Everyone is sensitive when talking about their children.
How could a parent not be?
But certain remarks leave a lot to be desired.
That’s why it’s always best to be vague… or always lead with kindness.
But kindness isn’t everyone’s first choice.
Case in point…
Redditor NinaChild wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my sister that no one cares about her child?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife, ‘Emily,’ gave birth to our lovely daughter five months ago, and she is just a joy.”
“My niece (10), ‘Sofia,’ is a pretty successful child model.”
“Since the age of 2, she’s been on billboards, commercials, clothing advertisements, etc.”
“She’s done work for many well-known brands, and her career seems to blossom.”
“My sister, ‘Nina,’ is very proud, understandably, of her daughter.”
“Every time Sofia books a gig, Nina immediately texts the entire family about her daughter.”
“She’ll ‘subtly’ brag to us about how successful her daughter is, how she’s paying for the water bill at ten years, or how Sofia is the true ‘star’ of the family.”
“It can be annoying, but it’s harmless for the most part.”
“Since Emily and I gave birth, Nina has been making passive-aggressive comments about our daughter’s looks.”
“For example, when we first shared a picture of our newborn daughter in the family group chat, Nina replied with, ‘Oh, she’s beautiful, but not as pretty as my Sofia.'”
“Or, when my mother made an offhand comment about how she already resembles my wife, Nina said, ‘Yeah, they share the same ‘unique’ features.'”
“She was not saying ‘unique’ in a kind way.”
“These are only a few examples.”
“For the most part, I’ve been able to brush these off.”
“It’s not worth something starting a big fight over.”
“Nina and Sofia came over last weekend.”
“Now, I’ve been a bit distant from Nina since I had my daughter.”
“Her comments about my daughter’s appearance and passive-aggressive digs at my wife have not sat right with me.”
“However, I thought to extend an olive branch since she really wanted to see our daughter.”
“We had a chocolate cake for dessert.”
“Sofia told us that she couldn’t eat it because her mother (Nina) said to her that chocolate and ‘refined sugars’ will give her pimples.”
“Emily reassured her that it was nothing to worry about, and Nina immediately interjected and said, ‘Oh she does! Cause look at you (Emily).'”
“I was stunned.”
“However, Emily gave me a look that told me to drop it.”
“So I did.”
“I hoped that was the only backhanded comment of the afternoon.”
“Nina spent the entire lunch talking about Sofia.”
“She kept saying that Sofia was destined to be a star from birth or that Nina was the ‘better grandchild.'”
“The entire afternoon was uncomfortable, with Nina bragging about Sofia’s accomplishment and Sofia and I awkwardly following along.”
“Emily mentioned how our daughter is beginning to sit up.”
“Nina cuts in saying how our daughter could easily book a role, but her downside is that she’s ‘just an ugly baby.'”
“When we looked at her shocked, she complained that ‘HER daughter looked much better at that age and was already primed to be a star.'”
“Maybe I was extremely sleep deprived, but I yelled at Nina that ‘I couldn’t care less about Sofia and I want to enjoy my meal in peace.'”
“Nina was offended and left in a hurry after cursing my wife and my child out.”
“Emily says that I probably shouldn’t have said that in front of Sofia.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP and everyone else involved WAS the A**hole.
“ESH. Your sister is an absolute f**king monster.”
“But saying that you couldn’t care less about your niece IN FRONT OF HER is also absolutely insane adult behavior.”
“It’s poor judgment on your part to have let this go on so far that you snapped to the point of insulting a child IN FRONT OF HER.”
“Your sister is absolutely the bigger a**hole, but that doesn’t make your behavior OK.” ~ BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
“Not only that, but she bragged about using her child to pay for her water bill.”
“Who profits off their child instead of setting up a trust for them for when they turn 18 and get to use their money that THEY earned, not the disgusting loser mother.” ~ kingkron52
“I’m not sure where OP and family live, but I’m pretty sure that it’s illegal for parents to use their child’s earnings in some places (California has such restrictions because this has been a problem with child stars).”
“The way this woman carries on, she’ll be lucky if her daughter is talking to her as an adult. I’m getting major Wil Wheaton’s parent’s vibes.”
“Definitely, ESH and OP might not want to burn this bridge in case his niece needs some help in a few years.”
“That poor kid.” ~ trewesterre
“Let’s not take away the fact that the sister is openly criticizing another child in front of her own child… what do you think the sister’s kid is taught here?”
“Not only that she is superior but that people’s (kids) worth is determined by how good/ugly someone looks and that it is okay to bully and talk down on people.”
“I do not condone what OP said in front of his niece, although I can understand the outburst.”
“OP: please sit down with your niece and apologize for your behavior.”
“And what you said (you do NOT owe your sister an apology (in my opinion).”
“But you do need to apologize to your niece and explain what happened.”
“Don’t make excuses, just explain, say that you do care about her (maybe do something fun with her, something she likes, and that is perhaps just the 2 of you), because what you said is something kids will remember!”
“And she is just ten years old.” ~ BlueberryEqual4649
“OP, you should do exactly as this comment says.”
“Nina is horrid, but her wrongs don’t extend to Sophia.”
“Like many people are pointing out, she may be a victim of being exploited for money if she is paying the bills long before she reaches working age.”
“There was absolutely a more tactful way to openly defend your wife and child, which you certainly should have done but not at Sophia’s expense.” ~ Practical_Chart798
“Insulting the child because of the mother was completely uncalled for.”
“The insult OP needed to throw was at the mother for what she’s doing to her daughter.”
“A 10-year-old afraid to have a piece of cake?”
“Bragging about her 10-year-old paying the water bill?”
“That’s her child’s money, not household income.”
“Parents pay the utilities, not their children.”
“Putting aside the way this woman insulted OP’s wife and baby, she’s just a miserable excuse for a human being who is exploiting her own offspring and probably giving her eating disorders.”
“She needs to be called out for that.”
“And God help Sofia should adolescence not be kind to her, and the gravy train comes to a screeching halt.” ~ Peep_Power_77
“Definitely speak to your niece alone.”
“Offer an apology, explain you didn’t mean no one cares about her because that’s simply NOT true.”
“You adore her and always have.”
“You were angry and you spoke without thinking. You were upset with things being said about your daughter and that you are so so sorry for how stupidly you spoke.”
“Be candid. She’s old enough to have had a fight with a friend.”
“I bet you she will understand and appreciate the olive branch.”
“She may very well also not love how her mother speaks and may know exactly why you said what you said.”
“Still, an apology is important here.”
“Everybody f**ked up in this one, but you can try to take steps to correct some parts of it.”
“P.S. Your daughter is perfect, and your sister is acting like an insecure nut job.” ~ reydolith
“Talk about projection.”
“Your sister probably has major self-esteem issues, and she’s projecting them onto her kid and probably living out her own dreams through her daughter.”
“That’s horrible and obnoxious.”
“Her comments should’ve been shut down way earlier than this and without your niece present.”
“It’s not your niece’s fault her mom’s an a** hat.”
“Agreed, ESH, except the poor kids.” ~ Regular-Confection56
“ESH. Your sister for using her daughter (who’s a child) as a bank, and you for making such a horrible comment in front of your niece.”
“It’s not her fault her mother is like this.” ~ Popular-Block-5790
“ESH. I understand you snapped after a massive amount of passive-aggressive comments, but doing it in front of Sofia was terrible.”
“I doubt you’ll really change your sister’s mind about anything, but I’m sure your niece will remember this.” ~ namesaretoohardforme
“ESH. You absolutely should not have said that in front of Sofia.”
“Her mother only cares about her looks, and you just said you don’t care about her at all.”
“Sofia is only ten, and she isn’t the one who hurt you, but you made her collateral damage in your fight with your sister.”
“Your sister is a piece of work.”
“Not only is she being cruel to everyone (you, your wife, your daughter, her daughter), but it’s messed up that your sister is spending the money that Sofia earns on the utility bills.”
“Sofia is a child.”
“It’s not the child’s responsibility to pay the parent’s bills.”
“In some places, there are even laws that require that the money earned by children in the entertainment industry has to be put into a trust until they’re 18 because so many child celebrities have grown up to realize that their parent’s spent every dime.” ~ LadySmuag
Well, OP, Reddit has a ton of issues with this situation.
There is a lot of family drama to unpack here.
Your sister definitely needs a talking-to about her abhorrent behavior.
Your niece really needs a proper chat, too, to apologize for what you said in a fit of rage.
A therapist or mediator for all could be a great idea.
Good luck.