We always want to stand by our family.
Even when they make a mistake that embraces, or even horrifies us.
Sometimes, however, if a family member’s behavior is bad enough, slightly more drastic actions need to be taken.
No matter how much taking such actions may hurt.
Redditor Similar-Rip9212 recently attended a party to which his college age son brought his girlfriend.
Unfortunately, the girlfriend of the original poster (OP)’s son ended up in tears during the party, entirely owing to things the OP’s nephew said about her.
Prompting the OP to do the only thing he felt was appropriate.
After being told he was “blowing things out of proportion” by other family members, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for throwing my nephew out of a family party?”
The OP explained why he felt it necessary to kick his nephew out of a recent party he threw:
“For some context, me (53 M[ale]) and my family live in the South, specifically Charleston, SC.”
“A year back my son Jake (20 M[ale] now) started attending the University of South Carolina (go Gamecocks!) and during his freshman year he met a lovely girl named Monique (also 20 years old.)”
“Monique is African-American, while our family is Caucasian, but neither me nor anyone else in my immediate family has had any issue with that.”
“She’s sweet, beautiful, and overall an incredible young woman, and we all accepted her with open arms from the first time we met her.”
“A week ago, my wife and I held a party at our home, and Jake and Monique both made the trip from college to attend.”
“The party was going well until I noticed Jake and Monique were alone and Monique was crying.”
“I asked what had happened and Monique told me that Jake’s cousin Greg (17 M[ale]) had told him that he shouldn’t ‘slum it’ and called Monique a ghetto wh*re, among other racist remarks.”
“I went to find Greg and he admitted to this, saying that he was just ‘looking out for my cousin’.”
“At this point, I told him to leave, and he and his parents left, but his parents have been on me as of late for ‘blowing things out of proportion’.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking their nephew out of his party.
Everyone agreed that the OP didn’t blow anything out of proportion and felt his boyfriend’s behavior was blatant racism that should never be tolerated.
“NTA.”
“You didn’t blow things out of proportion.”
“You set a basic standard for guests in your home and asked them to leave if they couldn’t respect it.”
“They aren’t taking their son’s racism seriously enough.”- aj_alva
“Blowing things out of proportion?”
“NTA, that was straight up racism.”
“You don’t tolerate that in your house, period.”- Party_Advisor_4136
“NTA.”
“You threw a racist out of your home, who cares if it’s your nephew.”- Icy-Mix-6550
“You’re absolutely NTA.”
“BUT kids don’t learn racism/hatred from nowhere so if the parents are blowing it off, then it’s obvious who he gets it from.”- Your_Daddy_1972
“NTA.”
“Don’t tolerate racism.”- 3OrcsInATrenchcoat
“You are what you tolerate.”
“If you hadn’t kicked him out, you would have been saying you welcome racists, which is the same as saying you don’t welcome black people.”
“I grew up in a very racist family.”
“I had a Hispanic boyfriend I warned and warned and warned, but he insisted it couldn’t be that bad, and we should go to Thanksgiving.”
“We didn’t last 20 minutes.”
“I have had to cut ties with everyone who didn’t learn to be better.”
“If I kept up with them and had them in my life, they would have access to harm a lot of other people I care about.”
“And it turns out my life is much better, not having to listen to their stupid opinions.”
“NTA unless you cave.”- Broken-Collagen
“NTA.”
“You address bigotry by setting boundaries and consequences.”
“Your home.”
“Your rules.”
“Good job addressing it properly.”
“You heard about it.”
“You confirmed it to be fact.”
“You enforced the consequences.”
“Not surprised his parents were ok with it.”
“You know who he learned it from.”- allergymom74
“NTA.”
“I don’t tolerate racism in my home, and neither should you.”- expanding_crystal
“NTA.”
“You would be one if you hadn’t kicked them/him out.”
“Nothing to discuss here from my perspective.”- Eyjin
“NTA, of course.”
“Don’t ever be ashamed to stand up to racism.”
“At least we know where Greg gets it from.”
“You have my full permission to ignore Greg and his parents for as long as you like.”- ivylass
“NTA, absolutely NTA.”
“You did the right thing, it is truly horrible that some people feel it’s okay to be racist a**holes and justify it like it’s nothing.”
“It’s good you stuck up for her.”
“Would suggest keeping away from such family members.”- Oolongslayer24
“NTA.”
“You address bigotry by setting boundaries and consequences.”
“Your home.”
“Your rules.”
“Good job addressing it properly.”
“You heard about it.”
“You confirmed it to be a fact.”
“You enforced the consequences.”
“Not surprised his parents were ok with it.”
“You know who he learned it from.”- allergymom74
“NTA.”
“You can never make too big a deal out of racism.”
“It’s telling that his parents don’t think much of it – are they racist too?”
“Well done for standing up to them and showing Monique that you don’t share their beliefs and have her back.”- MaidInWales
“NTA.”
“They would all be permanently disinvited.”
“They may always be relatives, but they are no longer family.”- findin_fun_4_us
“NTA.”
“He was being ugly and gross.”- chilltownchick
“NTA.”
“You did the right thing.”- RealLuxTempo
“NTA.”
“Good on you, you put your money where your mouth is and told your family that you won’t stand for racism in your home.”
“If you think that this young lady could become your daughter-in-law in the future, then you just showed her that she’ll be safe in your home, a great way to start a relationship.”
“And if she and your son eventually do go their own ways, you’ve shown your son that you’ll support him in his choice of partners, which is great for your relationship with him.”
“Pat yourself on the back for kicking the racist out of your home and tell his parents that they can pound sand.”- FrostedMapleMoose
“NTA.”
“It sounds like you didn’t make a huge scene, you just defended your family and defined your boundaries.”- Soap_on_a_potato
“NTA I can see why he says what he said.”
“You did him a favor op and don’t invite him back till he apologizes.”
“How does someone become an incel so young?”- Appropriate-Mall8517
“NTA.”
“You stood up for your son and your values.”
“You didn’t try to change the way they think about things; they just can’t be in your house openly disrespecting your son’s girlfriend.”
“Regardless of the obvious racism, this is unacceptable.”- Aromatic_Sir_5445
“NTA respond back Racists have no place in my home.”
“Raise your son to be a decent human being.”- FairyFartDaydreams
“NTA!”
“You showed Monique and your son that you and your wife have their back.”
“Actions always speak louder than words.”
“Keep showing them (Jake and Monique) that you stand with them.”
“Tell Greg’s parents that they should have taught their son better!”- Aggressive_Purple114
“NTA.”
“In a tolerant society, we do not tolerate intolerance.”
“No place for racism anywhere.”- tango421
“NTA for throwing your nephew out – it was the right thing to do.”
“But you may be guilty of racial bias yourself, as your (incorrect) comments here about her name demonstrate.”
“I would suggest asking your son if you’ve said or done anything a little ‘off’.”
“Explain that you want Monique to always feel comfortable and welcome in your home, and you realize you may have language or habits from your upbringing that are biased even if you don’t realize it.”
“Give him explicit permission to help educate you.”
“That will make you an even better ally to Monique and to other minorities you may encounter.”- pupperoni42
“The parents are probably where he is learning some of this from.”
“NTA.”- SilentSeeer
“NTA.”
“You set boundaries, kudos to you.”
“You defended your real family.”
“Those relatives shouldn’t be called family.”
“Good on you kicking him out.”- myst3ryAURORA_green
“NTA.”
“You handled that unacceptable behavior perfectly.”
“No notes.”- eatencrow
“NTA.”
” Ask these racists what part of what you nephew said was blown out of proportion, so you’re aware for next time.”
“Was it the slumming, the name-calling, the belittling?”
“Tell me exactly which part was acceptable, and I’ll agree to being sensitive or overreacting.”- Mykona-1967
There is a firm difference between a difference of opinion and pure hatred.
The behavior displayed by the OP’s nephew was very much hatred, which should never be tolerated.