When you send rules for dinner, they’re meant to be followed.
But you’ll always have someone who will want to bend the rules.
Or just see them merely as “suggestions.”
Which of course will then lead to problems for everyone involved.
Case in point…
Redditor restaurantdinner49 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my sister for coming to a family dinner with her baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (32 M[ale]) am engaged to Jessy (30 F[emale]).”
“We have been together for 7 years and have been trying for a baby for the past 2.”
“Originally I was planning to propose to her during a family dinner at a Michelin star restaurant.”
“So I paid for 12 people to be there; including hers and my families.”
“I made the booking nearly 10 months ago.”
“However plans have changed.”
“And instead I have proposed during one of our holidays as the time felt more right.”
“Two months before the dinner we found out that Jessy is pregnant.”
“I was beyond happy to hear that so we have decided to use the dinner to announce the pregnancy instead alongside with talking about wedding preparations.”
“The place is rather high end so it has a strict dress code and set of rules to follow.”
“Dinner was yesterday.”
“My sister Emily decided to bring my nephew Kit with her who is still breastfed and is currently teething (he is 6 months old).”
“So instead of celebrating Jessy’s pregnancy a lot of people were feeling uncomfortable due to my nephew crying nearly constantly.”
“And the owner of the restaurant at some point asked us to leave since kids were not allowed and my nephew was disturbing other guests.”
“I had no choice but to ask Emily to leave.”
“She was hesitant at first.”
“However, I had reminded her of the rules of the place.”
“And in no way, shape or form had she contacted me to ask if it would be OK to bring Kit with her.”
“She has tried to defend herself saying he is young but her boyfriend, who is also the father, could have stayed with Kit, since he finishes work at 4.”
“I have also told Emily how disappointed I was with what she did as she ruined the dinner by bringing Kit in the place not made for kids.”
“Emily didn’t like that and left.”
“The rest of the dinner went okayish but I could feel the tension.”
“Later that night my mum and my aunt (aunt wasn’t present as she lives quite far away and can’t really travel) both called me to tell that what I did was an a**hole move.”
“And Emily is now upset and I need to apologize.”
“Jessy is upset too but because she felt like everyone paid attention to Kit and were trying to calm him down, instead of congratulating us or discussing the wedding which was what the dinner was about.”
“So AITA?”
OP had more to say…
“Some people seem to miss out that the meal took place in high end restaurant that didn’t allow children under 14, and which I had also paid for.”
“The family members were sent a set of rules from the place alongside they knew there would be an announcement.”
“My future B[rother] I[n] L[aw] and my other brother also have young children which they didn’t bring and hired a babysitter/asked a friend to look after.”
“So they were aware the place doesn’t allow young children.”
Seems pretty clear everyone knew what to expect.
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“If kids aren’t allowed in the restaurant (legal? I dunno) and you told her this ahead of time, then you are NTA.” ~ columbospeugeot
“Gosh I hate people who are so obsessed about kids that they call everyone who doesn’t particularly like them or want them around a children-hater.”
“Nothing about this is discrimination.”
“It’s a fact that children make a lot of noise and are erratic, so they simply don’t fit into certain environments.”
“I think it’s great there are kids-free restaurants, spas and hotels.”
“There are also many parents who agree on this.”
“Imagine saving up to have a date night with your partner – away from your kids – just to be annoyed by screaming children in a spa or restaurant.”
“There are enough family-friendly places.” ~ justnotmything94
“Thank you!!!”
“In my opinion only mistake was not turning the sister away when she first showed up with the child.”
“Instead of letting her stay and and the child upset everyone and then be asked to leave.”
“That would have been an easier way to say ‘I sent out the rules – no children allowed. I’m sorry it’s restaurant rules.'” ~ jaded411
“This. OP is NTA for asking his sister to leave.”
“OP is T A for telling his sister she ‘ruined the dinner’ instead of taking responsibility at the start to ask her to leave.” ~ DevilSilver
“I admit to indulging in a Michelin meal once every couple of years.”
“If someone brought a child, let alone a crying baby, to one of those restaurants and interrupted my experience, I would be livid.”
“I don’t understand why some people can’t accept that certain environments are simply not appropriate for children.”
“They’re not just small adults… they are still learning and as a result can cause disruptions.” ~ RighteousTablespoon
“Me, I’m that parent.”
“I love my kids (all grown now) but, man, did I love a night out far away from kids.”
“NTA – you told her ahead of time and she didn’t ask permission.”
“I think she didn’t ask because she knew you’d say ‘no.'”
“She could have pumped a few bottles and had her boyfriend care for the child while she went out to dinner or, if that wasn’t an option, stayed home.”
“It was inappropriate to bring the child to that kind of restaurant.”
“She sounds like one of those parents who NEVER goes anywhere without her kid and expects everyone to give her a pass.”
“That’s not how life works. You did nothing wrong.” ~ bookworm1421
“Kids allowed or not.”
“You’re a massive a**hole if you take kids to a nice place designed to be an experience not designed for kids in mind.”
“You’re not only potentially making your night difficult, you’re ruining an expensive, and often rare, experience for dozens of others.”
“She was an AH the second she decided to bring a baby to a fancy dinner.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ ThatFatGuyMJL
“The mom wants her cake and eating it too.”
“She’s telling OP to apologize because she thinks what he did was an AH move.”
“But she did nothing to support the sister at the moment, like leaving herself if she thought it was wrong to kick out the sister.” ~ SparkAxolotl
“NTA I have kids. Some places are not kid friendly.”
“I don’t take my kids there.”
“If I thought there were some mitigating circumstances to consider I would contact the organiser to check.”
“For example, my best friend is getting married next year.”
“I asked if the event was child free, so I knew if I should arrange a babysitter or just to leave a little earlier because the kids would get tired before the reception was over.”
“She said it’s child free and was apologetic.”
“I reassured her it was fine and asked my dad to take the kids (he agreed). No big deal.”
“Not everything is about being a parent.”
“And having a teething baby doesn’t mean you have an excuse to force others to endure your child fussing in an adult only space.”
“I doubt she would try to take her baby clubbing with her just because she is breastfeeding.” ~ Obsidian-Winter
“NTA. Time and place.”
“High end restaurants are not for small children.”
“As a former waitress in such an establishment most staff do not appreciate it as there is a very particular ambiance.”
“If the child is still being breast fed she should have sat it out to be honest.”
“I know everyone thinks that their kids are the exception (or they themselves are) but they’re not.”
“It’s literally the same level AH move as someone bringing a screaming kid to a film.” ~Amazing_Golf9131
“NTA. You sent her the rules that children under 14 weren’t allowed.”
“She ignored those rules.”
“There are places that aren’t suited for young children, this was one of them.”
“You don’t owe her an apology, in fact she owes you one.” ~ Mishy162
“NTA It’s extremely rude to bring your child to places like that.” ~ seoullimited
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Hard choices have to be made with family.
You weren’t trying to be cruel, and you prepared everybody.
What was left to do?
Hopefully you all can move past this one day.
Good luck.