Relationships aren’t easy, but breakups aren’t, either.
The process of moving forward is uncomfortable, as well: who gets what, who goes where, and in many cases one or both move on romantically.
But all relationships that end don’t follow the same path, and many don’t include those tough conversations… especially when one person walks out without warning.
In that case, should someone who abandoned their family without so much as a discussion entitle them to items they left behind… and several years later?
A mom on Reddit is refusing to give up heirloom baby items she saved for her future grandchildren so that her ex’s new wife can give them to her grandchild, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor stalagit68 asked:
“AITA For not considering the baby part of the family?”
The Original Poster (OP) further explained:
“AITA For refusing to give up the baby items?”
“Ex and I were married for 20 years. We had 2 kids together.”
“Our son was the 6th grandchild 💙 born on his side, and our daughter was the 7th grandchild and first Grand daughter 🩷 on that side.”
“There were 5 more kids born after her.”
“On my side, our kids were the first grandchildren.”
And they were all gifted some very special items.
“I have always been into vintage/ handmade items. MIL would make blankets / sweaters / booties / mittens for all the babies.”
“When our daughter was born, she also made rompers and dresses for her.”
“The other ‘daughters’ never appreciate what she did.”
“In addition to what SHE made, she also gave us the sweaters that were given to her son (my husband) by his Nannies (grandmothers).”
“My mother, (first grandchildren) would shop at $$$ boutiques for out fits for my kids 🙄 She finally came to reality and started shopping cheaper.”
“My kids also wore the Christening gown that MY grandmother had worn. (Yeah, it was old).”
It wasn’t just clothes, either.
“In addition to the clothing, there were toys.”
“Toys from their grandparents when they were babies. Toys from their father’s side that none of his siblings wanted for their babies.”
“Toys from my side I wanted them to have. Toys they got as gifts.”
“And yes, I had all the toys tested for safety before I allowed the kids to have them.”
But eventually, the children outgrew them, and their mother saved them for their own children one day.
“The kids grew up and out these things.”
“I packed these items up in boxes so that when our children have children of their own, these things will be available for them if they want them.”
Then, things took a turn in the marriage.
“Our marriage didn’t last.”
“He walked out on us and left all boxes (baby items) with me.”
“He quickly remarried.”
And now the new wife wants the heirloom baby items for her own grandchild.
“His wife has a daughter that was out of the house when they married.”
“The daughter recently had a baby.”
“Now, his wife had seen photos of our children wearing some of the items I had saved up, and SHE feels that since HER daughter had ‘the first grandchild’ 🙄 that SHE (her daughter) is entitled to all the baby items I had saved for future grandchildren.”
“AITA … He walked away and left all the baby items with me.”
“I saved the items so that OUR children will have them (if they desire) for THEIR children (OUR grandchildren).”
“They (him & wife) feel that since his wife’s daughter gave birth, she is just as entitled to the saved baby items as our children are.”
“And yes, I could ask ex-MIL what she would like me to do with the items, but I really don’t want to get her involved if I don’t have to.”
“I MIGHT be TA for not allowing my ex to give baby items from OUR kids that I saved for their future children to his wife so she could present them to her own (already existing) grand babies.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA – anything given to her daughter could have be saved to give to her daughters child.”
“Anything given to your daughter gets saved for your daughters child.”
“It doesn’t matter the father was the same for both your and her daughter.”
“The things you saved belong to your kids and the things she saved belongs to her kids.”
“If your husband wanted his daughter from his second marriage to be the be the owner of any of these baby items he should have asked for those items when she was a baby. Not when she’s an adult.”
“I say your son and daughter own those items now.”
“They decide if their half-sister who never wore those clothes or played with them as baby gets to take them for her kid now or not.” – Ok_Village_7800
“NTA.”
“Your Ex’s wife has a lot of nerve.”
“Just keep politely declining when she asks.”
“You do not even need to give her (or your ex-husband if he’s the go-between) your reasons or engage in a conversation about it.”
“Remember that a calm, firm ‘No’ is a whole sentence and an answer.” – SpaceyAwesome
“NTA. Ex is WOW.”
“He is willing to deprive his kids for hers.”
“That’s a NO and don’t ask me no more.” – LouisV25
“NTA. She gave the baby items to you, you gave them to your children.”
“They belong to your children now.”
“It’s weird that his new wife is asking for your family’s things for her daughter who may not even be interested in those items.” – echo_asstral
“NTA”
“They were given to your kids, not any other kids.”
“They belong to your kids and their kids when they come.”
“His wife is an a** for demanding your children’s possessions just because she has kids now.” – lilolememe
“NTA. Just calmly say no, they can’t have the baby clothes.”
“They will argue with any reason you give, so just decline and leave it at that.” – soap—poisoning
“No.”
“If MIL wants that family to have something, she will give it to them.”
“NTA.” – Accomplished_Two1611
“NTA. The grown step daughter is not even remotely entitled to your precious memories or things you are saving for your own children.”
“Gifts are given permanently and it’s tacky to ask for them back.”
“Your kids are still her first grandkids, and it’s hurtful for ex-MIL to phrase it like that.”
“Keep those treasures under lock and key!” – dalealace
“NTA”
“If I understand this correctly, the baby is the step-grandchild of your ex, therefore not blood related to your ex’s family.”
“Also, the baby’s mother (ex’s step-daughter) was an adult when your ex married his wife, so familial ties are not as strong as if the step-daughter had grown up with your ex and his family (I know some people will have their own opinions about this particular matter but since I don’t know the family personally, I’m going with a general statement that would apply to most people).”
“These items have been given to you, you’re the one who has collected, looked after, and stored the items.”
“Unless there was a prior agreement about ownership rights, these are YOUR things now to do with as you wish.”
“Even if MIL were to ask for them back, you are under no obligation to return anything.”
“As for your ex having rights to any items, the only items he has a right to are the ones he can go back in time and save because he essentially trashed the items when he left them behind.”
“If family items are so precious to the new wife. Where are the boxes of her daughter’s things that she has saved?”
“‘I’m saving these items for my own grandchildren’ is a perfectly acceptable response.”
“Repeat for every argument thrown your way.” – Majestic_Register346
“LOL, he so does not have any say in what you do with these items that YOU saved!”
“They go to your children (if they choose to have kids) and not some random woman’s child.”
“He could have saved the items but he did not, you have been storing them.”
“You’re NTA and don’t give them to anyone but your son or daughter.” – HorseygirlWH
“NTA”
“You’re the owner of those items.”
“Your Ex’s new wife has no right to any of your belongings.” – teresajs
“NTA -“
“YOU saved them, stored them and kept them for your children.”
“I am betting that your kids would not be happy if you were to give all of these or even share some of these items with their Dad’s new family.”
“I don’t think your former MIL would be overly happy with those items going to a nonbio grandchild and great-grandchild and would prefer them going to the great-grandchildren of her actual grandchildren.” – 1moreKnife2theheart
According to her fellow Redditors, OP is doing the right thing and should keep those items for her grandchildren to enjoy, just as her own children once did.
Hopefully she stands firm when approached again!