Dad Of Two Berated By Wife For 'Not Doing Enough' For Her Birthday Since Budget Is Tight

Trying to make a partner's birthday special isn't always an easy task.

When money is tight, people have to get creative.

But doing the bare minimum doesn't always go over the way it was planned.

Redditor u/FuzzyResolve490 found himself in a dilemma regarding his wife's birthday, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.

Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

He asked:

"AITAH for not doing enough on my wife’s birthday?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (40+M[ale]) thought I made it a pretty good day for my wife’s (40+F[emale]) birthday, but instead she thinks I’m the a**"

"Started with telling the two under-10-year-old kids to let her sleep in, which they did."

"They also, on their own, did a few decorations on our door."

"When we were both awake, I rolled over, put my arm around her, gave her an innocent kiss, and told her happy birthday."

"Next I made her (and everyone else) eggs, hash browns, bacon, and toast for breakfast."

"Served hers with Diet Coke (her favorite)."

"Made all this while she was taking a bath (another favorite)."

"After I cleaned the kitchen, loaded and started the dishwasher, and cleaned the front rooms."

"After that, she had a friend over with her husband and kids for several hours."

"Followed by me making her favorite meal of tri-tip, baked potato, corn on the cob, and a specific salad she requested."

"She did help make the salad, but I bought everything and got out the ingredients."

"I made the rest, then cleaned up after dinner."

"Then served homemade cake (myself and youngest two) and ice cream."

"Cleaned up again."

"Gave gifts and a card, then she went to the bedroom to call her parents."

"2.5 hours later, the kids are headed to bed; it’s a fight as always."

"She’s getting upset, so I get on the kids about it, and then she gets pissed."

"Starts yelling at me."

"She’s upset that her gifts are not put up yet, the dishwasher isn’t unloaded, and the decorations are still up."

"I take out the trash, come back in, and she continues yelling at me."

"Tells me the gifts weren’t enough; she expected gifts from the kids, feels that nobody cares about her, that she’s not appreciated, then proceeds to unload and load the dishwasher as loud as possible while simultaneously telling me to stay away from her."

"Granted, the gifts were modest."

"Popcorn is another favorite of hers, and I got her this special, Low-hull popcorn, some plantar fasciitis house slippers because she’s having foot issues, and when we find the right one on Marketplace, a console table for behind the couch."

"Girls all made handmade cards."

"Nothing rushed; they worked on them for two nights."

"We are a one-income family, and money is tight."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So, with what you know, AITAH??"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - More Information Needed

Redditors decided the OP WAS the A**hole here.

"So for her birthday you -- ** rereads post ** cooked and cleaned for your family, which is something you should already be doing?"

"None of that is special to her specifically except the slippers." ~ Scary_Sarah

"That’s how I was reading this."

"Does OP only cook and clean as a bday gift?"

"Does he not realize those are daily responsibilities he should be splitting anyway?"

"And the gifts were..."

"1) A snack food..."

"2) Slippers because she has foot issues, and...

"3) A 'We’ll get it at some point' piece of furniture."

"Of those, the furniture piece isn’t even a real gift yet, and it’s for the whole house, not just her."

"The slippers should happen anyway because of medical need, and not be given in place of a bday gift."

"And that leaves… popcorn."

"Which is just about the cheapest snack food you can buy."

"Oh, and OP didn’t even consider having the kids get her a gift."

"I can understand the wife being upset." ~ Swirlyflurry

"He's going to buy her a console table too."

"Obviously that's not a thing for the house; it's the start of the wife's console table collection."

"It's her new hobby: collecting console tables"

". She loves console tables."

"It's a big step up from the birthday vacuum cleaner and the birthday mop and bucket set from previous years." ~ Pure_Werewolf0101

"You keep talking about the cooking and cleaning as if you think those are gifts instead of regular adulting your household, if this is the case, YTA."

"Then again, if you're normally involved in adulting in your household, you just admitted that you baked your wife a cake [instead or ordering a nice one ahead of time] and gave her popcorn and old lady shoes for her birthday."

"I really hope it wasn't a milestone one." ~ arkklsy1787

"One year my husband convinced our kids I wanted an air fryer for Xmas."

"I should have been grateful since he doesn’t get me any gifts for any reason unless I hound him. "

"So far my husband thinks a blank card counts as thinking of me."

"Last year he never even acknowledged my birthday."

"He said I should have reminded him when he realized 4 days later. "

"His mom got me a card and a balloon and I don’t really even talk to her."

"This is just the tip of the iceberg with him. Wow."

"Typing this out has made me realize what an a-hole he is…" ~ Chkn_Franklin521

"YTA, i grew up in the projects in a border town."

"My dad would collect soda cans and get them recycled to get cash, and he would pick up every penny or loose change that he found in parking lots, etc."

"And he would save them for a year. He made sure my mom had a new set of earrings, a new outfit, and either some more of her favorite perfume."

"You know money's been tight, and you know when her birthday is."

"You could have saved up."

"You could have written a heartfelt letter."

"You could have had your kids make her birthday cards."

"You all could have made something to show that you love her."

"You treated her birthday horribly." ~ pellucid33

"YTA. You did the bare minimum to be honest."

"Those gifts don’t even really sound like gifts honestly."

"Doing the dishes cleaning and cooking do not count."

"The little thoughts were good though on what she liked."

"But overall this is bare minimum." ~ CalmWhenIShouldntBe

"Yeah you're kinda TA on this one."

"Even though you had good intentions."

"Letting her sleep in, having some me time, cooking for her and cleaning (but apparently not everything) are pretty standard duties as a partner."

"If those are a special birthday treat, you have bigger problems than just this day."

"Baking a cake for her is sweet, but it's also a dad activity you should be doing on a pretty regular basis."

"The gifts (popcorn and house slippers) seem pretty last minute and not that well thought trough."

"A table for behind the couch is not a birthday gift, that's a household purchase."

"You say that she had friends over instead of we: what did you do during these hours?"

"Did you take care of all the drinks and serve them cake so she could just relax?"

"I definitely think you could have done better, even with limited funds."

"But I think her outburst is not just about today."

"She could be feeling under appreciated in general."

You should really have a good conversation with her about this."

"Really listen without defending yourself." ~ Fit_Blackberry_9993

"You described a pleasant day that should also be a normal day."

"Not a once-a-year special day (or twice a year if mother's day is similar)."

"This is getting you into 'I didn't see the divorce coming' territory."

"What you described, a day when you did some minimal upkeep chores and cooked and she got to do some extremely commonplace things she enjoys, should be a normal Sunday."

"Getting her slippers because she has foot issues should be something you do as part of being a good partner."

"Same with popcorn she likes: if the only correct kind is out of your budget it doesn't need to be a regular treat, but surely this popcorn isn't so expensive you can only afford it once a year."

"My ex-husband was like this."

"He put so little effort into my happiness, and when he put in small efforts on special occasions he felt like he should be praised for it."

"The combination of not doing his share or trying to make me happy in the course of our day-to-day life, combined with thinking he was a great husband for doing slightly more on special occasions, was downright hurtful. It wasn't the only reason we divorced, but it was part of the reason. YTA." ~ whenyajustcant

"What you did for her birthday is basic parenting and some chores?"

"You got her old lady slippers and some popcorn?"

"Not even a card with a thoughtful inscription from you?"

"Even on a budget you could have let the kids pick up some cheap yet thoughtful gifts from the local dollar store like bath bombs and stuff."

"Nothing feels personal or special. YTA." ~ Puzzleheaded-Ad7606

"Why do men think doing chores is a gift to women."

"Everything you mentioned you should really already be helping with/trying to do without it being thought of as a gift or a way to treat your wife."

"Could have atleast got a babysitter and taken her out for dinner." ~ Samwiseganja92

Reddit has issues with your actions, OP.

It seems like people think you did the basics.

Couples should already split those.

You may want to do a little more next year.

Good Luck.