t do this to him.”
“It’s been days, and he’s still complaining about what I did, calling it an overreaction and saying that I was taking my frustration out on him.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were grossed out over the husband’s lack of character.
“How in the h**l did you ever marry this cretin, never mind make a baby with him? Surely this isn’t the first time he’s shown his true colors as a rude, insensitive boor?”
“Did he honestly joke about your vagina in front of his family?!”
“The crap about the ‘husband stitch’ is just gross. I have a friend who it was done to after her second child, and sex was actively painful for MONTHS. She didn’t understand why until she finally went to a gynecologist, who discovered that the ‘husband stitch’ had been poorly done and had actually made the vaginal opening smaller than before, and the scar was being painfully stressed every time they had sex.”
“And anyway, what does the ‘husband stitch’ have to do with your body recovering from pregnancy? It doesn’t automatically make you slim and make your boobs perk up!”
“Lawyer up, girl, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. His emotional abuse is cruel and uncalled for.” – Alarming_Paper_8357
“A lot of men hide their real selves until their partner is pregnant, or after they give birth. It’s harder to leave your partner while pregnant or have a newborn.”
“Domestic abuse usually starts when the woman gets pregnant, or just after birth.”
“The leading cause of death in pregnant women is at the hands of their partner or former partner.” – Equal-Brilliant2640
“He admitted to punishing her for not getting the ‘husband stitch’ by making fun of her body. He literally said he wouldn’t be making fun of her if she had gotten the stitch. He’s not joking; he’s evil as f**k.” – Excellent-Fly5706
“Your husband is a disgusting piece of s**t.”
“He doesn’t want you to feel good. He wants you sewed up so he can use your body like a fleshlight.”
“He doesn’t see you as human. He doesn’t love you at all.”
“He is beyond vile to see the husband stitch as anything other than female mutilation meant to aid the tiny d**kmeat of vile husbands who enjoy hurting their wives sexually postpartum.”
“NTA. Divorce immediately.” – pumpkin-patch85
“Hold up. Y’all were in a group setting, and the ‘joke’ he made about your body was specifically about your vaginal canal, and other people laughed? F**king whoa. All those people are nasty.” – Amedeo6022
“NTA. Tell him you wouldn’t need a husband stitch if he was built like a man instead of a little boy.”
“Then send him information on the husband stitch is actually harmful to women causing sex to be so painful that they never want sex again.”
“Then serve him with divorce papers and full custody of your son. He should not be allowed to make your son as misogynistic as he is.” – Awkward-Pay-7620
“NTA. The ‘husband’s stitch’ is abusive and no reputable OB does that bulls**t. You don’t have to put up with abuse so he can have a relationship with his child. That is what visitation and a custody order is for.”
“Ask yourself if this is how you want your entire life to go. Being insulted, mocked, and disrespected by your husband, in front of others. Ask yourself what will that teach your son.”
“And when his family reaches out, remember he felt comfortable speaking that way in front of them. Knowing they would never object. Because that abuse is ok with them.” – Apprehensive_War9612
Others agreed and were disgusted by the husband wanting a “husband stitch” for the OP.
“My daughter’s gynecologist told me a story about the one guy who asked if she was going to give his wife an extra stitch.”
“She told him to drop his pants so she could see just how many stitches it would take to make a difference for him.”
“He shut up and never spoke to her again.” – Interesting_Chef_896
“I know it’s called the ‘husband stitch,’ but it sounds like there’s no benefit for either partner.”
“OP’s husband is an id**t. So his big idea is to ruin their sex life rather than wait for a bit. He’s the type of mor*n to order lobster, get impatient, eat a moldy piece of cheese instead, and get food poisoning.”
“The husband stitch is moldy cheese, and any id**t should know it’s a bad idea.” – Jaccat25
“Even without the husband stitch sex was painful for months after my episiotomy. And I have a very loving husband who was really understanding and suuuuuper careful with me. Can’t imagine so many women having to endure worse. Yikes…”
“I hope she runs as fast as she can from this a**hole. Not only for herself but also for her son, so he doesn’t have this piece of trash as an example of how men should behave.” – LorianCathalas
“NOPE. The husband stitch is a huge f**kin’ NOPE. Even if he wasn’t awful about your body, that alone is divorce-worthy. Don’t go back. Block his family. NTA.” – ExcellentAd9970
“Typical narcissistic person. The conversation topic is about one thing and they change it to another, always putting the other person on the defensive.”
“This topic was inappropriate body comments. He changed it to sex. Her not getting the ‘husband stitch,’ which has zero to do with her appearance.”
“He expected her to start defending herself, probably cry, stop the conversation, and he’d chalk it up as a win, except that didn’t happen this time, so now he’s whining that she left over a joke.”
“NTA. It wasn’t over his ‘jokes.’ It’s because he is an insufferable AH and you are done.” – Realistic-Animator-3
“First of all, the ‘husband stitch’ is an absolutely heinous thing, and I hope whoever started that ‘trend,’ be it an OB or an obnoxious husband, gets penis cancer. It’s almost ALWAYS painful for the woman afterward because it isn’t meant to be that size it’s meant to heal back the way it was.”
“Second: He’s making fun of your body because he’s mad you wouldn’t get a husband stitch? That’s just a level of emotional abuse I can’t even fathom.”
“Throw that man in the f**king ocean.” – not_brittsuzanne
Not only was the subReddit thoroughly grossed out by how the OP’s soon-to-be ex-husband talked to her and “joked” about her appearance, but they were even more appalled when he was willing to make comments about her in front of his family and held against the OP her refusal to get a “husband stitch.”
It was clear from all of this that the husband was not the right person for the OP, especially while she was healing from giving birth and becoming a mother, but he also wasn’t a good role model for a child who would learn a lot about how to treat their mom, and all women, from their dad.