“I’ll have time to sleep once the baby is born”… said no experienced parent ever.
Sleep and tranquility are the first casualties of having children.
And a lot of people learn real quick the more hands on deck the merrier.
But some parents in the relationship miss that memo.
Which can lead to some drama.
Case in point…
Redditor drpepperfangirl wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for wanting to hire a night nanny?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Two months ago, I had my son.”
“I’m a stay-at-home mom, for now, so I’m with him all day.”
“My husband is a doctor who works crazy hours.”
“He’s fried when he comes home and while he tries his best, he just doesn’t have the energy to help with the baby if he’s even home at night.”
“Sometimes he isn’t.”
“I’m getting fried, myself, though.”
“Between housework and a baby with reflux, I get maybe 12 hours a sleep a week.”
“The other day, I had a breakdown and called my mom to watch the baby as I did not trust myself in that moment.”
“She isn’t always available, though.”
“She told me I need to get some help and I found an agency to get a night nanny so I can at least sleep and be well rested in the day.”
“I talked to my husband and he feels it’s a waste of money.”
“He points out that he works all day and this is ‘my job’.”
“Eventually he agreed to pay for it but has said that other moms manage to get by.”
“AITA for wanting to hire one?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. If it’s reached a point where you don’t trust yourself for whatever reason, then you’ve hit burn out and need a break.”
“It’s actually the kindest thing you can do yourself and your child if you can afford it.”
“’Other moms get by’ is such an ignorant statement.”
“Many moms of new borns feel like they’re drowning, especially when their partners can’t or won’t step up to help.” ~ CrystalQueen3000
“Also, just because other moms ‘get by’ without help, that doesn’t mean that suffering alone is the right, or correct, or only way to be a good parent.”
“Not many people can afford a night nanny, but would absolutely leap at the chance to have one if that kind of help was accessible to them.”
Other new parents have family who help, and other parents HAVE A SPOUSE WHO HELPS!!!”
“I get that OP’s husband has a demanding job and getting as much sleep as possible when he’s home may make the difference between life and death for his patients.”
“But he doesn’t get to begrudge her needing more help at night.”
“(He’s a doctor! He KNOWS how important sleep is to mental and physical health!!) Since he’s not in a position to provide that help himself personally.”
“A well rested mom is a good mom.”
“Not every mom has that luxury, and taking advantage of the privilege doesn’t make OP a worse mom by any stretch of the imagination.”
“NTA and OP’s husband need to take some leave from work and take over all nighttime care for a few weeks before judging OP for wanting help.” ~ Kathrynlena
“NTA. Comparisons to others are not helpful.”
“Other people’s husbands can help with the night waking.”
“Other people’s babies don’t have reflux.”
“Other people may have family that can babysit during the day to allow mom to nap, and LOTS of other people are really struggling.”
“My husband learned early on it was easier to help with the night wakings than have a grumpy wife.”
“A night nanny sounds like some very well spent money… and also think about if some of the housework can wait.”
“From the blur that I remember, 8 week is about the worst time for a refluxing baby.” ~ JBG1973
“A lot of moms ignore it and wind up causing damage to the child.”
“Just because someone else didn’t ask for help doesn’t mean you can’t.”
“Anything negative about childcare is so taboo now that everyone acts like they ‘got it.'”
“Everyone could always use an extra hand especially with a baby.” ~ Adventurous-Mix-2027
“NTA. My husband was very present and supportive with our newborn daughter and I still hit a breaking point around 6 weeks.”
“I remember sobbing to him in the middle of the night that I needed HELP.”
“Get the night Nanny, rest, and be kind to yourself. Making and nourishing and new human is HARD.” ~ TheEndisFancy
“NTA. To jump on some of the above comments, not every mom has the same experience.”
“It’s not fair to say ‘other moms get by.’”
“My first kid ‘slept through the night’ from birth.”
“I put it in quotations because I was told in the hospital that 5 hour stretches is sleeping through the night for a newborn.”
“So… not REALLY sleeping through the night. I’m off track.”
“What I mean to say is, you can’t compare that type of thing.”
“My child rarely woke up more than 2-3 times a night and often only woke up once or twice a night.”
“That is a totally different experience to yours.”
“I wouldn’t be able to handle what you are without help.”
“Your ‘job’ is 24 hours a day 365 days a year… he needs to be helping more or accept that the help HE should be providing is being outsourced.” ~ LeeLoo_Potter
“NTA. ‘Other moms cope.’”
“Honestly what everyone seems to conveniently forget that historically humans never used to live in nuclear families.”
“We used to live in multigenerational households and tribes where everyone would take care of each other including babies to ensure new mothers got got breaks.”
“It is a terrible expectation and burden we place on new mothers to be perfect all round caretakers when they are in pain, exhausted and isolated.”
“You need help now. Unlike a job you can go home and get a break.”
“What break do you have from a screaming infant?” ~ Hot_Chocolate92
“NTA. Your husband saying this is your job is disgusting.”
“He wouldn’t accept his job if he had to do a full days work, then had to do a nights work every day also.”
“That is what he is asking. How rude.”
“He needs to get a reality check. Does he know what goes into caring for a newborn?” ~ TheKingpling
Raising a child is never going to be easy. And any way to lighten the load on a new parent seems warranted.
Maybe she and Dr. Hubby can read over this thread together and have an honest, calm chat.
Emotions are high for everyone after childbirth, hopefully this family can pull through.