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Mom Tells Her Sister She Can’t Be Their Live-In Nanny Because Her Daughter Prefers Her Old One

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Finding a solid nanny for one’s children can be a huge task.

Just think about all the variables involved and it’s not hard to see why. The schedule has to work out, everyone needs to agree on pay, there is a serious trust element to it all, and you want your kids to like them.

That last variable can prove to be the most unpredictable. After all, children are rather unpredictable.

One Redditor struggled through those dynamics and recently discussed it all in a post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.

The Original Poster (OP), known as IcyArbitration on the site, used the title to share that the stakes were high and close to him in this case. 

“AITA for telling my sister she can’t live with us because my daughter prefers her babysitter?”

OP began by explaining what’s been going on with her sister. 

“My little sister [23-year-old female] graduated from college last May but has had trouble finding a job in her field.”

She’s been working odd gig jobs like doordash and some serving on the side to make ends meet. She did some modeling when she was younger and wanted to try pursuing that route again.”

OP, however, was pushed to be the solution. 

“I live in Manhattan with my husband and we both work at the same law firm so my mom convinced us to let my sister stay with us and watch our daughter [8-year-old female] over her break rather than our usual au pair we hire for the summer.”

“We told her she could have a trial run babysitting my daughter and we’d see how it goes based on that.”

But her daughter had the final say. 

“Well it’s been three weeks and we talked to my munchkin about her aunt watching her for the summer.”

“She said she liked her old babysitter much better and she wanted her back.”

“We told my sister it didn’t seem like it was going to work out so she’d need to either figure out other arrangements or head back to Kentucky.”

But it wasn’t that easy.

“She’s been making a fuss telling me I’m ruining her life and all her opportunities, but I told her I was upfront with this situation from the start.”

“We live in a modest sized two bedroom apartment and our au pair usually shares the room with my little one. I’m not going to make my daughter share her room and be forced to spend the summer with someone she doesn’t like.”

“AITA here?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Most people agreed that OP was not the a**hole in this situation. 

“NTA. Putting your daughter’s needs before your adult sister’s is the right decision. Thank you for standing up for your daughter’s comfort.” — 87catsinatrenchcoat


“Honestly I think you shouldn’t have gotten your sister’s hopes up and put your 8-year-old in an awkward position where her choice of roommate/childcare worker will affect her aunt’s future. It sounds like things have worked reasonably well so far, but I hope your sister doesn’t carry bitterness about this forward, and it sounds like she might.”

“Still, I don’t think that makes you an a**hole.” — My_Dramatic_Persona

“NTA Your sister was warned it was merely a trial run. And you gave her a fair shot and your daughter prefers her nanny. Who most likely gives her more attention than her aunt did.” — Flippn_Freddy

“NTA Your sister wants to do some modeling. Here’s an interesting question: If she started getting gigs, who would watch your daughter? Was she looking for work? Who was watching your daughter then?”

“They could have called and told her they wanted her next day. What would she have done with the little girl? Childcare is a job. Your daughter isn’t a houseplant or a cat.” — Faeglantina

Some who agreed with OP did still have patience for her sister. 

“NTA. She applied for a Job, did a trial period and didn’t meet the criteria. That is how work works. You have to put your daughters needs first. Also, why rob the Au pair of her Job, if she is doing it so well, just because lil Sis wants to be a model in the big city? Sounds unfair.”

“Still, your Sister dosen’t sound tooo entitled and like someone at least willing to work. Is there maybe another way you could try to help her?” — Laylilay

“N-T-A or N-A-H. could she maybe stay on the couch and pay for her stay? Even for just the summer and if she can’t find a job then she’ll have to go home.”

“Things are kinda rough right now and as a long islander I gotta assume NY has more job opportunities for her than Kentucky.”

“If not that’s fine though bc at the end of the day it’s your space and you’re certainly not TA for making sure your daughter is happy and comfortable with who she has as her babysitter.” — cchampagnex

But a fair amount of people did call OP the a**hole, though for another reason entirely. 

“YTA, just for making the au pair share a room with the child all summer. How can you afford to live in NYC, are able to afford an au pair, but can’t even give them their own room? I think its time you considered Jersey.” — Gojira085

“YTA for being so entitled you have an adult sharing a room with a child while you employ them.”

“That’s disgusting.” — verilius21a

“YTA for not giving your au pair a room. I was looking into hiring an au pair as I’ve just had a baby, but it’s basic stuff that they get their own room, and because I can’t afford that, I didn’t hire an au pair.”

“She needs a room with a door that locks. This is basic stuff. Also you were a dick to your sister but the au pair’s situation is my bigger concern.” — Big_Bumblebee_5795

“YTA for taking advantage of foreign workers and not providing a separate room for your au pair. That’s straight up illegal in most parts of world and you two, as lawyers, should know that.” — apurplebeet

So it appears that, at least according to Reddit, OP’s decision is a complicated one no matter which way she cuts it. 


Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.