There are few greater gifts in life than becoming a parent.
However, bringing children into the world is only sometimes a wholly joyful experience for expecting mothers.
As mothers must endure childbirth, one of the most physically painful experiences anyone can go through, even with an epidural.
But for many mothers, pregnancy can be an equally uncomfortable experience.
Redditor Street_Blackberry174 was recently out to lunch with her colleagues when the topic of pregnancy came up.
During this conversation, the original poster (OP) discovered that her pregnancy experience differed considerably from her colleagues, which she openly shared.
One of the OP’s new colleagues did not take kindly to the OP sharing her experience, which also seemingly ended up affecting their working relationship.
Still perplexed by the aftermath of this conversation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my co-worker that I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy?”
The OP explained why her colleague did not appreciate the OP sharing her honest experience with pregnancy:
“A new co-worker started 3 months ago.”
“Let’s call her Linda.”
“She seems pretty nice, which is why I’m really not sure about all this.”
“At my work, we have a tradition where once a new employee successfully completes their probation, we go out for a team lunch.”
“Nothing fancy, but something nice to celebrate.”
“Linda passed her probation, so we went out for lunch.”
“As we’re eating, we all get to talking, and the topic of ‘the magic of pregnancy/childbirth’ comes up.”
“Everyone was sharing sweet moments from their pregnancy.”
“I enthusiastically joined in but didn’t share any of my own.”
“I think Linda noticed because she specifically turned to me and said:”
“Linda: ‘You had twins, didn’t you? That must have been a wonderful experience’.”
“I smiled and said something along the lines of how I wished my pregnancy and birth had been as positive an experience as theirs had been.”
“To be clear it was not said sarcastically at all.”
“The truth is I hated every moment of being pregnant.”
“I could write a long list of all the ‘magical’ symptoms I had but I’ll just give you the highlights.”
“Horrific vivid nightmares.”
“Hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness).”
“Debilitating migraines.”
“A metallic taste in my mouth.”
“And then the birth….”
“Honestly I feel like anything that could go wrong (but not be life threatening) did go wrong.”
“Worst of all, due to some of the complications I ended up being kept in hospital for a while, so I missed the first few days with my girls.”
“It’s safe to say I hated every moment of being pregnant, and every moment of labour.”
“It was not a magical experience by any stretch of the imagination.”
“I didn’t say any of this to Linda, I just responded as I mentioned.”
“After my reply, Linda started getting short with me.”
“Later, I asked her privately what was going on.”
“She snapped and told me what I said was ‘insensitive’ and ‘undermined’ their experiences and told me I was an a-hole for it.”
“Since then, she’s sort of cooled off, and is less hostile (or at least less openly hostile), but last week she invited all the girls in the team to a ladies night.”
“Everyone but me.”
“Now, I don’t mind so much, since ladies nights are not really my thing, but the fact that she pointedly excluded me has made things awkward.”
“I feel like I need to do something.”
“I’m not really in the mood for drama.”
“I have enough of that in my life right now.”
“I don’t need more, so I haven’t confronted her about it yet.”
“And as I said, she is otherwise a really nice person, normally pretty friendly and easy going.”
“So I’m left wondering if I really was an a-hole.”
“Was what I said insensitive?”
“Did it undermine their experience?”
“Before I ask her about it, I could use some perspective because I honestly just don’t know.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for sharing that she had a difficult pregnancy.
Everyone agreed that if anyone was being “insensitive” in this situation, it was Linda, who not only could have shown more compassion towards the OP, but also was putting her nose in places she didn’t belong.
“Good lord, sooooo NTA.”
“I would have wondered if she was pregnant with the way she responded.”
“I also had a very miserable pregnancy and a serious life-threatening event (heart failure), so I can’t relate to these stories.”
“You weren’t being sarcastic, you weren’t telling these women that they sucked for having positive experiences, you didn’t call them liars.”
“You just shared your experience.”
“She has shown that she’s very petty by excluding you from a ladies night event.”
“All of this would make me very cautious of working on any projects with her.”
“Good luck.”- All7AndWeWatchEmFall
“NTA.”
“Linda is playing mean girl, and you are her first target.”- Far_Information_9613
“NTA.”
“I hated every minute of it too.”
“Sure I was excited to be having a baby but the actual experience of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding were incredibly unpleasant.”
“I am very happy for people who enjoyed it, maybe even slightly jealous of them, but everyone experiences things differently and that’s ok.”
“It’s not undermining anyone else’s experience.”
“If it was then you could argue that their gushing about it is undermining the struggle and unpleasant symptoms that you had.”
“Perhaps she is struggling with fertility or something that’s made her sensitive to the subject.”
“I would just try and avoid the topic with her and try to be friendly as you don’t know why she reacted that way and you have to work with her so it’s better to get along.”- whynousernamelef
“NTA at all.”
“It would have been borderline if you regaled them with a horror show, but even then, that’s simply just truthful.”
“Not everything is sunshine and unicorns, and while some are ill-equipped to handle reality, that’s a them problem, not a you problem.”- TX-Pete
“NTA.”
“We’re supposed to lie and just pretend it’s the most beautiful thing ever.”
“I think more people should be honest about what it’s really like for a lot of women.”
“So, distance yourself from her because she doesn’t want to live in reality.”
“I bet the teen pregnancy rates would drop significantly if they weren’t fantasizing about ‘being over the moon’ based on bs.”- SnoopyisCute
“NTA.”
“It’s funny that she says you undermined their experiences when in reality when she assumed everyone had a good pregnancy and was annoyed at OPs experience, she was now actually undermining and insensitive.”
“You should tell her that if any she’s the one who did what you said!”- DateSignificant7741
“NTA.”
“You have the right to feel as you do about your pregnancy and it in no way reflects on anyone else’s experience.”
“Leave this person alone, no need to bring up her reaction to you or her remarks.”
“She’s judgmental and who needs it.”
“LOL Just do your job and leave it at that.”- hadMcDofordinner
“NTA.”
“You are allowed to express that your pregnancy was not enjoyable.”
“It doesn’t sound like you did so in an aggressive, hostile or judgemental way, you just stated it wasn’t a magical experience FOR YOU.”
“We as a society put too much expectation on women in regards to pregnancy and childbirth.”
“It’s a serious, lengthy medical process, and for a lot of people, it is not an enjoyable experience.”
“Someone else being upset that you didn’t enjoy your experience with pregnancy is not something you need to dance around or avoid talking about.”
“They opened up the conversation, and you were polite and honest about your feelings.”
“If they don’t want a potential unpleasant truth, don’t ask the question.”
“NTA.”- Top-Indication-5009
“NTA.”
“You were perfectly appropriate.”
“You shared your own experience without getting into the details and bringing everybody down.”
“I don’t know what Linda’s problem is, but I hope you can continue to cultivate good relationships with your other coworkers.”- Regular_Boot_3540
“NTA.”
“If you can’t stand the truth – don’t ask.”
“Life is not a fairy tale.”
“Don’t expect others to lie to you that it is.”- HypersomnicHysteric
“NTA.”
“I hated every second of being pregnant, and I will not sugarcoat it.”
“With my last and definitely final pregnancy, I threw up from what felt like the second I found out I was pregnant to a week before I had her at 30 weeks.”
“You don’t deserve her hostility just because you had a different experience than her.”
“It’s immature and just plain stupid.”
“I wouldn’t confront her.”
“You’d just be wasting your time and energy.”- redhead9390
It would be one thing if the OP had directly attacked or criticized her colleagues for what they said about their pregnancies.
Which, ironically, is exactly what Linda did.
However, the OP not only shared her honest opinion but also expressed some jealousy that she didn’t have it as easy as Linda or her colleagues did.
One can only hope that Linda excluding the OP from her “girls night” will be as bad as it will get between them.
Something the Reddit community, sadly, doesn’t seem to think will be the case.