Planning a wedding is a delicate balance.
And planning a birthday party can be very stressful.
What do both have in common?
Ever-changing guest lists.
Planning for the correct number of attendance can be anxiety-inducing.
But imagine if you have these two events clash?
Case in point…
Redditor sistersmash wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for having my daughter first birthday the same day as my step sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom got remarried after my parent’s divorce and her new husband brought along my step-sister.”
“I lived with my dad mostly because I did not want anything to do with a new sibling and had pretty much no relationship with her and hated that my mom treated her like a daughter.”
“I wasn’t the nicest to her but I felt like she was taking my place.”
“Fast forward to now and she is getting married.”
“I wasn’t invited since we have no relationship, whatever I didn’t invite her to mine either.”
“This issue is I planned my daughter’s first birthday and when I told my mom she said it can’t be that day because it’s my Step sister’s wedding.”
“And can we change it to the next weekend so people don’t have to choose which to go to.”
“I said no.”
“My step-sister’s wedding is at 8pm.”
“My daughter’s party is at 1pm and people can do both.”
“But almost everyone on my mom’s side rsvp’d no to her birthday party because of the wedding and travel.”
“Even my own mother said she can’t make it because she will be at step sister’s wedding and getting ready all day.”
“I’m pissed.”
“How can she choose a stepdaughter over her own grandchild.”
“Everyone is picking this girl who isn’t even really family over my daughter.”
“My mom says to just change the party but I think it’s ridiculous they can’t do both and won’t change my schedule for my step-sister.”
“And my daughter will be the one to suffer when one of her family is at her first birthday party.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I’m wondering how the mom introduced the step-sister to the OP.”
“What did she do to foster a relationship between them? If she constantly put her step-sister ahead of her own child.”
“I can understand the resentment.”
“She is still TA, but I can understand why.” ~ IAmLurker2020
“She must have if OP was still a kid and ended up at her father’s full-time.”
“Just because mom did the right thing by step-sister does not mean she did the right thing by her own daughter.”
“That being said, a birthday party can be changed or a second one is thrown on a different day.”
“I usually throw 2 parties for my kids, a family one and a friend’s one (the friend’s party becomes the kid’s friend’s party when they’re older and my friends go to either family or friend’s party at that point).”
“It’s also because my in-laws have a difficult schedule.” ~ SourSkittlezx
“Not necessarily. OP could very well be an only child and loved having her parent’s FULL attention.”
“When another kid is in the mix, that attention becomes split.”
“And of course, OP wouldn’t like that.”
“All she said was her mom treated step-sister like another daughter, not like her ONLY daughter.” ~ auzy63
“OP’s toxic hatred jealousy aside.”
“The relatives likely already RSVPd to the wedding and OP had to know the date.”
“Seems she was testing to see if she was more important and could steal the family away.”
“Good for the family not taking the bait.”
“OP YTA and should reschedule or have a party without your family.”
“You can’t be butt hurt after pulling this nonsense.” ~ RavenLunatyk
“Absolutely agree! The OP knew the wedding date and chose to throw bait even though she claims she didn’t.”
“To say a step-sibling is not family shows jealousy.”
“If the OP thought her mother treated the stepchild like a daughter, she should’ve embraced it and tried to be a sister.”
“It would’ve worked out much better.”
“Now the OP is asking people to pick a side and using her child to do it.”
“Yes she ITA.” ~ Con469158
“It sounds to me like OP resented the idea of having to share her parent’s attention with a new sibling so she chose to stay with her father rather than share her mother.”
“She said she hated that her mother treated her step-sister like a daughter, not that she prioritized the step-sister.”
“Which to me sounds like OP just grew up as a selfish, spoiled, bratty only child and hated that she’d now have to share mommy’s attention with a new sibling.” ~ TurbulentWeek897
“You all are ASSUMING an awful lot.”
“I didn’t see anything in any comments about what made her feel like she was ‘being replaced.'”
“That’s a normal reaction to a kid who’s getting a new sibling whether it be a step-sibling or a new baby in the house it doesn’t mean the parents actually did anything.”
“From what I read it sounded like she didn’t even like the idea of a step-sibling and just went to her father’s house.”
“Unless I missed something.”
“Personally as someone who grew up with an amazing stepmother who was better than my actual mother I’m glad my step-siblings didn’t act the way the OP is.”
“She keeps saying that the mom isn’t her step-sister’s mother but that’s like telling a kid who’s adopted that their parents aren’t their parents and it’s really messed up.”
“OP, YTA grow up and get over yourself.” ~rlmoon1024
“Yeah there are assumptions being made and we don’t know all the details about how the divorce was handled by OP’s parents, the custody thing, etc.”
“Sounds like therapy or something was needed to help the kids involved handle the changes but maybe didn’t happen. I don’t know.”
“But in the end all that stuff is irrelevant.”
“Even if some of OP’s feelings of resentment or whatever are justified or can be explained or whatever, it does not change the fact that OP’s mom has a stepdaughter.”
“So it doesn’t matter if OP doesn’t consider the stepsister a member of her family, she (the stepsister) is a member of OP’s mom’s family.”
“And she’s getting married and OP’s mom (and other family members) will be attending the wedding.”
“For a grown woman to schedule her child’s birthday party (and it sounds like this is the first/only grandchild’s first birthday) on the same day as the stepdaughter’s wedding- it’s childish, petty, manipulative etc.”
“And honestly a little cruel, to stress out her mother like that and basically threaten her with missing her grandkid’s first birthday party.”
“Not to mention the stress I’m sure it puts on the bride/stepsister.”
“Something tells me this is par for the course with OP and part of a larger pattern of unhealthy behavior and shenanigans.” ~ BellFirestone
“And she’s trying to say that her daughter is going to be upset about people not coming to her party!”
“The kid is one year old; they’re not actually going to understand much about this party anyway.”
“The only person who is really going to care is OP.”
“And that’s why she won’t move the party. It’s important that she create a situation where she can be the victim. OP, YTA.” ~ MasterOfKittens3K
“Without even reading all this backstory, yes YTA.”
“From the title alone, YTA.”
“1st birthday parties are solely for the parents.”
“The children have no clue what’s going on.”
“They have no concept of what a birthday is.”
“Your daughter will not suffer because her family isn’t present- your daughter will have no idea what’s going on and no memory of her 1st birthday party.”
“She has no concept of time so reschedule to a different day, as requested, if it’s so important for your family to attend.”
“Your daughter will suffer as she gets older because you’re petty and have unresolved issues that should be dealt with in counseling.”
“Your daughter will suffer if you continue to attempt to weaponize her as an instrument of guilt in your war with your step-sister.”
“Grow the hell up.” ~ Marchesa_07
“Agreed 1000%.”
“I didn’t need to read the additional comment that stepsister’s mom died in childbirth to know that OP is one resentful, spiteful person using her daughter as a pawn.”
“She conveyed that pretty clearly in the original post.” ~ DaxxyDreams
“YTA. You know, we know it, everyone knows it.”
“People aren’t simply going to do both events.”
“Very few people are going to want to come to a 1-year-old’s birthday party then go to an adult wedding.”
“You knew about the conflict and went ahead with it anyway, despite the fact that moving it would not affect your child in any way.”
“You’re trying to play the victim here when this is all under your control.”
“Please seek therapy.” ~ mdthomas
“YTA Yes to above!”
“OP’s resentment, jealousy, and pure hatred is poisoning OP’s well and life to the point she had to write this post.”
“Seek counseling already; OP is her own biggest enemy.” ~ DCOSA2TX
“Honestly with how you talk about your step-sister YTA.”
“It’s not great but clearly she is considered your mother’s child whether you like it or not, and you might just need to move past it.”
“Did this girl do anything to you other than be the daughter of your mom’s new partner?” ~ Low_Kaleidoscope_203
Well OP, it probably sucks to hear but Reddit is clearly not with you on this.
Divorce and its ramifications are never easy.
Sorry the pain still lingers for you.
Good luck with the party and perhaps focus on making the day special for your little one regardless of who attends.