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Woman Loses It After Nurse Insists She’s Not ‘Technically’ Her Adopted Daughter’s Real Mother

Photo by CDC/Unsplash

Family is family.

And for many, family  has nothing to do with blood.

There are so many children in desperate need of a good home that it can come as quite a surprise when others disrespect the situation.

Case in point…

Redditor whattheactualf**k13 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for blowing up at a nurse for telling me that my daughter wasn’t my daughter?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So me and my partner adopted our daughter 2 years ago.”

“We don’t have any biological children, and we don’t really plan to just yet.”

“Our daughter is 6 years old now.”

“She does understand that she’s adopted, and we’ve made it clear time and time again that even though she didn’t come from my ‘belly’ we still love her and treat her as if she did.”

“The other day, I took her to a pediatrician because she said that one of her ears ‘felt full.'”

“She did have a cold last week so that was expected and he said that her ear would drain out eventually.”

“All good.”

“The nurse comes in with the discharge sheet, and commented that she would have never assumed that I was the mother of my daughter since I looked nothing like her.”

“Which I don’t (for obvious reasons).”

“So then I said ‘Oh yeah, we adopted her so that’s why she doesn’t look me or my husband.'”

“Then, this nurse goes ‘Oh okay so she isn’t your daughter.'”

“I was a little confused because I thought I had just explained this whole situation.”

“I said again ‘She is my daughter, we adopted her a few years back.'”

“The nurse says ‘But technically she isn’t your daughter, and her real mom is somewhere else.'”

“I was really upset because what the actual f**k.” I said again.

“But she IS my daughter and I AM her mom.”

The nurse kind of sighed and said ‘okay maybe legally you are, but her real mom is the one that gave birth to her.'”

“My daughter was looking up at me kind of confused and I can’t even imagine what was going through her head.”

“I had enough.”

“I said to this nurse ‘What the hell is wrong with you? I keep telling you that I am her mother, and you keep denying that, in front of my daughter no less.'”

“The nurse goes ‘I’m just stating a fact. Biologically she’s not yours.'”

“I went again, ‘YEAH. Because she’s ADOPTED. We ADOPTED her and gave her a home. What I have to push her out my vagina to be her mother?'”

“The nurse goes ‘Well that’s the dictionary definition of what a mom is.'”

“I had enough.”

“I told her to wash her mouth of the bulls**t she had been saying at me and my daughter and I left and went home.”

“I was really shaken up at this point and was still when we got home and my husband noticed.”

“I told him what had happened.”

“He told me that the nurse was really dumb for saying that.”

“But I shouldn’t have blown up on her like that. AITA reddit?

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“As a nurse… call the office manager and report that nurse.”

“The amount of obscenities I want to use would probably get me banned.”

“But she was beyond unprofessional for every single word of that AND she said it in front of your daughter?!”

“I guarantee that is not how we are taught in nursing school.”

“I am so angry on your behalf.”

“But please… please. Report her. NTA.”  ~ CeannCorr

“You don’t need to be a medical professional to have common decency.”

“That was so wrong and so cruel. Adoptive moms ARE real moms.”

“NTA so much, OP.”

“For one thing, she had no business making the initial comment.”

“Yes, knowing whether a child is adopted is necessary in certain situations, but that’s the long and short of it.”

“Nothing else needed.”

“This isn’t even a situation where she needs to know that – it’s just unprofessional.”

“About the actual comment…”

“It was unbelievably cruel.”

“Adoptive moms ARE real moms.”

“Being able to procreate doesn’t automatically make you a mom – anyone can get knocked up.”

“But being responsible enough to stick around AND be a loving, healthy, emotionally available parent for your kid? Much rarer.”

“Parenthood isn’t about pushing a human out of your vagina, it’s about the time, effort and love one puts into building a relationship with their kid.”

“Which it seems OP is doing excellently.”

“I can’t imagine someone saying that a kid isn’t their parents’ real child in front of that kid.”

“First off, it’s just wrong – emotionally, even legally, she is OP’s daughter.”

“(Both biology and legalities have little bearing on a person’s actual emotional relationship with their kids, but legalities affect their life more.)”

“Most importantly, can you imagine the damage that would do to the kid?”

“Hearing that you aren’t considered ‘real’ children?”

“Thinking you might not be loved and cared for as one? The nurse has no empathy.”

“The ‘dictionary definition’ thing is so weird with me.”

“There are multiple definitions of ‘mother.'”

“Giving birth is only mentioned in a few of them (bringing someone up with care – what OP is doing, essentially, is much more common) .”

“So it’s definitely not the ONLY valid definition.”

“OP technically fits the definition of a mom, and saying otherwise would be wrong.”

“Yes, the nurse can define motherhood for herself, but that’s it.”

“She doesn’t get to force her beliefs on others, especially when a) no one asked for it, and b) her definition is so narrow-minded.”

“She sure as shit doesn’t get to invalidate OP as a mom over those beliefs.”

“Also – even if that were the only valid definition of ‘mother’, does it matter?”

“It’s just a label.”

“What does matter is OP loves this child and she loves her.”

“The fact that the nurse has to resort to dictionary definitions to invalidate OP as a mother is both so appalling and embarrassing at once.”

“The nurse seems like she wouldn’t be good at her job.”

“Obviously she needs to be reported NOW, but it’s more than that.”

“Sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, being cruel towards a patient and her mom, pushing their boundaries… helping patients in pain and confused is her job.”

“How could she do it well with so little empathy?” ~ GoodGirlsGrace

“NTA, but please report this nurse.”

“It’s incredibly unprofessional, and she needs to be reprimanded.”

“Who knows what insensitive thing she’ll say to someone a lot more vulnerable?”

“She makes my blood boil, I’m so mad on your behalf.”  ~ stunted_jest

“Exactly this. Please report this person asap.”

“This condescending attitude, especially in front of your child, is completely unacceptable.”

“The doubling down with the whole definition response is what made my blood boil.”

“I would’ve told her to look up some other choice words in her little dictionary.”

“Someone that speaks to clients this way is entitled and ignorant.”

“She definitely doesn’t listen to her patients and that’s frustrating at the least and dangerous at the most.”  ~ DrPsychBCBA

“NTA. File a formal complaint, you are not at wrong she’s terrible.”

“She stood there and what is supposed to be a position of authority, dressed like a medical professional in front of your child.”

“And was just spitting out her narrow-minded idea and kept doing so.”

“I am livid for you.”  ~ JCBashBash

“NTA. Honestly, file a complaint with the facility, citing what the nurse said and how it was negatively impacting on your daughter at such a young age.”

“Undermining your place as her mother and parent, both in your eyes and in her still developing mind and worldview.”

“I myself have been a nurse for >10 years, and we receive training on diversity and inclusion as part of our holistic education.”

“The fact that this nurse is ‘just stating facts’ is quite appalling and they should never be allowed to work in a role where they have to interface with people with diverse backgrounds or life situations.”

“Hate to think how they’d try to argue with a non-binary parent/patient (but you were born a man… just stating facts).”

“This person doesn’t deserve to be a nurse.”  ~ PositiveNarwhal

“NTA and I would absolutely follow up with the pediatrician, and if that goes nowhere a complaint to the appropriate nursing board. “

“A nurse with that kind of attitude should NOT be working in a practice dedicated to childcare.”

“If she should be working *at all* in the field of nursing without a serious attitude adjustment!”  ~ throwawayanylogic

OP came back to give us an update…

“EDIT: RIP my inbox.”

“Thank you so much for everyone’s kindness and support.”

“My husband did apologize to me and he gets that I was just sticking up for our child.”


“We went to the clinic in person and filed a complaint.”

“And hopefully it will turn out in our favor, and in favor of those who don’t exactly have a so called traditional family.”

“Thanks again!”

Looks like Reddit has OP’s back.

Again… family is family.

And no one has any right to disrespect a family.

It’s especially disheartening when a situation like this arises in the medical field.

Hopefully everyone can move past this.