Redditor saidwhatisai has endured endless negative and demeaning comments from her sister-in-law regarding her husband.
The Original Poster (OP) recently decided she had had enough of her SIL’s antics and snapped back.
But was her clap back too harsh? This is the question that drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for snapping at my SIL after she kept insulting my husband?”
She went on to explain:
“I have a SIL, ‘Alison’, who is married to my brother ‘Harvey’. I will be honest, I don’t like Alison. She’s the most negative, bitter person I’ve ever had to spend more than an hour with.”
“She has a negative opinion about everything, but notably, my husband. Most of the time I just brush it off but we’re all at my parents’ for Christmas and her comments have been constant.”
“Example 1 – She hates that me or my husband refer to him looking after our daughter as ‘babysitting’. Unpopular opinion nowadays, but I don’t mind it.”
“We actually both use the term for when one of us wants to do a recreational activity and the other has our daughter.”
“I say ‘he’s at golf so I’m babysitting’ and he’ll say ‘she’s going to dinner so I’m babysitting’. However, Alison is only upset when my husband says it.”
“Example 2 – She needles him by asking pointed questions that she thinks ‘any mother would know’ and then gets smug when he doesn’t know the answer.”
“Example 3 – Every time I do anything with my daughter (and I do most things with her around me because that’s what she’s used to)…”
“…Alison makes comments about me being to be a ‘married single parent’”
“I’ve told her to stop many times. I’ve told Harvey to stop her many times. Nothing works.”
“My husband and I have an agreement that we don’t fight with the other’s side of the family so I feel bad that I haven’t been able to do anything about Alison’s comments.”
“Then, two days ago, we were all in the dining room, with the exception of my husband who was finishing up some work.”
“Alison remarked that she hasn’t seen him all day and that it was really rude that he wasn’t putting in more effort to spend time with his daughter or the family.”
“I sternly told her that my husband is working to provide for his family and that not everyone can just take weeks off at a time.”
“Alison then said ‘of course you’d say that, you’re basically paid to be his bang-nanny’ (I’m a SAHM). I cannot remember the last time I was so enraged.”
“Before i could even fully process my own thoughts, I said ‘Yeah, and you get cheated on for free. Tell me who got the better deal’.”
“For context, everyone knows about Harvey’s indiscretions, but I guess Alison didn’t know we were aware.”
“Alison went silent, then left the table. It’s been two days and she hasn’t said a word to me, barely any to anyone else, won’t even make eye contact.”
“Harvey is livid that I brought it up, but I told him he had his chance to make her stop and he didn’t so I did.”
“My dad said she f*cked around and found out, my mom said she feels bad because Alison is quite obviously humiliated.”
“I said she earned it from how she was always trying to embarrass my husband, but my mom says it’s different because no one took her seriously.”
“I think she threw a stone straight through her glass house but she does seem really miserable so I’m wondering if I’m the AH?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
”NTA. She’s incredibly passive aggressive. Whatever parenting style works for you is fine as long as your child is happy, cared for, and healthy.”
“I hope she and your brother don’t have any kids cause she sounds like a nightmare to co-parent with. Especially if you’re a man. Your brother also sucks, btw.”
“Edit: Ok guys I get it the aggressiveness wasn’t passive at all. English isn’t my first language and I wasn’t thinking about the ‘passive’ part of the comment :(…”
“…sorry but I believe the general point of the comment still came across as I intended.” – okstar63
“NTA because you tried to address it before to no avail. You talked to her. Your brother talked to her. Nothing changed. I agree she deserved this takedown.”
”Your mother’s comment is terribly worrying too; ‘No one took her seriously.’ Why didn’t they care that someone was being so insulting all the time?”
“I got a chuckle out of it as well. You might consider showing these comments to family members.” – stroppo
“Normally I would say shame on you for bringing up cheating, but in this case NTA. What the H did she expect when she went heavy armored and called you a bang nanny?”
“That’s pretty unforgivable. You went nuclear and looks like it worked since she’s disappeared into the ether. Maybe her husband’s cheating is driving her vendetta against you and your husband.”
“And easy for your mom to say no one takes it seriously. Obviously you do since it’s said about you, your husband and your marriage.”
“I’m at the age (61) where I’m kind of done turning the other cheek just to keep peacewhen someone is nasty… cough SIL.”
“I don’t know if I could go as far as you did, but you seemed to have shut her up for now.”
“Don’t expect a Christmas gift though.” – Temporary-King3339
“Its a bit weird your mom says no one takes her seriously, when it actually hurt both you and hubbys feelings and you have tried multiple times to get her to stop the comments.”
“It was serious and you wanted her to stop.”
“And you actually seem to have achieved that now! It doesn’t feel great to say mean things, but ffs she called you a bang nanny… good for you for actually saying something!”
“NTA in any way” – Master-Discussion539
“NTA”
“bang nanny – seriously? That’s well beyond that pale and a vulgar, very personal attack. F*ck that – she deserved whatever wrath came down upon her after that horrific comment. Zero sympathy!”
“At least your dad has your back. You very oddly left out your husband’s response!?”
“Hopefully he was appalled by Alison’s slur and is supporting you aggressively defending yourself (and largely staying by the sidelines while supporting as it’s more a family thing at this point).”
“Of course Harvey is pissed – he’s every bit as humiliated as his wife and he only has himself to blame…”
“…both for cheating and for not shutting down his wife’s abhorrent behavior before it came to a head.”
“Your mom’s reaction feels like she’s just trying to keep the peace, although she really should hold Allison – and Harvey – more accountable.”
“She’s more upset because there’s no walking back from your comment – the cat is out of the bag and never going back in.”
“In summary – great job shutting down Allison. Her bang nanny comment absolutely demanded a strong response and virtually NO ONE was going to stand up to Allison’s vitriol.”
“You were forced into a corner and pounced like a lion – don’t feel guilty for your reaction – feel bad that no one else was defending you until it was far, far too late.”
“Hopefully, lesson learned for all!” – AppropriateScience71
“‘Yeah, and you got cheated on for free. Tell me who got the better deal’”
“chefs kiss I literally hollered at that part, NTA. It’s important for couples to always have each others back, both when gone and present.”
“Dad said it best, she f*cked around and then she found out!! Iconic!” – ParticularProgram845
“NTA. She has no problem endlessly dishing it out, but she can’t take a single serving in return. She definitely got her just desserts for her behavior.”
“You got what you should have had all along – some relief from her insults. With luck, she’ll remove herself from the picture entirely.” – extinct_diplodocus
“NTA. Of course she’s miserable, her MO is clearly putting others down because she hates her own life and needs to be sure she’s not the only one miserable…”
“…your comment didn’t make that happen AT ALL. Your brother and SIL got what they were asking for, and neither has a right to be upset by what you said (as long as it was true).” – DrippyMagoo
“Ahahahahhahahaha…. NTA. Love that comeback for you.”
“It would have been a little much if she were just saying he needed to do more, but she’s the one who went nuclear by calling you a ‘bang-nanny’.”
“You simply responded in kind. I agree with your dad, she f*cked around and found out.” – operaheaux
“‘my mom says it’s different because no one took her seriously’”
“Mom needs to be called on her bullsh*t. OP took it seriously. OP’s hubby took it seriously.”
“That’s not ‘no one.’ NTA, OP. Good job standing up for yourself and your hubs.”
“You tried it the nice way over and over. That rock through her glass house came with plenty of warnings.” – Thingamajiggles
Sometimes people get what’s coming.
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