We can all agree that the cost of living has become outrageous, especially depending on where we live and what kind of lifestyle we’d like to live.
And it can be a real pain to learn how to manage money and how to stretch a paycheck when you’re first out on your own, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor LivingWitHorse didn’t want to hear that, though, when he found out what his daughter was doing to pay her bills while in college.
But when his wife criticized him for his reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being too harsh.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to help my daughter with her car payment because she is a stripper?”
The OP was furious when he found out where his daughter was working.
“I (47 Male) have a 22-year-old daughter. She’s in college and lives on campus. I agreed to help her make car payments since she was in school.”
“I was recently informed by a young man I work with that my daughter strips at a club about 40 minutes away.”
“I confronted her on this and she said she didn’t plan to do it after she graduated, and that she needed some money.”
“I told her to work at McDonald’s then and to not use her body.”
This led to an argument.
“We got into an argument, and I asked her to quit stripping and get a decent job.”
“She refused and said stripping was easy money.”
“Basically I said there was no need for me to pay her car payment anymore since she is making money so easily.”
“She got upset and said that wasn’t fair, and that she doesn’t make enough for that.”
“I told her to figure it out.”
The family was divided on the situation.
“She told my wife about what happened, and my wife is upset by her job of choice but says it’s unfair for me to stop supporting her so suddenly over an argument.”
“I think it’s perfectly fair, it’s my money and my decision when to cut it off.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was the AH for not disclosing his conditions for payment before.
“YTA for going back on your word. You said you’d help her with her car payments. You didn’t say you’d only do so if her life choices matched your preferences.”
“You’re also teaching her a dubious lesson: that if she does what you want instead of what she wants, you’ll solve her problems for her rather than her having to solve them herself. This is an excellent way to train her to become dependent on an older, wealthier, more powerful man and sacrifice her preferences for his. That’s not a great parenting outcome.” – BigBayesian
“YTA. You should’ve asked the guy you work with what he hoped to gain by telling you this.”
“The only reason people have a stigma against stripping is because it’s where a woman is using her body however she likes, and of course, men are threatened by it because they get no say over it.”
“If there were stipulations for the car payments, you should’ve said so before starting.”
“Are you prepared to destroy your relationship with your child over this? Because it just might.”
“If you object to her working, pay her as much as she is making. If you no longer want to support her, be a model of adulthood and kindness by coming up with a plan to ease her into covering an expense that you agreed to cover.”
“And stop talking to jerks at work who want to stir up drama.” – Runfastkoala
“YTA. You’d continue the car payment if she worked at Mickey D’s, but not if she’s a stripper.”
“It’s expensive to go to college now, much more so than when you were that age. Look long and hard at why a job at McD’s is preferable to a job that pays two to five times better than that.”
“It’s your money, sure. But it’s also your relationship with your daughter. Are you willing to sacrifice that to prevent her from ‘using her body’?” – sbinjax
“Everyone with a job is selling their body! OP, YTA.” – loverlyone
“YTA. She’s doing what she has to do.”
“You may not like it, but it pays a lot better than McDonald’s for fewer hours, so she doesn’t have to run herself ragged while trying to study, work, and have a social life all at the same time.”
“Unfortunately, the minimum wage has stagnated for about two decades due to people your age and older insisting that it should remain low and that jobs like McDonald’s are ‘entry level’ jobs and should be paid poverty wages.”
“She would have to work three to five times as many hours in a much more physically demanding job to make the same money she’s making now. You’re asking for her to demote herself.”
“Like it or not, every job anyone has ever worked is selling their body and their time. How is the laborer who has a bad back by age 50 selling their body any less?”
“Also, your aid in paying her car payments wasn’t contingent on her having a specific job or staying away from a specific job, so moving the goalposts now is ridiculous.”
“Also also, I just noticed your username. Was that randomly generated, or a thinly veiled way of calling your daughter a wh*re?” – Draiel
“He doesn’t think of her as just a stripper either now. She is a wh*re to him. Check out the username. ‘Wh*re’ was probably taken so he chose ‘Horse.'”
“YTA, dude. You can do what you want with your money, but you absolutely showed your true colors. And it’s red. As in red flags for the way you treat women.” – justAlady108
Others thought the OP was NTA for upholding his personal values.
“NTA. Your daughter is an adult and is not *entitled* to anything from you at this point. Actions have consequences, she made her choice, and now she gets to deal with the consequences of that choice.”
“Loving your daughter doesn’t mean that you have to approve of everything she does, and you certainly don’t have to reward her for a behavior you don’t like. This isn’t the same as being angry at a child for something they can’t change. This is a deliberate choice on her part.”
“Now, she may do any number of things in return, like stop talking to you, throw a tantrum, or take more shifts as a stripper, but she might do that anyway.”
“It does make me wonder how she came to the conclusion that stripping is a good way to make extra money, and whether she realizes that the people there are potentially *really* dangerous. I work in the legal industry, and I know that (ignoring the cultural morality issues) the real problem with strip joints is that they are run by, and they attract, an amazing number of bottom-feeders.”
“Money launderers, drug runners and dealers, pimps, cons, gangsters of various types, and creepy guys who like to hurt women (and who frequent the clubs to look for types they like), and many of the strippers are addicts who will do more than strip if they need extra cash. Not a place full of happy, successful, or functional people despite all the flash and cash.” – NotWithoutHopeYet
“NTA. There’s sooo much human trafficking, drugs, crime, and abuse going on in strip joints. Not a safe place to work. Real life is not the ‘Pretty Woman’ movie. If she wants to make choices like that, and she is an adult, then she can pay her own car payment.” – Harp_Unstrung
“This will be a hot take, but your daughter is a grown adult and is responsible for her own finances.”
“If her career choice does not fit within the moral standards that you’ve upheld throughout her upbringing, then you are really under no obligation to continue supporting her.”
“You’ve made your position clear, and she has held her ground, so let her continue her life as she pleases.”
“I’m in no place to say whether or not there’s more to this story with regards to past decisions from you that have since led her to deem it a necessity to choose stripping as a career.”
“I’m going to assume that you are a reasonably supportive parent and this was something she just wanted to do because of ‘easy money’ and if so, my opinion stands.” – manofblack_
“I’ll go against everyone. NTA. Everyone saying she is an adult and can work where she wants. Then as an adult, she can pay for her car. I’d be upset too if my kid did that as a job.” – Penpencil1
But some were more divided on the issue and gave more complicated rating responses.
“People here probably don’t have daughters. They’re most probably teenage girls or college girls as well who don’t see how uncomfortable it is to know that your daughter is stripping in front of people.”
“Whenever I see Only Fans girls on my Instagram feed, I feel sorry for their parents and wonder if her parents knew what she was doing. And I’m only 35 (Female). I’m not like part of the older generations.”
“Just to be clear, I have nothing against strippers. I just won’t be happy to find out if my daughters ever chose that profession.”
“I don’t agree with what OP did by taking away the support because that will only push her to strip more, but I can definitely understand why he’s upset about it.” – Sanity_Quest
“You’re not cutting off the money because she makes money. You’re cutting it off because you don’t like her life choices, but why not?”
“By the way, while you do have a right to do this, she’ll probably not be as involved with you in the future for good reason. You’re treating her like a stranger now and she will be one.” – PolylingualAnilingus
“You committed to helping her with car payments without telling her that there were conditions attached, and now you’ve decided to attach conditions.”
“Of course, you’re welcome to withdraw your financial support because, as you said, it is your money. But the next logical step for her would be to earn more money in order to cover her car payment. How is she going to do that? By taking more shifts at the strip club.”
“I mean, it’s not as though you can disapprove more, so what has she got to lose by doing that?”
“Anyway, she’s 22. It’s her body. What she does with her body is actually not your business. YTA.” – WamblingWombat
“NAH, but you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. You don’t want her stripping to make money, so you punish her by taking away money, so she will have to strip more to make up that money. Good job, Dad.” – sparkyflashy
“Okay, so you cut off her car payment, and now your daughter will have to double down and take extra stripping shifts to pay for it. Cutting her off is not going to make her stop either way.”
“Not to mention that this is a quick trip to the No Contact Zone down the line if you keep up this line of thinking and manipulation. YTA, OP.” – prettyinpinkleather
While the subReddit could understand the OP’s concerns, they were much more divided on how he had handled the situation. Some agreed with him that it was his money, so he could choose how to spend it.
But others pointed out that if the OP was going to have conditions for financially supporting his daughter, he should have voiced that before making car payments, other than likely encouraging her to work more shifts at the club in order to make ends meet.