It’s a parent’s first priority to provide comfort to their children, no matter how old they get.
Be it after a hard day of school, a break-up, or being let go from their job, children will often turn to their parents for a shoulder to cry on.
Though they might not always be told exactly what they want to hear, as sometimes it’s a parent’s job to tell their children the stone-cold truth.
No matter how much it hurts.
The son of Redditor inappropriatedress77 hoped to get a little sympathy from his parents after his love life took a little turn for the worse.
The original poster (OP) felt that their son wasn’t exactly worthy of sympathy, but rather got his just desserts, and wasn’t afraid to tell him so.
Much to the shock and anger of their son and wife.
Wondering if they were being too heartless, the original poster took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole ” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my son he deserved his GF breaking up with him?”
The OP explained why he felt that his son wasn’t the one who deserved his sympathy after his recent break-up.
“So my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years.”
“She was great, a really nice girl. We all loved her and welcomed her with open arms.”
“She was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her.”
“I tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the traveling.”
“He said no.”
“And my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying.”
“I spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him.”
“She was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too.”
“Which is fair enough.”
“He said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere.”
“My son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never traveling anywhere including holidays, etc.”
“Last week, he told us she’s dumped him.”
“I went on her FB page as we’re all still friends, and she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms, and looks like she’s with a new guy already.”
“Me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son.”
“I confessed to them both that I actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it.”
“He did not treat her properly and I hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort.”
“I said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time.”
“Wife and son are very upset that I said this.”
“Very, very upset and my wife says I am being horrible.”
“I stand by what I said.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for giving his son some tough love.
Everyone agreed that the OP needed to hear everything the OP had to say, agreeing that if he didn’t, he would never learn to take responsibility for his actions, even if some understood why their wife was upset.
“NTA it’s a truth he needs to hear.”
“I’m more concerned about the reaction of your wife.”
‘Does she enable your son’s laziness?”- Jayney__
“He’s been too lazy with the relationship anyway.”
“The girl deserves someone better and your son needs to know that it takes effort to make a relationship work.”- fudgebiscuitz
“That’s the truth.”
“What age is he?”
“Definitely not the a**hole.”
“If he is this lazy and has no plans to travel, what’s his plan for leaving the house?”
“Living with parents is great to save money but he doesn’t seem the type so far to actually get up and get out eventually.”- SelfANew
‘Your son needs to learn that relationships are about give and take; he can’t do all the taking, and if you needed to be the one pointing it out, then so be it.”- vodka_philosophy
“Sounds like he needed to hear it.”- Hayroth
“I have a feeling she tried really hard to get him to work harder on the relationship while this other guy was starting to show interest.”
“Doesn’t necessarily mean she was cheating, but he could’ve helped sway her to leave your son.”
“Rightfully so, ofc.”
“Because, well, if your son wasn’t going to try, then she deserves to leave for someone who’s willing to try for her.”
“I get why your wife would be upset.”
“You mentioned he’s a mama’s boy, so ofc she’ll want to defend him to the end because she coddles him to death.”
“But tbf, your son needs a dose of reality.”
“He cants keep living in his bubble where he never does anything wrong or that he doesn’t deserve some of the things that’ll get thrown his way.”
“Your wife needs to stop the coddling.”
“Boy needs reality.”- iBeFloe
“So he’s 24 and has no plans of traveling ever.”
“That means he just expects that any holiday plans or family events revolve only around his family?”
“That’s not just lazy, that’s being terribly inconsiderate of his partner’s feelings and wants.”
“Relationships involve communication and compromise, and if he can’t do those things it’s going to be difficult for him to maintain a healthy relationship, you’re not wrong for pointing that out.”
“There’s always other dating options for him, and maybe he just needs a bit of a confidence boost or to look for a partner closer to home who has similar interests.”
“But you may also want to talk to your wife about being a helicopter parent to a 24-year-old man – he’s not going to be able to grow if she won’t let him.”- Practical_Book
“NTA but a sticky situation.”
“Your son was in the wrong and he needed to hear it.”
“BUT, because he is your son I can see why your wife would be mad at you for saying that.”
“If you said it bluntly it could sound cold and mean but if you had a nice talk with your son and communicate better it would work for telling him when he is being stupid.’
“You could start off in a supporting manner saying stuff like ‘there are other fish in the sea’ yadda yadda etc.”
“And then tell him that he could have been a better boyfriend.”- starsformylove
“You’re being a good father.”
“If more fathers told their sons when they were being a**holes the rest of humanity would greatly appreciate it.”- _Disco-Stu
“Good parenting is about making sure your kids learn and grow from their mistakes.”
“I remember with my first girlfriend, my mom got on me about things I did wrong or could do better.”
“Didn’t like being at the time, but I’m better for it now.”- bnamen732
“NTA. Poor girl.”
“Sorry to say, but your son is a douche.”- yungBerno
“Baby boy got coddled way too much by big mama.”
“The mum is an enabler and fails to see the wrongs.”
“You’re not an a**hole for wanting your kid to grow up and be a better person.”- WhipsandPetals
“You did the right thing, definitely NTA, people hear the truth sometimes but there’s a proper way to deliver the hard truth.”
“It didn’t sound like you were too harsh or unnecessarily cruel, you just delivered the truth.”-SilverShallows
“So I think I am this girl.”
“I met a guy from work and we got to talking as coworkers initially and we simply clicked, nothing happened between us whatsoever, we just had all the same interests and quirks and we surprised each other.”
“I realized we were connecting more than just friends and to a very deep level.”
“Immediately, once I realized that, after 3 days of talking to him, and reflecting on my unhappiness in my current relationship, I called it off with the guy I was seeing long distance.”
“It felt like I was settling for a man who didn’t put effort to come to see me when I constantly did for him… and he makes double my salary.”
“I had to give up traveling to see friends and organize my savings to see someone who didn’t care for my presence or effort I put into the relationship.”
“I had communicated I was unhappy with his lack of effort to be honest and it was slowly wearing down on me for the last few months.”
“I felt horrendous since I did meet his family and friends.”
“They were wonderful people and I had hopes and dreams of maybe one day living in that town to help further my career and start a life with him.”- Aurura
Very few people go through life without meeting “the one that got away.”
The sad thing is, this might not have been the case for the OP’s son had he simply been willing to set foot on an airplane.
One can only hope that he will take the OP’s advice and make an effort in his next relationship.