Redditor ExpensiveStretch9345 recently had a run-in with his aunt regarding his cousin and his new car.
The Original Poster (OP) refused to let his aunt's disabled son ride in his brand new Mustang.
When the OP's aunt kept pressing the issue he bluntly explained why, further upsetting her.
The OP eventually turned to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA).
He asked:
"AITA for bluntly telling someone why their disabled son isn't allowed in my muscle car?"
He went on to explain.
"I [26-year-old male] work full-time as a driving instructor. Due to the location of my school, the bulk of the people I work with are from a rehab center next door."
"This has sadly led to my current situation with my aunt over her disabled son [14-year-old male] who attends a day program they host."
"It started a month ago when I picked up the Mustang I had pre-ordered through a dealership. Upon seeing it she began to ask if I could take her son for a ride in it."
"No matter how many times I would tell her no she refused to accept it and would try to guilt trip me."
"Things peaked this week when I bluntly told her that I work fifty hours a week and don't have time for her sh*t."
"When she kept pushing things I snapped and told her that her son is the last person I want near my car. I then went on to tell her all the reasons why he would never be allowed to ride in my car." "
"These reasons are that he can't control his bladder/bowels and that his stimming may break things."
"When I told her of this it only made things worse as she only got more upset and pushy with me. I wound up having no choice but to cut contact with her however it only made things worse."
"I now have several other family members from her side coming after me over all of this. I do not believe that I am the a**hole here however I would like an outside opinion."
"AITA?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"NTA her son is not 'owed' a ride in your new car."
"'No matter how many times I would tell her no she refused to accept it and would try to guilt trip me.'"
"Sometimes people are just really dense and push and push and push until being overly direct and blunt just bubbles out."
"I'm also guessing that if her son damaged something she would also be the type to make excuses and not want to pay to have it fixed. Please stand firm on this."
"You have every right to want to protect an expensive item from getting damaged by a child who you don't trust to not damage it. That's reasonable."
"One additional thought. Maybe you should have told her yes as long as she was willing to put a $2000 deposit down first to cover any potential damages."
"My guess is that would have shut her up quickly. We both know that she is well aware how capable he is of damaging things but will willingly minimize it when it doesn't belong to her." - _gadget_girl
"Info: Does this kid have some kind of huge, violent flailing as a stim? I'm really baffled as to how his stimming would break something in the car."
"Edit: NTA. That sort of violent action isn't easy to accommodate. I'm not used to seeing that sort of thing referred to as stimming, which is why I asked."
"It's more commonly called self-harm (for the head banging) or destructive behavior (for the kicking). Stimming is usually things like hand flapping, echolalia, rubbing interesting/enjoyable textures, etc."
"Driving someone, especially an older kid or adult, with those behaviors when you're not accustomed to them could be dangerous in and of itself…"
…distraction of the driver, risk of injury, maybe actually making contact with the driver or the gear shifter, etc."
"It's less dangerous with smaller kids who have smaller bodies and are in car seats, because the area they can affect is smaller, especially with more restrictive/enclosing car seats."
"But you still have the risk of driver distraction." - KaliTheBlaze
"NTA"
"If he can't control his bladder/bowels and he makes uncontrollable/sudden movements, I can't imagine a sports car is comfortable for him to be in either."
"And you shouldn't have to accept the risk of p*ss and sh*t in your car."
"He might be very excited or even stressed out in your new car so who knows, the risk of him having an accident might be higher."
"And in a car you can't just get up from the seat to go to a toilet or a changing facility, you might be miles away from a place where he could get changed."
"NTA. Unfortunately, an expensive sports car is not a suitable environment for your cousin." - almalauha
"NTA + what the hell is up with these AH voters being suddenly okay with trampling over someone's 'No'?"
"After being told politely no several times?"
"Here's an INFO for the thread: How many times do you need to tell someone NO before they get the hint? Once? Ten? A hundred?"
"TIL No means, 'Pester the f*ck out of me until I concede.' 🙄🙄🙄" - Uppity-Eldian
"To all those that say use pads under the child. I am the sole caregiver for my elderly mother. Padded underwear and pads on the seat are not 100% protection."
"After taking my mom to urgent care, I spent a few hours getting my car cleaned out and it took a long time to get the smell out." - Crazybutnotlazy1983
"NTA no means no the first time. She can ask repeatedly or debate with herself all she wants, but no means no, regardless of your reason."
"Tell your family members they are welcome to drive the kid in their new car, but you already made up your mind." - thxmeatcat
"NTA. She could have accepted the 'No' at any point."
"To me it sounds like you escalated the No until you had to be a complete a**hole to get her to understand. She's more of a jerk for not listening to No the first three times."
"If he's unable to control his bowels and not wearing diapers, that's a valid concern."
"The 'stimming' I have experience with a disordered nephew that was destructive until he was past 18."
"He was diagnosed first with ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder, then at puberty with bipolar disorder."
"He's still compulsive and does things like rock himself really hard and will dent the wall with the back of the recliner."
"He's obsessive and grabbed a drill one time and drilled holes in walls for no reason other than he had anxiety and felt like it."
"He fidgets and breaks things. He can't control himself."
"No one outside his own mother and father would have taken him for a ride in a brand new vehicle because he would have pressed every button and treated everything roughly."
"Aside from knowing the above, again, it's your right to say no, and your family should understand the word the first time it's said." - entropic_apotheosis
"NTA. Your property, your rules. NO is a complete sentence."
"It is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine when someone doesn't respect the no. They keep pushing till you snap, and suddenly, you are the bad guy. A simple no would have been fine."
"My former stepbrother had issues similar to what you describe. His favorite stim was to pinch holes in things."
"Leather coat?? Pinch pinch pinch. New sofa?? Pinch pinch pinch."
"My mom got a new car. It wasn't super expensive or a luxury car, it was just a nice new car. Within 3 days, the upholstery had over 200 holes pinched into it."
"Within a month the door handles in the backsest were busted, the damage was extensive and not covered."
"You don't owe this woman or her son anything. If she wants her son to take a ride in a car like that, she can go rent one." - emptynest_nana
"I'm gonna say NTA. You tried to tell me her no, but she kept pressing the issue. This forced you to be extremely blunt with her."
"She knows her son's medical issues and still expected you to deal with it. I can almost guarantee that if he had an accident or broke something, she wouldn't pay for it."
"She would just tell you, 'oh well. You know how he is.'"
"If the family keeps bugging you, make sure they know all the facts and that if they still have a problem, they can go buy a mustang for him to ride in." - Striking_Flounder292
"NTA, my sh*tty little 07 Camry just died, but I wouldn't have taken the kid in that car, even. People saying Y T A are ignoring how dangerous it could be."
"OP said he violently stims, such as hitting his head on things and kicking. That is so dangerous in a moving vehicle."
"Fun hypothetical: he's in the back seat and kicks OP's seat, OP swerves into another car, and everyone dies. OP knew of the kid's stimming beforehand, so is OP to blame for agreeing?"
"I'm not saying that's the most likely scenario in the slightest, but it isn't out of the realm of possibility."
"And to everyone saying just to use absorbent pads? That smell won't come out. It can squish out of the pad, even if you like everything."
"That smell will not come out- not out of a sh*tty used car and not out of a mustang."
"The value of the car doesn't matter. OP drives that car to work and shouldn't have to smell sh*t and piss when he drives to and from work every day" - rash_bin_84
No means no.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.