Food restrictions have become a normal part of our lives. Many people are vegetarian, vegan, and everything in between. It is good to have options for everyone if you’re having people over, but it is not your responsibility to just assume people’s preferences and have a whole dish prepared in a matter of minutes.
A Redditor encountered this very issue with their daughter’s friend. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for not changing my dinner plan and making a vegan meal for my daughter’s friend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I have 4 kids (10F, 9M, 8F, and 7M) and I am a television writer/ producer.”
“For those who don’t know that means I work long hours. When a show is filming I work anywhere from 12-16 hours a day, it’s less during writing. My husband is a surgeon so he also works crazy hours.”
“The key to making it work with such crazy hours and so many kids is PLANNING. I could tell you what we having for lunch on a specific day in a month. It’s the only way to make it work with time and kitchen space constraints.”
“Yesterday, my 8 year old daughter asked to have two of her friends come over. I said sure and they played all day.”
“My husband got called in to the hospital so it was just me and the kids.”
“Her friends were supposed to be picked up before dinner but she comes and asks me if they could stay for dinner. Since my husband left and we’d have extra I said we were having shepherds pie and if they wanted to stay for that they’d have to call their parents, but it’s okay with me.”
One of the kids couldn’t.
“One of the kids mom wanted to talk to me. She asked what we were having for dinner.”
“I told her shepherd’s pie and a side of cantaloupe. She then told me her family is vegan. I said I understand, we’ll be eating at 6 so she can pick him up anytime before then.”
“She then got snippy with me saying I should just make a vegan recipe so I don’t exclude a little boy. I told her I have 4 children and I can’t cater to her family’s needs.”
“We had been planning on this for dinner for weeks, changing would mess up everything we had planned. Plus I had already thawed the meat and that our family shops by recipe so I don’t have anything laying around I can just whip up.”
“She said she was coming to pick up her son right then and he would never be allowed over again. I feel bad my daughter lost a friend but I don’t think I was in the wrong. What do you guys think?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. You told her what you were making for dinner. You gave her a pick up time since he couldn’t eat that due to being vegan. Her flipping out is on her. Her son will realize in time that his mom will be a source of sadness for him.” ~ Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
“The poor son. I wonder if he’ll stay vegan once he starts making his own decisions.”
“Why are so many vegans so insufferable? I see so many posts on here about accomodating vegan demands. Never see it for vegetarians or anyone else.” ~ Super_Ad5277
“Yeah why doesn’t the boys mother order him a vegan meal from a delivery service?”
“Surely to just expect at short notice a family can accept an extra guest and just expect like it’s perfectly normal for the family to have a vegan meal laying around and making it is not labour… it’s just madness.”
“I do keep some long life sachets of dahl and bombay potatoes in my pantry for situations like this (and I sometimes eat them as sides) but even still I feel that’s me going the extra mile to be a good host and I live in an area with a lot of vegans and vegetarians (thus they are friends of mine).”
“Just like I keep some GF / Vegan choc cookies as snacks (in addition to always having fruit)…” ~ TryToDoGoodTA
“Yea I’m not vegan so I don’t have any vegan foods. Maybe some French fries and some slices of bread, some canned beans and tomato soup?…idk, demanding to feed their vegan son vegan food for non vegan family is pretty much entitled a**hole move” ~ jailguard81
“More things are vegan than you think. Got any rice? Any fruits and vegetables? Bread often has butter or other byproducts in it, so I wouldn’t trust it to be vegan, but I’m sure you have plenty of other random ingredients around that would work. Fun fact – Oreos are technically vegan!”
“Edit: OP is absolutely NTA, I just thought this might be helpful info if you ever make a vegan friend. :)” ~ AislinKageno
“My brother is vegan and very insufferable.”
“My ex-SIL told us that one time her brothers trolled him because he was so insufferable. They bought every processed food they could find one day and ate it in front of him calling it by it’s most artificial ingredient.”
“Excuse me, could you pass the nitrates and red dye #5?”
“Certainly, I have a hankering for the yellow dye in that cheese food you have next to you.” ~ debbieae
“I think I’m not the insufferable type. I’ve been either vegan or vegetarian for 17 years. My 10yo daughter has been vegetarian since birth.”
“She knows we don’t judge people for what they eat. Daddy eats meat because what bothers us doesn’t bother him, and that’s ok. We plan ahead so we will have food.”
“She packs snacks or a meal depending on where she’ll be unless she’s at the house of a friend whose parent has gone out of their way to have foods available for her even though they know I will send food. Neither of us really mention it outside of playdates, and I only mention it then because I don’t want them to feel bad or unprepared if they don’t have something available for her.”
“OP is not NTA and the mom is awful and gives us normal, rational non-meat eaters a bad name.”
“And here is a good place for a favorite quote from my kiddo, then aged 5 or 6. She asked me if marshmallows were made with animals. I told her yes and she said, ‘Ok, I’m vegetarian except marshmallows’ and of course, that’s ok too.” ~ TheEndisFancy
OP added some edits.
“Edit: to everyone saying just make the kid noodles. We do not buy food we are not eating that week. I live in a city and therefore have no space and feeding 6 people requires a lot of food so we don’t have the storage space for extra food.”
“I literally do not have random food laying around.”
“Also I didn’t make the potatoes from scratch it was pre-made microwaveable mashed potatoes so I couldn’t set them aside for the kid like a few people recommended.”
Maybe get some takeout?