It’s tempting to go an eye-for-an-eye with someone who is determined to tear you down.
But is that the best practice? As Michelle Obama said, “when they go low, we go high.”
Though as human beings, we are likely to fall victim to an eye-for-an-eye mentality.
Redditor awfulsisteraita certainly did, as he took to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) to determine if what he did was wrong.
The aptly named Redditor asked:
“AITA for telling our family that my sister is a prostitute after she insulted my wife’s disability?”
Our original poster, or OP, met his wife when she’d already had her accident that left her paralyzed.
“So my wife is paraplegic, she was when I first met her. It’s from an accident a long time ago, but she’s adapted well to it. I love her and she’s just as ‘useful’ as someone who can walk.”
But for some reason, his sister had never liked her.
“My sister for some reason has never liked my wife. She’s always had some problem with her, whether she claims it’s attitude or something else.”
“I’ve talked to my wife about it and she doesn’t know why, and I’ve talked to my sister about it and she’s never given me a straight answer on why she doesn’t like her. I had just accepted it until now, not everybody likes everyone else, and until now my sister hadn’t said anything rude about it.”
Sis has some secrets.
“Now my sister was a prostitute in college, and she claims she’s just ‘camming’ now. She doesn’t have a job, she just does that.”
“She told me because I found out accidentally once. She made me hide it to our family and claims she has a job at a company near us.”
Then things got tense between sister and brother when sister was unhappy that brother couldn’t do something for her.
“I was talking to my sister on the phone last week because she wanted me to fix her sink or at least look at it, because her landlord wasn’t doing anything about it. I had told her I didn’t know when I could because I’ve been remodeling one of our bathrooms, which has turned into a larger project than I really bargained for (I might end up just hiring someone to do it honestly).”
“My sister then, for no reason, made a comment about my wife, she said ‘why don’t you just have her (my wife, who I had said something to) make herself useful and help, oh wait, she can’t because of her disability’ (she said this mockingly, as if being in a wheelchair isn’t a disability).”
“I had the phone on speakerphone and my wife heard. She was pretty hurt by it, and I was beyond pissed off. I yelled at her and hung up.”
After the uncalled for comment from his sister, OP turned around and got revenge.
“After consoling my wife a little bit, I decided to call our parents and tell them what my sister actually does for her job. They thanked me for telling them, and that was that.”
“Then my sister called me again and yelled at me, saying our whole family is calling her telling her to stop, and staging an intervention for her. I told her that she should have thought about that before being a b*tch to my wife and hung up.”
And now he’s feeling a little guilty.
“It’s been a few days and now I’m thinking I went a little nuclear on her. At the time I felt like yelling at her wasn’t enough, but now I think maybe yelling would have been enough. AITA?”
Redditors told OP where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Reddit agreed that while nobody was right here… they might have done the same thing themselves.
“ESH but honestly? I would have done the same and accepted my a**holery….I wish I was a better person, but I guess I’m not.”~throwawayfornow20
“NTA She’s mocking someone for something they didn’t choose, you retaliated with something she did choose.”
“Only a nasty piece of work would make comments like that so screw them.”~mekta_satak_oz
“ESH. She shouldn’t have said what she said, but it also wasn’t your place to tell your parents either.”~FlossBoss98
“Definitely ESH, however I do feel like when the sister starts throwing judgements around, when she herself is in a very judged line work, she kind of deserved it.”~Thinkin_Alexander
“I don’t blame OP. His sister is insulting his wife for a disability. Okay, yeah, it’s not the ‘mature’ thing to do but f**k it. At least his wife feels like her husband stood up for her- we’d be a lot better off with more people like OP and less people who refuse to stand up for their partners for fear of causing ‘drama.'”~sukinsyn
Some believe his retaliation was still unwarranted, however:
“Wow. ESH. Your sister is a huge a**hole for making fun of your wife’s disability. But you also had no right to out her to your parents. Camming is a job.”
“And it’s not your place to disclose that information. Your sister is a huge a**hole, but you are also a huge a**hole for getting vindictive and petty. You could have cut ties with your sister rather than outing her.”~no_objections_here
“ESH. Your sister because of the obvious, and you because it’s none of your business how your adult sister earns money. Nor is it your parents’ business.”~hockeypup
“ESH I’m sorry I know this sub will disagree with this. That is so messed up. She said such a horrible thing about your wife. However, you totally nuked your chances of a good relationship for a long time.”
“I understand how angry you must have been. I just know that destroying her relationships with the family wasn’t the best move. You could have just cut her off and not speak to her anymore.”~rahxepheon
“ESH- there was no reason for you to tell your parents what she does. You could have told your parents, ‘Sister made fun of my wife, so she’s cut off from me until she sincerely apologizes and stops being an a**hole.'”~laarg
“ESH What your sister said was nasty, without doubt. But, as someone who’s lived with invisible disabilities my entire life, I would be absolutely LIVID if my husband used that as an excuse to go tattling to his parents about her LEGITIMATE job that had NOTHING to do with what had happened.”
“Both you and your sister need to seriously grow up and act like the adults you’re supposed to be.”~WhiteMiceBableFish
While sister was definitely in the wrong, lots of Redditors agree OP made the petty, childish choice instead of the more adult one he could have easily made.
“ESH. You both suck and sound incapable of resolving your problems like adults. Your sister was wrong but that was an a**hole move and won’t sway her to do anything but lie to you and resent you in the future, which is not true problem solving.”~Heidi_Ous
“ESH except your wife. Your sister for essentially shaming your wife for her disability, you because sex work is legit work but at the same time it is not your right to out her, and your family are all because of sex work shaming.”~mschuster91
“ESH. You can really tell you and your sister are related can’t you? Absolutely cut from the same cloth. Considering your family is also now carrying on about an intervention, I’d say your whole family really sucks.”~abadfoodfriend
“ESH sex work is a valid way to make money and you are well aware of the stigma around it. This was an issue between the two of you and outing her like that is not okay, you knew damn well there would be fallout.”
“You know why your sister sucks.”~A_cooops
Two wrongs definitely don’t make a right, and pettiness solves nobody’s problems.
That being said, we are all human and liable to not make the right choices sometimes. When we mess up, Reddit will happily point that out for us.
Hopefully all guilty parties in this situation apologize and make sincere amends.