Having children looks great on paper.
But it’s far from roses and smiles 24/7.
Having a baby is stressful and often traumatic.
Life is turned upside down and sideways.
It may take more than just hard work and positivity.
Sometimes outside help is necessary.
Case in point…
Redditor timelessarsenio to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my wife because she didn’t clean the house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This situation happened last Friday but I’m still so upset about it.”
“Also I’m on my phone so the formatting may be a bit weird.”
“I 28 M[ale] and my wife 27 F[emale] have been married for 3 years now.”
“She has always been a bit messy but I’m not the cleanest person in the world so it hasn’t bothered me at all.”
“We have recently welcomed our son 5 months ago, and he is pretty easy to handle.”
“He does all the normal baby stuff but is easier to calm down; so that’s a plus.”
“However my wife has been suffering from P[ost] P[artum] D[epression] and has become very messy.”
‘When I was on paternity leave, I could help her more since she didn’t want to go to therapy.”
“And the housework and baby work has lead to me shouldering a bit more responsibility but I love my wife and kids so I don’t mind.”
“The issue is that since I was on leave I missed my turn to host our monthly get together.”
“My department does this thing where every month one of us hosts the rest as a bonding experience.”
“It is done at our respective houses where the host entertains the people, introduce their family and whatnot.”
“I was supposed to host it and I was thinking that I would reserve a spot at a restaurant instead.”
“I told my wife my plan and she insisted that I host it here.”
“She has been to these get togethers and loved them.”
“I asked her if she would be ok and she said she could handle it.”
“After I placed the preorders for food and other necessities, I sat my wife down and asked her if she could manage to keep the house clean for that day.”
“If not I would hire housekeeping to do it.”
“She said that I shouldn’t waste unnecessary money and that she would keep it clean.”
“I told her that I would leave early that day to get everything ready.”
“Come to the day of the event and I leave work early and my house is a mess.”
“Food stains on the wall, baby food in the floor and my son is crying because of a dirty diaper.”
“I was so angry.”
“I changed his diaper and found my wife upstairs lying in her bed.”
“I asked what was going on and she said that she couldn’t get out of bed.”
“The mess was too big to clean so I tried to get an RSVP at a restaurant but none of them had space for such a big gathering.”
“I had to end up canceling the event.”
“My coworkers were really understanding but it was still humiliating.”
“I told her how upset I was because I asked her to do something that she agreed on but she blamed the baby and started to cry.”
“I didn’t bother comforting her and have been sleeping on the couch since then.”
“I might be wrong because I’m angry at a woman that had PPD but she told me she was able to handle it.”
“I feel stupid for believing that.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Probably will be shot down for this but if her PPD is that bad that she’s lying in bed while her baby is covered in a shi**y nappy, she either needs serious help or someone needs to be with baby to make sure he’s clean and fed and safe.” ~ Lucky_Ad_1115
“Yeah I’m disturbed that the husband seems fixated on how ‘humiliating’ this was for HIM.”
“And just sort of glosses over with the blame brush that his wife was unable to leave the bed.”
“OP’s wife needs medical attention ASAP.”
“This isn’t going to magically fix itself and her doctors need to be looped in five minutes ago.”
“Edit: to all those who keep messaging about how she refuses therapy.”
“Holy s**t do you not get the big picture.”
“I’m not talking about seeing a counselor to talk about feelings.”
“I’m talking about her highly trained medical doctors who know what to look for in this extremely dangerous situation and how to help the entire family be gasp SAFE AND NOT DEAD OR MAIMED.” ~ Throwawaydaughter555
“This whole situation is really sad. I hope OP keeps us updated.”
“And yeah NTA for real. I’ve been there where I couldn’t get myself out of bed, but I asked for help.”
“Depression sucks hard. And I don’t have a kid thrown into the mix.” ~ Erisx13
“That’ll depend on the state (assuming OP is in the states).”
“I have no doubt that if OP reported it to their doctor that the doctor would have to do something as a mandated reporter.”
“In my state, neglect and the refusal to take care of themselves are all that’s needed for a 72 hour hold.”
“Obviously no one wants cops involved ever.”
“But a doctor may be able to convince the wife to at least start some sort of PPD treatment.” ~ lavendergaia
“The thing is though some people don’t see it.”
“It is major denial.”
“She doesn’t believe she is hurting her child.”
‘When you are in the midst of depression or PPD you don’t see it.”
“I have had both and luckily I ALWAYS tended to my children, I was actually neurotic about caring for them.”
“But I gave up on all self care, eating, cleaning.”
“I am thankful I still had the will to care for my kids but these issues are different with everyone.”
“She won’t see reason and that makes it scary.”
“I honestly don’t know what OP should do.”
“Maybe get her parents involved? His parents?” ~ izumiwrites
“OP’s wife is ALREADY a threat to herself and the baby.”
“Neglect is a threat.”
“Who knows what could have happened to that child?”
“If she won’t listen to her husband, friends, or doctor, what other option does he have?”
“He can take the baby (and maybe should).”
“But there is no telling what choices the wife will make if she feels ‘abandoned’ or that her child was taken from her.”
“PPD.org states that suicide attempts after and during pregnancy have tripled in the past decade.”
“And the most at risk time is between 9-12 months so there’s still time for it to get worse for her.” ~ lavendergaia
“But he’s NTA because she did say she would do it and he didn’t leave it all herself to do.”
“Just to keep the house clean.”
“But she does need help.” ~ stinkygremlin1
“Yeah – NTA but honestly you may have to give some tough love.”
“If she isn’t able to take care of herself she can’t take care of the baby.”
“Then you may have to say you get help or we are leaving.”
“Unless you want to just see her wither away and ruin both of you.” ~ doinggood9
OP came back with some information…
“ETA: Multiple people have been asking as to why she isn’t in therapy.”
“It’s because she doesn’t want to go.”
“She’s in denial about her condition and doesn’t think anything is wrong with her.”
“I’ve brought up therapy, different types of treatment and have even asked her best friend to talk to her for me.”
“Whenever I ask she insists that she’s ‘fine.'”
“She’s shot down the first two options and whoever I bring it up it ends in a fight.”
“When her best friend tried to help her, she fa**ked up and said that I sent her.”
“My wife exploded and cussed me out for trying to trick her.”
“My wife doesn’t do anything because I’ve been doing all the housework since she gave birth.”
“I cook, clean, sweep, do the dishes & laundry, mop etc.”
“I also take care of the kid when I come back from work.”
“I’m also the sole breadwinner.”
“I do everything because I love my wife and I want her to take a break.”
“In addition, I was the one who noticed her symptoms and came to the conclusion that she had PPD (my friend whose a therapist confirmed it).”
“My wife doesn’t believe she has it because she hasn’t gone to a therapist.”
“And thinks my friend is a bit nuts for diagnosing her without seeing her.”
“I’m getting tired. Any advice is welcomed.”
Well OP, Reddit is agreement with you.
This is going to be a difficult situation to navigate.
It sounds like you’re doing everything possible.
It’s time for some outside.
Y’all can’t go on like this.
Good luck.