Most parents want to be as inclusive as possible when planning their kids’ birthday parties, but sometimes other parents’ demands can get to be just a bit much.
A woman on Reddit found herself facing this dilemma when a fellow parent demanded they hold a joint party because their sons have the same birthday.
The Original Poster, who goes by mom-mom-mommm on the site, wasn’t sure about how she handled things, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA for not including my son’s classmate with the same birthday in our birthday party?”
“My son, ‘Zack’, is in preschool and will be turning 4 at the end of the month. Some of his classmates have hosted outdoors birthday parties at the park, and we plan to do the same for our son. One of his classmate, ‘Alex’, has the same birthday as my son.”
“A few months ago in passing, Alex’s mom and I talked about possibly doing a joint birthday for both of our sons. Last month, I checked in with her to see if she’s still down to plan a joint birthday together, and she declined because she’s too busy. Fine, absolutely no problem, and we went ahead and planned our own birthday.”
“We gave out our birthday invites to the class yesterday, and Alex’s mom messaged me upset that the birthday invite says ‘You’re invited to Zack’s birthday party!’, instead of ‘Zack and Alex’s birthday party’. She tells me it would be so easy for me to include Alex and cost me nothing.”
“She said I should have included Alex in the invite and she could bring an additional cake to our party for her son. She tells me I put her in a shitty situation – either not bring Alex to the party that all his classmates are going to, or bring Alex to the party when it’s his birthday too but we’re not celebrating it.”
“I don’t want to share my son’s birthday with someone else when I’m going to be the one doing all the work. It feels like being the one to do all the work for a group project and then have others put their name on it and turn it in.”
“I talked this over with a friend and while she thinks Alex’s mom should contribute, I’m the a**hole for not including Alex when I know it’s his birthday too. My friend’s opinion is Alex is a child and can’t do anything about this.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
As you might guess, they thought Alex’s mom was way out of line.
“NTA. Oh hell no. She wanted you to host and pay for her kids party.” —YouretheAH
“…OP, call her back, all friendly, and give her a list of tasks to fulfill and a bill for her half of the party expenses and tell her how glad you are that she changed her mind about co-hosting the party.”
“…She was asked if she wanted to host a joint party, and said no. Not “I’d love to but don’t have the time to do anything for Alex’s birthday this year” to 1) let OP know she wasn’t planning something different and 2) guilt OP into doing the work. What kind of nutjob would put a kid’s name on a birthday party without the parent’s permission?” —phDOH
“NTA. Alex’s mom was given a chance to make it a joint birthday, she choose not to, as a result, this birthday is for Zack. She needs to live with her choices.” —newtennowhothis
“if she’d said ‘yeah that would be totally cool and the boys would love it but i‘m so swamped at work that I don’t really have time to help with anything’ then OP might have kicked back with ‘hey I’ve got plenty of time to work out the details. How about we just set a budget for the whole thing and you cover half. And next year you can do the planning stuff’. Problem solved” —Annual-Contract-115
“NTA. Alex’s mom is responsible for providing a party for her son. Watch out at the party, I wouldn’t be surprised if Alex’s mom tries to pull some stunt, to get attention for her son’s birthday.” —wind-river7
“NTA – did you point out that she’d declined your offer to collaborate before so you had no reason to think it was happening? Independent of that, of course she doesn’t get to latch on to your son’s party after the fact. She can have Alex’s party on a different day; problem solved.” —BatCorrect4320
“NTA – Alex’s mom was trying to pull a fast one. She refused to hold a joint party because she was to busy, but you are supposed to do all the work and pay for everything and let it be her son’s party, too. You have done nothing wrong, you just did not let someone take advantage of you.” —KellyMargaret
“She wants a free party for her kid. You approached her about doing a joint party and she declined. This is all on her.”
“And making it a joint party would cost you. If you and she had gone in on the joint party back when you suggested it, all the costs would have been split. Instead, you have planned this party and paid for everything yourself.”
“She’s not offering to pay you for half the party supplies, is she? No, she’ll just bring a birthday cake for her kid, while you supply everything else.”
“Alex can still have a birthday party and invite all his classmates. He can have it the day before or the day after Zack’s party. It’s ok to not have birthday parties literally on the child’s birthday.”
“Both of my kids’ birthdays fall midweek this year so we’ll do cake and presents at home on the day, and have a party with guests and stuff at the weekend. It spreads the birthday joy.” —NarrowMap4950
Hopefully OP can avoid any further drama with this parent.