Parents have very mixed feelings about when the time finally comes for their children to “fly the coop.”
There is a fair amount of sadness, as it means their children have grown up, and will slowly start living their own lives independent of their families.
There is also at least some relief and excitement, it means the time has come for fewer people to support, and more freedom on their part.
That is, assuming the children do, actually, fly the coop.
Despite both having full-time jobs, the children of Redditor New-Map-6851s21 both still lived with her.
With the original poster (OP) still more or less taking care of all household finances.
Beginning to feel the beginnings of financial strain, the OP considered implementing changes in her household.
Changes the OP’s daughter made clear she would not tolerate.
Wondering if her idea was unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for charging my adult children rent?”
The OP explained why she felt it necessary to throw an ultimatum on her children:
“I 49 F[emale] have 2 adult children who both still live at home, Emma 25 F and Ian 23 M[ale].”
“Their father and I divorced 12 years ago so it’s been the 3 of us for a while now.”
“I had received child support until they turned 18.”
“Their father had paid it willingly so it wasn’t arranged through the courts.”
“This is why he stopped at 18 even though they were both technically still in school.”
“Fast forward to present day.”
“They both work full time, don’t have any debt from school, and both still live at home.”
“I have asked them repeatedly to contribute a set amount each month towards household expenses since I can’t continue supporting them forever.”
“Ian doesn’t have a problem with this, but Emma thinks it’s my responsibility as her mother to support her financially until she’s ready to move out.”
“I’m not asking them for much or trying to profit from them, I just want to be able to save for my retirement and be able to retire.”
“I’d be happy with $100 each a week to cover their share of groceries, utilities, and household supplies.”
“I buy all the groceries, laundry detergent, toilet paper, etc for the house.”
“They are responsible for their cars and related expenses, cell phones, and personal toiletries.”
“Some of my daughter’s friends live at home for free, but those friends also live in a home with both parents working.”
“My daughter has actually said she will quit her job and go on social assistance just so she can’t afford to pay me rent.”
“So internet strangers, AITA for asking my adult children to pay rent to live at home?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for charging her children rent.
Everyone agreed that the OP was well within her rights to charge her children rent, with many even encouraging her to go a step further and kick Emma out:
“NTA.”
“‘Emma thinks it’s my responsibility as her mother to support her financially until she’s ready to move out’.”
“Emma has some wild ideas.”
“‘My daughter has actually said she will quit her job and go on social assistance just so she can’t afford to pay me rent’.”
“You know, what?”
“F*ck the $100 a week.”
“Kick her ungrateful a** out, yesterday.”
“She thinks this is a f*cking game.”
“Show her exactly how true that is.”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
“Tell Emma that she has 3 options:”
“Start paying a hundred a week to cover what she uses so she can still live with you.”
“Convince her Dad to let her move into his place so he can 100% support her indefinitely.”
“Find her own place alone or with roommates.”
“Tell her the free ride is over.”
“You love her but you’re not going to subsidize a mooch.”- Flat_Contribution707
“NTA.”
“If they were going to school I wouldn’t charge rent.”
“But given they are working, there should be a nominal rent.”
“$400 for rent and groceries, etc, is very reasonable.”
“I’d be more assertive and tell, not ask.”
“Sounds like Ian will pay, which will make it seem easier to get Emma to pay.”
“I’d change the password on the internet and give it only to people who pay their rent.”
“Time to unfeather the nest.”- houseonpost
“NTA, 23 and 25 is plenty old to be paying rent – especially if they don’t have loans to pay off.”
“Plus, I would imagine that what you plan to charge them is well below market rate.”
“I’m 27 and have been living independently since I was 18 in one of the most expensive regions of the US, and I am by no means a high earner.”
“My brother was kicked out of our parents house when he was 22 and also manages to survive in a relatively expensive area on very limited income.”
“Your kids are very lucky to have a parent who has supported them completely up to this point and should be willing to contribute to the household they live in.”
“Paying into collective expenses now will help them understand what life really costs and prepare them for (hopefully) living on their own in the future.”- KatyClaws
“NTA.”
“But honestly I think it would be best for everyone if Emma moved out.”
“Give her a 30 or 60-day notice.”
“She desperately needs to experience real life.”- bokatan778
“‘My daughter has actually said she will quit her job and go on social assistance just so she can’t afford to pay me rent’.”
“Wow it’s like the adult equivalent of ‘making me do chores is against child labor law!”
“That’s really gross and manipulative coming from an adult.”
“It sounds like she really does need to move out to understand how expensive it is to exist.”
“I would give her a set amount of time to decide if she’s paying rent or moving.”
“You aren’t kicking her out, she has options!”
“If and when she gives notice that she will move, give her a set amount of time to find a place.”- Dangerous_Deer488
“NTA.”
“I had a deal with my parents. As soon as I stopped education, I had to start contributing.”
“It wasn’t a lot £200-£300 a month ($250-$375) which allowed me to still save up for my own place and do what I wanted too like trips or buying a car etc.”
“Teaching financial responsibility isn’t easy.”
“Good luck!”- ConstantAffect4798
“NTA at all.”
“It’s totally normal and actually responsible to ask ur adult children to contribute when they’re living at home and working. $100 a week is like, nothing compared to actual rent and covers just basic expenses.”
“Emma threatening to quit her job and go on social assistance just to avoid paying is manipulative and ridiculous.”
“She needs a reality check.”
“You deserve to save for retirement and not be financially burdened by ur adult kids.”- Blushautumn
“NTA.”
“It was your responsibility to raise them until they were capable of being self-sufficient adults.”
“Job done.”
“Good work, mama.”
“It is not like you are extorting them, asking them to chip in and help pay for their own existence is 100% reasonable.”- banksyswife
“NTA.”
“You supported her into adulthood and beyond.”
“She’s 25.”
“She’s got a job, no school debt – and it’s time she left the nest.”
“Inform her she has 90 days to find a new place to live, or you will begin eviction proceedings.”
“Otherwise, she can SIGN A CONTRACT stating she will pay you rent, or you will begin eviction proceedings.”
“No one gets a free ride until ‘they’re ready to move out’.”- Darwynnia
“I’d say it’s time for Emma to move out.”
“I’d give her a deadline of 30 days and at the end of those 30 days, help her pack and change the locks.”
“NTA.”- LowBalance4404
“NTA.”
“Wow, your daughter seems entitled.”
“I still live with my single-parent mom because I live in an expensive part of Florida and I willingly pay ‘rent’.”
“My mom doesn’t charge me any where near market rate, just enough to help cover the bills.”
“Honestly, with out each other neither of us could afford to live in the home we do.”
“At 25 your daughter should be learning some money management.”
“Her saying that she will quit her job and go on assistance is extremely childish and selfish.”- swisher07
“NTA.”
“Its totally normal to ask ur adult kids to contribute to household expenses when they’re living at home and working.”
“$100 a week is practically nothing, and it sounds like it barely covers their share of the bills.”
“Emma threatening to quit her job just to avoid paying is ridiculous and shows how entitled she is.”
“You deserve to save for retirement, and ur not obligated to financially support her forever.”- Willowstardream
All parents want to be there for their children.
But children need to learn to become independent and stop relying on their parents.
Drastic though it may be, sometimes the only way for that lesson to kick in is to kick them out.
Which might be exactly the lesson Emma needs to learn.