It can be difficult to get a moment’s peace as a new parent.
Almost any time you think you’re going to get a brief respite, you’ll likely find your child needing a bottle, needing a diaper change, or just missing you for the few minutes you’re away.
So sometimes, even just one minute of sitting down and closing your eyes is a moment of much needed relief.
Redditor FinalWintersEve noticed that their husband, however, was getting more than his fair share of quiet, alone time, resulting in the original poster (OP) constantly picking up his slack while raising their infant twins.
This led the OP to come up with a solution to making sure their duties with their children were more evenly distributed.
While the OP’s plan proved successful, it made their husband rather angry.
Worried that they had overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for turning off the wifi when my husband camps in the bathroom for extended lengths of time.”
The OP explained how they became increasingly frustrated by their husband taking a suspiciously long time in a certain room, but found a simple solution to the problem.
“My husband and I are the parents of twins who are less than a year old.”
“Anytime my husband SHOULD be doing something with the children, it’s his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn, he ALWAYS goes to the bathroom first.”
“We are both on maternity / paternity leave currently.”
“My husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal.”
“It’s a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year.”
“He is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom.”
“I did ask, the doctor didn’t say it was impossible, but highly unlikely.”
“Doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it’s not THAT bad and refuses to go in.”
‘I would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there.”
“He always takes his phone.”
“He is always watching youtube.”
“His average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter.”
“It’s the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them.”
“One of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so I can not double feed.”
“We will get up, I will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be settling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat, and then the other will cry when they don’t get to cuddle at all because I have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child.”
“Yesterday was a week and a half since I started truly keeping track, and he has only twice in 10 days not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish 80% of the childcare.”
“Today I started a new rule.”
“If he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, I flip the wifi off.”
“He has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset.”
“I feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels I am being unreasonable, and I need to make sure sleep deprivation isn’t making me an a**hole.”
“AITA for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties?”
“I have talked to him about this.”
“10 days ago we had a conversation about the situation, and he denied how long he’s been spending in the bathroom.”
“This conversation is also the one where I proposed he see a doctor.”
“Yes he has down time.”
“He spends a good deal of time working on his car and plahs diablo about 8 hours straight every day.”
“He spends most of his time on the other side of the house on his PC in his office.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for shutting off the wi-fi when her husband was taking too long in the bathroom.
Everyone agreed that the OP was right to be suspicious of what exactly her husband was getting up to in the bathroom, and turning off the wi-fi seemed like the perfect solution to get him out and help out with their children.
“NTA.”
“He got busted hiding in the bathroom to avoid parenting.”
“If turning off the wifi works, do it.”- digaf123
“NTA.”
“As a mother of twins it is hard work and he isn’t pulling his weight and you’ve just proved it.”
“Mine are now toddlers and I fully admit I go for longer wees as it’s my quiet place, but I don’t when something needs doing.”
“I’ve also fed a baby while on the toilet because I literally couldn’t hold any longer.”
“Call his bluff and tell him if he’s going to be there a while he might as well take the baby to feed and cuddle as well.”
“I would have a talk about how you feel when he leaves you to do it all.”
“Either with him or with someone else, you need to let those emotions out or they will cause resentment and damage your relationship.”- handsfull13
“NTA.”
“If this were a real medical issue, he’d make the doctor’s appointment as was his care provider’s recommendation, and losing wifi would not impact duration.”
“While this is a clever trick that’s working for now, it probably won’t last if you two don’t manage to confront the underlying issue.”
“He’s going to figure out how to pre-load content, download videos, or play offline games.”-TinyLlamasWithBooze
“NTA.”
“What the hell is wrong with him?”- KomugiSGV
“NTA.”
“If he’s really in there for bathroom reasons the wifi wouldn’t matter.”
“As a parent of twins, tell him to man up and get his a** helping out, you and those kids need him, and you’re going to go insane if you handle this alone.”
“Good luck, it does get easier!”– socalaita
“NTA.”
“However, you should have a talk with your husband about his habit.”
“Given that you turning off the wifi somehow helped him improve his condition, you could logically assume that he’s perfectly fine in this regard.”
“Talk to him about him helping out with parenting.”- ElegantAdvice
“NTA.”
‘What kind of a man f*cks around on the internet while his baby screams and cries?”
“He deserves it.”- disregardable
“NTA what the hell?”
“I will NEVER understand this mentality that so many men apparently have when it comes to splitting the load 50/50.”
“You’re married.”
“You’re partners and have children together and he needs to help.”
“You didn’t get yourself pregnant and decide to have babies on your own.”
“When my husband and I had our son via C-section, my second one, he did everything!”
“Held our newborn to my breast for two hours right after surgery while I shook like crazy and was just completely out of it.”
“He changed every diaper while in the hospital and constantly asked if I needed anything.”
“When we got home, he practically bathed me for a few weeks because I was in such severe pain that I struggled.”
“He camped out on the couch for six weeks while I slept in the recliner because I could not physically get into our bed.”
“Every time the baby woke up, he jumped up and would help me get us both settled in for feeding.”
“He’s such a blessing and every man should want to care for their wife/girlfriend and child.”
“Your husband is being lazy and quite frankly a complete a**.”
“These six weeks aren’t a vacation for him.”
“He’s off to share the workload of being a parent.”- HoneyComb18
The bathroom is sadly a rare place of quiet and privacy for new parents, and parents of young children.
Making it understandable why the OP’s husband felt the need to “camp out” there every now and again.
Hopefully it may soon dawn on him that while he’s camped out in there, the OP is left alone caring for two, likely screaming, babies all by themself.
If he doesn’t, he might be needing to find somewhere to “camp out” outside of his house.