Even the most disciplined and frugal souls occasionally find themselves struggling with their finances.
Not always as to whether or not they’ll be able to pay the bills, necessarily, but whether or not they can justify making certain purchases.
For every now and then, who hasn’t been tempted to splurge on something they know might be pushing their financial limits just the tiniest bit, but feel that the experience will make it all worth it.
Some find themselves eventually deciding against it after crunching the numbers one last time, others, however, might decide to ignore their bank accounts and go for it.
Redditor Winter-Blood3489 and her boyfriend recently fell into some tough times financially, resulting in their moving in with the parents of the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend.
With the OP’s financial situation improving, she felt it was time for them all to go on a family vacation she’d been dreaming about.
Unfortunately, as the financial situation of the OP’s boyfriend hadn’t really improved at all, he nixed the idea.
Not yet ready to throw in the towel, the OP looked for ways to make the vacation still happen, eventually landing on a possible solution.
Wondering if this would be unfair to her boyfriend, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting to take my bio kid to Disney and not including my bonus kids?”
The OP explained how she came up with a way for her and her child to enjoy a trip to Disneyland, which came with one tricky condition:
“I (31) have a kid (2) with my boyfriend (31).”
“He has previous kids from a previous relationship, 8 & 9 years old.”
“I am the bread winner due to him not being able to keep the good jobs.”
“We lost our rental a couple of months back due to his lack of financial responsibility.”
“I did not know he wasn’t making payments towards certain bills therefore, me paying for everything plus playing catch up became too much.”
“During these past couple of months we have been living with his parents, and our goal was to pay off our debt.”
“Well, I’ve caught up on nearly 10k on debt while he’s been able to only pay off $500.”
“I do give him grace knowing he doesn’t make much money, however, I know he has no other payments other than his phone and daycare.”
“Therefore, paying a little extra towards debt should not be an issue.”
“Anyway, this summer, I really wanted to take a trip out to Disneyland.”
“I told him about us going as a whole, he agreed.”
“Well as it gets closer, he’s now saying we don’t need to go, it’s going to be too hot and too packed.”
“‘The little one won’t remember’ ‘the older kids aren’t that into Disney anymore’ which he tends to do this type of tactics when he realizes he can’t financially do it.”
“I have no issue doing 50/50 but that’s where he won’t meet me half way.”
“He rather no one go.”
“So my question is, would I be the a**hole if I decide to make it a trip with just my bio kid and I?”
“And him pay his way if he can afford it?”
“I hate this situation but I am a firm believer in not letting my kid lose out on experiences if others aren’t willing to do that for them.”
“This is why I work so hard, so she will never miss out on anything and have everything she wants and needs.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed that the OP would indeed be the a**hole for taking her daughter to Disneyland without her boyfriend and his two children.
Or, for that matter, taking her to Disneyland at all.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was in no position to take a vacation of any kind at the moment, as she and her boyfriend still couldn’t afford their own place and were living with her boyfriend’s parents, which should be a priority. Others pointed out that the OP’s boyfriend was right in that their youngest child was too young to remember anything about the trip.
“Let me get this straight…you, your under achieving bf, and 3 kids are living with his parents. .and you think going to Disney is a smart choice?”
“YTA.”
“Take the disney money and put a deposit on an apartment for you and your daughter.”-Proud_Internet_Troll
“YTA.”
“You daughter NEEDS a house.”
“She isn’t even old enough to know if she WANTS a trip to Disneyland.”
“Take the money you would spend on vacation and go get some housing, preferably without your financially unstable boyfriend.”- TheRealEleanor
“YTA.”
“You can’t afford a place to live and you want your take a 2yo who won’t rents damn thing to Disney?”
“Priorities.”
“You need them.”- Content-Purple9092
“YTA.”
“If you take a vacation while living in someone else home period end of f*cking story.”-Cautious_Pool_3445
“YTA.”
“You can’t afford Disney right now.”
“A 2 year old won’t remember Disney.”
“How do your boyfriend’s parents feel about a Disney trip when you all can’t afford to support yourselves and live independently?”- cassowary32
“YTA.”
“You are housing insecure and you want to go to Disney?”
“I get that the insecurity is your BF fault, but you’re a couple and a family.”
“Either work with him to be a stable family or leave him and take your kid to Disney when you want to.”- MaggieMae68
Others had trouble sympathizing with anyone in this scenario, perplexed that the OP’s boyfriend still found himself falling into debt and holding her back, and some questioned why the OP was staying with him.
“ESH.”
“On what planet can you afford a trip to Disney when you’re living with your boyfriend’s parents?”
“At least he has enough sense to think it’s a bad idea.”
“Your 2 year old isn’t going to remember anything.”
“I think you’re using this as a means of sticking it to your boyfriend because you’re resentful of his financial situation.”
“Well guess what girlie, you tied yourself to this man for life, and you’re living in his parents’ house too.”
“This is also your financial situation.”- ParlorSoldier
“ESH.”
“If you’re not able to keep stable housing and have debt, you’re not able to afford Disney for anyone right now.”
“And kids are just kids.”
“Don’t treat any of them as ‘bonus’.”- thirdtryisthecharm
“You’re joking, right?”
“Your priorities are messed up.”
“Pay off your debt and move out of your bfs parents’ house.”
“Not go on vacation.”
“How rude is it to live at someone house because you lost housing and now want to spend money saved on a vacation instead of moving out.”
“It’s absolutely ridiculous.”
“Are you paying bfs parents rent?”
“Or are they letting you stay for free to save up and move out?”
“You are both financially irresponsible.”
“If your bf can’t afford to pay off his debt, move out with your daughter and get your own place.”
“She is the priority.”
“Also, the bf is right.”
“Your daughter is 2, and she won’t remember anything about this trip.”
“You want to go Disneyland for you don’t say it’s for your daughter.”
“ESH.”- Ace_boy08
Upon reading everything the Reddit community had to say, a somewhat contrite OP returned to share how she planned on proceeding, while also clarifying some things about her current financial situation.
“Thank you all for your kind and tough love comments!”
“I did forget to elaborate more on living situation.”
“As of today, I do have enough saved and are in the works with a realtor about getting us a home.”
“My bf & I are in mutual agreement that I am putting everything in my name & I’m thankful for our family to have let me stay with them so I could prioritize having nearly no more debt.”
“Still have those student loans.”
“On his end… He is working on getting it together financially, so I’m thankful for his efforts but at the end of the day I want to do this house for myself.”
“And the trip, was just a reward I also saved for.”
“Thanks for the opinions on her being too little.”
“I do go back and forth on this as well.”
“Maybe I will give it some more time and go a little more local.”
One thing is clear: the OP clearly wants to provide for her daughter and give her opportunities she will always remember.
That said, as many have pointed out, it seems clear that she needs to seriously reevaluate her priorities.
And much as we all may hate to admit it, a trip to a Disney park should never be a priority over having a place to live and/or financial stability.