Growing up, our parents tend to teach us to try all foods and see for ourselves whether or not we like them.
Sometimes, this turns people into adventurous eaters, determined to try every food known to man.
Some people remain as picky eaters as they were as children, if not pickier.
Refusing even to consider eating certain foods or certain kinds of foods.
Redditor HilliamWurt was recently out eating with his girlfriend at a restaurant that served food from her culture.
Unfortunately for the original poster (OP)’s girlfriend, they didn’t serve one of her favorite dishes.
To make up for this, the OP’s girlfriend said she would make the dish for him herself.
A request the OP declined, declaring the dish sounded “icky.”
Seeing that he hurt his girlfriend’s feelings, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for expressing my disgust at a dish from my girlfriend’s culture?”
The OP explained how a popular Brazilian dish ended up causing a wedge between him and his girlfriend:
“My (27 M[ale]) girlfriend (24 F[emale]) is Brazilian, and since we got together, she’s been introducing me to her country’s cuisine, and I’ve loved everything she’s made and I’ve tried so far.”
“But last night, she took me to a Brazilian steakhouse, and at some point, she asked the waiter for a dish that they didn’t serve here but apparently is a staple in Brazilian barbecues.”
“It was only later she explained to me that she was asking for chicken hearts.”
“And because they didn’t have it she later told me she would try to find it in the Brazilian store she usually goes to and make it at home, but I told her not to bother and that I wasn’t interested in trying it.”
“She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t interested, so I told her that the whole idea of eating chicken hearts sounded a bit icky (that’s the word I remember saying; she later said I told her it was ‘disgusting’, so I can’t be sure, but the intention is the same anyway.”
“And she got really upset and told me about how eating organs is not unusual in many cultures and that even if I didn’t want to try it, framing it as disgusting was disrespectful on my part.”
“But I only said anything because she kept pushing for an explanation, so I don’t know what she expected me to do – to lie?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this situation, by declaring:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for calling chicken hearts “icky” or “disgusting.”
Some didn’t think there were any a**holes in this situation, feeling the OP shouldn’t be forced to eat something he didn’t want to, but understanding how his girlfriend’s feelings might have been hurt.
“Phrasing my man, phrasing.”
“You could have said something more neutral like ‘it’s not something I want to try; while I can see other people might enjoy it, it really doesn’t sound appealing to me.'”
“Or the like.”
“Labelling it as icky probs didn’t land well, as you can now tell.”
“NAH, maybe work on more neutral phrasing though.”- SlappySlapsticker
Others had trouble sympathizing with anyone, feeling the OP should have chosen his words more carefully, but his girlfriend shouldn’t have forced him to eat an admittedly unusual dish:
“ESH.”
“At your age, you should have the vocabulary to express that a dish isn’t to your tastes without resorting to ‘icky’ or ‘disgusting.'”
“She should have accepted your initial ‘not interested’ and not kept pushing.”
“This whole mess just turned out offal.”- StAlvis
While a few stood firmly behind the OP, pointing out that everyone is entitled to their personal taste in food, which his girlfriend should have respected:
“NTA!”
“I’m Brazilian and I love chicken hearts, my mom is also Brazilian, hates it and always tells me that they’re disgusting.”
“I honestly don’t mind, as I’ll keep eating, and that’s her opinion regarding them.”
“One thing that I’ve been practicing is to respect other people’s opinions.”
“If you’re up for it, try them one day…. It’s really good.”- ResearcherHonest5208
“As someone who travels, has lived in foreign countries, and married a foreigner.”
“NTA.”
“It’s fine to say things are disgusting, as long as you respect when they say something is disgusting.”
“My wife is Filipino, and I will fully say Balut is f*cking disgusting.”
“My MIL and my wife thought it was funny as I constantly gagged and dry heaved trying to eat it.”
“Or the god awful macaroni salad that uses condensed milk, that can die in a fire.”
“She knows I hate it, but I don’t stop her from eating them, and she doesn’t like everything I enjoy.”- Cebuanolearner
“NTA.”
“You’re allowed to have your own preferences.”- LuckyLuke1890
“NTA.”
“I myself draw a line at eating hearts.”
“And while you could have been more sensitive, you should also be able to speak freely with your partner without them taking offense.”
“You did not call her culture disgusting, you said eating chicken hearts was disgusting- and frankly, I’m with you there.”
“My husband eats many things I will openly call both disgusting and icky (rabbit, foie gras, steak tartare to name a few).”
“Likewise, there are things i like that make him gag (fried spam, lychee fruit, Portuguese cheese).”
“He won’t even say ‘I think thats disgusting’ he will declare ‘thats nasty’ before literally gagging as if i shoved some down his throat.”
“It’s not that complicated – people are weird about what they will and won’t eat – its not an attack on the other person unless the other person turns it into one.”- DenizenKay
“NTA.”
“She’s a bit too sensitive about it.”
“If someone said some food was icky from my country, I wouldn’t care in the slightest.”- BluePandaYellowPanda
“NTA.”
“I’m Scottish. my gf is Italian and makes a huge deal of how much haggis grosses her out.”
“Whilst it is my country’s national dish and integral to our culture, I totally get it ain’t for everyone, and some of the ingredients are indeed icky.”
“Folk are being too sensitive.”- MsBobbyJenkins
Then there were those who felt the OP was solely at fault, feeling he could and should have been much more careful with his choice of words:
“’Listen, babe, I’ve been loving trying foods from your culture. Brazilian food is delicious and I can’t believe I had never tried it before’.”
“But I’m going to need some time to come to terms with chicken hearts, and I honestly might never get to that place’.”
“I’m sure it’s great, but part of enjoying food is psychological and I just don’t know if I personally can get there’.”
“That’s all you had to say.”
“And if she can’t respect that then she’s the AH.”
“But as it stands now, YTA.”- DemureDamsel122
“YTA.”
“Whether you said ‘icky’ or ‘disgusting’, the message is the same.”
“You’re under no obligation to try something you strongly feel you won’t like, of course, but there are many ways to go about this – especially when there are cultural roots involved.”
“I’m not from Japan or anywhere in Asia, but I’m a big sushi fan; my boyfriend is not.”
“I’m not Japanese and have no cultural ties to sushi, but when we first had that conversation (like when I suggested we’d get some sushi), he told me he didn’t like sushi, and there were some standard follow-up questions from my part (‘have you tried it? I didn’t like at first too, some say it’s an acquired taste etc’), but he never suggested to me that he finds it disgusting.”
“Sometimes it’s just about giving it a broader explanation (i.e. ‘raw meat of any kind is not my thing’ – or, in your case, ‘trying organs is too far from my comfort zone’).”
“Even in family dinners, if I didn’t like something my mother had made, I could always go for a PB&J without expressing my subjective disgust about the dish my siblings were enjoying.”
“That’s just basic manners.”- miggovortensens
“Chicken hearts are eaten everywhere, by all cultures.”
“You can literally buy them at the store, oftentimes right next to the chicken.”
“It’s fine you don’t want to eat it.”
“It’s not for everyone, although I do recommend you at least try it.”
“My husband likes them.”
“As does my dog.”
“Soft YTA.”- Leather_Abies5946
Forcing people to eat food that doesn’t appeal to them seldom ends well.
Even if it couldn’t necessarily hurt them to try it.
However, even if it wasn’t his intention, the OP telling his girlfriend that chicken hearts were “icky” or “disgusting” could easily have been misinterpreted as a dig at her Brazilian culture.
Reminding us once again that we must be careful with the words we choose to use.