Everyone has their own approach to how they will handle their pregnancy and eventual parenthood.
The decisions are neverending, from how they will dress their child to what toys they will buy to what they will name them.
But one highly disrespected choice, one woman recently explained on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, is a parent wanting to wait to share the news.
Redditor throwaway246679 discovered that her mother had shared the big news with all of her friends, despite her protests.
After reacting unexpectedly and being scolded for it, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was making too big of a deal about it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my mom’s friends I wasn’t pregnant, when I was obviously pregnant and running away?”
The OP tended to be anxious and a very private person.
“My mum (64 [Female]) and I (31 [Female]) are close, but definitely have very different personalities.”
“I see my parents maybe once or twice a week. We go out for lunch or something every month or so.”
“The main difference between us is that I can be shy and anxious when I’m surrounded by lots of people or just people I don’t know.”
“My mum on the other hand is very loud and will tell her whole life story to someone she’s only just met. I’m hesitant to tell her any secrets as when she has a couple of drinks in her, she tells everyone everything, secrets generally first.”
“My husband (34 [Male]) and I got married during the lockdown, which was perfect as it meant LEGALLY we could only have 28 guests.”
That was especially difficult for her when she became pregnant.
“I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant, with my first child, and my parents’ first grandchild.”
“I get uncomfortable and anxious when people stare at me.”
“I’ve made it clear to my family that I will tell people in my own time and I don’t want a big fuss. No baby showers or surprises are wanted or needed. Obviously, people that need to know, have already been told.”
The OP’s mom did not keep the news to herself, either.
“My mum had a couple of friends over for drinks in her garden. I haven’t met 3 of them before, I’d only heard my mum talk about them.”
“I went over to drop off some homemade cupcakes that my dad had asked me to make. I only went out to the garden to tell her I had put them in the fridge for dad.”
“The next thing I know, 2 of the women I haven’t met before have their hands on my belly, all asking questions at the same time.”
“I panicked and I just wanted to get away.”
“I said loudly, ‘I’m not pregnant!’ (not sure why I said that), turned around, and waddled myself away as fast as I could. I didn’t shout, just spoke louder than the questions.”
“I was crying by the time I got back in my car and they heard me crying as I left. Pregnancy hormones are not my friend and I cry at the drop of a hat.”
The OP’s mom didn’t appreciate her reaction to the attention.
“My mum thinks I was an AH and that I should apologize to her guests.”
“Apparently, the 2 that touched my belly made excuses and left shortly after!”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some supported the OP and her “flight” response.
“Honestly, I think sometimes weird things get blurted out when people get flustered and uncomfortable. It sounds like you were kind of cornered by strangers in this situation where they had their hands on you and it made you anxious and uncomfortable…”
“While what you blurted out was kinda weird, it could have been worse. You could have screamed at them for unwanted touching.”
“You don’t owe them an apology, they shouldn’t be grabbing at you without permission… They don’t even know you. And even if they did, it wouldn’t be OK without you saying so.”
“Many women have to deal with this issue. Even to the point where strangers on the street or bus ask to touch their baby bump. It must be weird getting that from all angles.”
“NTA, OP.” – tiffi_333
“I’d be so unnerved by a stranger coming up and touching my belly if I were pregnant. I’d probably freeze in shock for a minute.”
“Or just a stranger coming up and touching me in general.”
“Just no one touch me, k thanks.” – pillowcrates
“Not even cornered, she was straight up ambushed by random ladies she didn’t know. That’s enough to make anyone get flustered.”
“Next time (hopefully there isn’t one…) OP should yell as loud as possible, ‘STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!'” – Frejian
“I know why you said it.”
“This terrible thing would not be happening if I were not pregnant. Ergo, I declare myself not pregnant in the face of the terrible thing.”
“NTA. I’m 40+4 (I don’t want to talk about it) and the hormones absolutely take over. I’m sorry you were stressed to the point of tears over their rudeness.”
“As an introvert, it’s upsetting to be accosted by “support” even from people you know and love. From strangers, it’s unbearable.”
“Yet people suddenly see your body as community property. I’ve had strangers at Walmart ask how much I’m dilated. Excuse me, but do my cervix and I know you?”
“It is not great. You don’t owe them an apology, your mom owes you an apology.” – UnApprovedActivities
Others pointed out no one had a right to touch the OP without permission.
“Honestly, as an extrovert, I would be supremely unhappy and uncomfortable with people randomly touching my body/baby bump. Wtf, who does that?” – FallOnTheStars
“I have never understood why people think it’s okay to put their hands on someone just because she’s pregnant! I hated that!”
“Think people! We are already uncomfortable, you are in our faces and rubbing our bodies. OUR. BODIES! Not yours. And not even the body of someone you know!”
“JUST. STOP!”
“NTA” – Leading_Goose50
“If/when I’m pregnant and someone, anyone other than the child’s father, my grandma or my sister places their hand on my belly without warning they are at best (friend/non-estranged family) having their hands slapped away and a firm, ‘Ask first,’ at worst (stranger/estranged family) getting a slap in the face and I’ll shout whatever comes to mind first at them.”
“If I’m having a good day and a stranger that doesn’t set any alarms off kindly asks if they might place a hand on my belly I’ll be so happy to let them.”
“Maybe they or their lady lost a pregnancy or child. Maybe they can’t conceive. Maybe their beliefs teach them that pregnant women are lucky/revered/etc and that touching me (appropriately) might bring them something good.”
“Sadly, on a bad day, I don’t think I’d let them unless they were quiet, very kind and with very gentle vibes about them and had a good reason (lost a child).” – s*xytime_w_bread
Though the women, and OP’s mother, were surely just excited for an upcoming arrival, how they approached the situation was hardly appropriate, the sub agreed. Not only did the OP’s mom spill the beans after expressly being told not to, but the OP also had to find out about it through women trying to touch her. That’s