Redditor ExpensiveStretch9345 recently had a run-in with his aunt regarding his cousin and his new car.
The Original Poster (OP) refused to let his aunt’s disabled son ride in his brand new Mustang.
When the OP’s aunt kept pressing the issue he bluntly explained why, further upsetting her.
The OP eventually turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for bluntly telling someone why their disabled son isn’t allowed in my muscle car?”
He went on to explain.
”I [26-year-old male] work full-time as a driving instructor. Due to the location of my school, the bulk of the people I work with are from a rehab center next door.”
“This has sadly led to my current situation with my aunt over her disabled son [14-year-old male] who attends a day program they host.”
“It started a month ago when I picked up the Mustang I had pre-ordered through a dealership. Upon seeing it she began to ask if I could take her son for a ride in it.”
“No matter how many times I would tell her no she refused to accept it and would try to guilt trip me.”
“Things peaked this week when I bluntly told her that I work fifty hours a week and don’t have time for her sh*t.”
“When she kept pushing things I snapped and told her that her son is the last person I want near my car. I then went on to tell her all the reasons why he would never be allowed to ride in my car.” “
“These reasons are that he can’t control his bladder/bowels and that his stimming may break things.”
“When I told her of this it only made things worse as she only got more upset and pushy with me. I wound up having no choice but to cut contact with her however it only made things worse.”
“I now have several other family members from her side coming after me over all of this. I do not believe that I am the a**hole here however I would like an outside opinion.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA her son is not ‘owed’ a ride in your new car.”
“‘No matter how many times I would tell her no she refused to accept it and would try to guilt trip me.’”
“Sometimes people are just really dense and push and push and push until being overly direct and blunt just bubbles out.”
“I’m also guessing that if her son damaged something she would also be the type to make excuses and not want to pay to have it fixed. Please stand firm on this.”
“You have every right to want to protect an expensive item from getting damaged by a child who you don’t trust to not damage it. That’s reasonable.”
“One additional thought. Maybe you should have told her yes as long as she was willing to put a $2000 deposit down first to cover any potential damages.”
“My guess is that would have shut her up quickly. We both know that she is well aware how capable he is of damaging things but will willingly minimize it when it doesn’t belong to her.” – _gadget_girl
“Info: Does this kid have some kind of huge, violent flailing as a stim? I’m really baffled as to how his stimming would break something in the car.”
“Edit: NTA. That sort of violent action isn’t easy to accommodate. I’m not used to seeing that sort of thing referred to as stimming, which is why I asked.”
“It’s more commonly called self-harm (for the head banging) or destructive behavior (for the kicking). Stimming is usually things like hand flapping, echolalia, rubbing interesting/enjoyable textures, etc.”
“Driving someone, especially an older kid or adult, with those behaviors when you’re not accustomed to them could be dangerous in and of itself…”
…distraction of the driver, risk of injury, maybe actually making contact with the driver or the gear shifter, etc.”
“It’s less dangerous with smaller kids who have smaller bodies and are in car seats, because the area they can affect is smaller, especially with more restrictive/enclosing car seats.”
“But you still have the risk of driver distraction.” – KaliTheBlaze
“NTA”
“If he can’t control his bladder/bowels and he makes uncontrollable/sudden movements, I can’t imagine a sports car is comfortable for him to be in either.”
“And you shouldn’t have to accept the risk of p*ss and sh*t in your car.”
“He might be very excited or even stressed out in your new car so who knows, the risk of him having an accident might be higher.”
“And in a car you can’t just get up from the seat to go to a toilet or a changing facility, you might be miles away from a place where he could get changed.”
“NTA. Unfortunately, an expensive sports car is not a suitable environment for your cousin.” – almalauha
“NTA + what the hell is up with these AH voters being suddenly okay with trampling over someone’s ‘No’?”
“After being told politely no several times?”
“Here’s an INFO for the thread: How many times do you need to tell someone NO before they get the hint? Once? Ten? A hundred?”
“TIL No means, ‘Pester the f*ck out of me until I concede.’ 🙄🙄🙄” – Uppity-Eldian
“To all those that say use pads under the child. I am the sole caregiver for my elderly mother. Padded underwear and pads on the seat are not 100% protection.”
“After taking my mom to urgent care, I spent a few hours getting my car cleaned out and it took a long time to get the smell out.” – Crazybutnotlazy1983
“NTA no means no the first time. She can ask repeatedly or debate with herself all she wants, but no means no, regardless of your reason.”
“Tell your family members they are welcome to drive the kid in their new car, but you already made up your mind.” – thxmeatcat
“NTA. She could have accepted the ‘No’ at any point.”
“To me it sounds like you escalated the No until you had to be a complete a**hole to get her to understand. She’s more of a jerk for not listening to No the first three times.”
“If he’s unable to control his bowels and not wearing diapers, that’s a valid concern.”
“The ‘stimming’ I have experience with a disordered nephew that was destructive until he was past 18.”
“He was diagnosed first with ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder, then at puberty with bipolar disorder.”
“He’s still compulsive and does things like rock himself really hard and will dent the wall with the back of the recliner.”
“He’s obsessive and grabbed a drill one time and drilled holes in walls for no reason other than he had anxiety and felt like it.”
“He fidgets and breaks things. He can’t control himself.”
“No one outside his own mother and father would have taken him for a ride in a brand new vehicle because he would have pressed every button and treated everything roughly.”
“Aside from knowing the above, again, it’s your right to say no, and your family should understand the word the first time it’s said.” – entropic_apotheosis
“NTA. Your property, your rules. NO is a complete sentence.”
“It is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine when someone doesn’t respect the no. They keep pushing till you snap, and suddenly, you are the bad guy. A simple no would have been fine.”
“My former stepbrother had issues similar to what you describe. His favorite stim was to pinch holes in things.”
“Leather coat?? Pinch pinch pinch. New sofa?? Pinch pinch pinch.”
“My mom got a new car. It wasn’t super expensive or a luxury car, it was just a nice new car. Within 3 days, the upholstery had over 200 holes pinched into it.”
“Within a month the door handles in the backsest were busted, the damage was extensive and not covered.”
“You don’t owe this woman or her son anything. If she wants her son to take a ride in a car like that, she can go rent one.” – emptynest_nana
“I’m gonna say NTA. You tried to tell me her no, but she kept pressing the issue. This forced you to be extremely blunt with her.”
“She knows her son’s medical issues and still expected you to deal with it. I can almost guarantee that if he had an accident or broke something, she wouldn’t pay for it.”
“She would just tell you, ‘oh well. You know how he is.’”
“If the family keeps bugging you, make sure they know all the facts and that if they still have a problem, they can go buy a mustang for him to ride in.” – Striking_Flounder292
“NTA, my sh*tty little 07 Camry just died, but I wouldn’t have taken the kid in that car, even. People saying Y T A are ignoring how dangerous it could be.”
“OP said he violently stims, such as hitting his head on things and kicking. That is so dangerous in a moving vehicle.”
“Fun hypothetical: he’s in the back seat and kicks OP’s seat, OP swerves into another car, and everyone dies. OP knew of the kid’s stimming beforehand, so is OP to blame for agreeing?”
“I’m not saying that’s the most likely scenario in the slightest, but it isn’t out of the realm of possibility.”
“And to everyone saying just to use absorbent pads? That smell won’t come out. It can squish out of the pad, even if you like everything.”
“That smell will not come out- not out of a sh*tty used car and not out of a mustang.”
“The value of the car doesn’t matter. OP drives that car to work and shouldn’t have to smell sh*t and piss when he drives to and from work every day” – rash_bin_84
No means no.