The responsibility of caring for a newborn cannot be overstated.
This tiny little creature is dependant on you for everything from nourishment to affection.
Of course, we’re still fallible creatures.
What happens when the care being given isn’t quite up to another’s standard?
This was th issue that brought Redditor and Original Poster (OP) __Throw775901 to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for answers.
In a since-deleted post, she asked:
“AITA for snapping at my husband after finding him sleeping when he was supposed to watch our son?”
She began with the background.
“I’m a new mom I have a 6 months old son.”
“I have extended my maternity leave but my husband convinced me to go back to work earlier than I was supposed to.”
“First week went well but then this came up.”
Then explained the problem
“Yesterday I came home early from work and found my husband sleeping on the couch not flat but he was sitting up and his head was leaning to the side with our son sleeping his lap.”
“He even was snoring if I recall correctly.”
“I was dumbfounded I loudly called his name telling him to wake up.”
“He then asked why I came home early but I asked how long he had been sleeping like that.”
“He said he didn’t exactly [know] but after our son fell asleep.”
“At this point, I went off on him and said he shouldn’t have let our son out of his sight but he did that when he closed his eyes.”
“He said he was just napping and our son was with him not the other room still I stated he should never be sleeping while alone with our son and there is no one else in the apartment because anything could happen in a matter of seconds.”
“Again he said he was just napping and that since He is naturally a light sleeper then nothing will happen that he wouldn’t know about and said this was just my paranoia talking since I’m struggling to stay away from my son after those 6 months.”
“Our son woke up from the noise we made while arguing and I took him and entered the room.”
The argument continued.
“My husband later continued the argument saying I overreacted like way over the top reaction and treated him as if he was the babysitter by scolding instead of seeing him as an equal parent with the same amount of fears and concerns towards our son.”
“He then went on to say I wasn’t being appreciative of him making so much effort and being tired as a result and treating the situation as if there was any neglect on his part.”
She was left to wonder:
“Was I wrong here?”
Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some responses were gentle.
“YTA first advice given to mothers is nap when your baby naps.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“You overreacted maybe due to jealousy but you owe your husband an apology”~julesguk
Others pointed out that OP’s priorities aren’t where they need to be.
“That is a very big deal because even a 6mo can be pinned to the couch, unable to breathe if husband would roll in his sleep.”
“That’s actually a thing warned against for SIDS.”
“Sleeping is not the issue, sleeping with the child on top of you on a couch is the big issue.”
“But OP didn’t make it about that, she wants constant vigilance of the child which is unattainable and makes her TA.”
“It’s hard going back to work, I fully understand that from experience, but it sounds like OP has significant trust issues which is damaging the co-parenting and parent/child relationships.”
“They could use some couples counseling to sort this out and I hope they do that.“~Primary-Eggplant-612
“That is a big deal and the only issue in this post but that is not the issue OP had.”
“Apparently a parent shouldn’t sleep at all, according to her logic.”
“Maybe that’s why her husband had her end her extended maternity leave…..maybe he saw her getting burnt out at home from lack of sleep.”~Jam_reader84
There were many who pointed out that both parents were in the wrong.
“Esh- the reason I’m going with this is because your husband had your baby in an unsafe sleeping position (on his lap if I read this correctly).”
“But if your husband is going to be a caretaker you need to understand that as long as your baby is placed in a bassinet, crib, or pack’n’play safely, there should be no issues with your husband taking a cat nap.”
“I’m a sahm(stay at home mom) and I napped a lot when my son napped and he was fine.”
“I get that you’re a new mom and as parents, our brains jump to worst-case scenarios but you have to trust that your husband is going to be a good father.”
“I would have a discussion about safer sleep practices, but don’t scold him because he napped and anything could happen.”
“Edit because I saw your comment about being up all night.”
“Please talk to your doctor, at 6 months your baby should be sleeping in longer stretches allowing you to get some sleep.”
“You might have postpartum depression or anxiety.”
“Please talk to your doctor.”
“You’re ideal of having a parent/caretaker awake 24/7 isn’t healthy.”~andecandies
“Both of you are AH potentially.”
“You for going off on him.”
“However the baby was in his lap while both were sleeping.”
“If dad wanted to nap while baby was sleeping he should have put him in his crib or play pen first for safety.”
“Second, did dad plan on napping while baby was awake?”
“Or did he decide to after baby fall asleep?”
“He can sleep/nap when baby naps however for not putting baby in a safe place he is an AH.”~anonn86753099
Being a new parent is a lot of responsibility.
The obligation, though, isn’t just about caring for the child.
Parents have a duty to take care of themselves too, so that they can be fully present for their babies.