Traditions, both familial and cultural, are looked at with equal amounts of joy and disdain.
Some people value traditions in high regard, and couldn’t possibly imagine overlooking them, be it for a wedding, christening, or birthday celebration.
Others, however, find traditions to be more of a burden than anything else and will go to great lengths to look for ways to avoid them.
The brother of Redditor LunarTiger747 was engaged to a woman who found little to nothing to like about the culture she was marrying into and was adamant that her wedding wouldn’t include any of their traditions or customs.
Even so, the family of the original poster (OP) still planned on including one tradition until the OP convinced them not to.
Despite her earlier insistence, when the OP’s future sister-in-law (FSIL) was outraged to hear that the OP talked their parents out of following through with this one tradition, even going so far as to threaten to disinvite them and their family.
Wondering if they stuck their nose in where it didn’t belong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for talking my family out of giving my future SIL our traditional wedding gift and risk being uninvited?”
The OP explained how their FSIL wanted to have none of the traditions from her future in-law’s culture in her upcoming wedding, save for one, which the OP felt she didn’t deserve.
“My family is Asian while my FSIL is white.”
“I don’t have a problem with interracial relationships as we have several members of our extended family who married other races.”
“In fact, I’m currently in a serious relationship with a woman who is also white.”
“My GF is wonderful and loves trying new things that my culture has to offer.”
“Some things she loves, other things she likes, and she down right hates some things.”
“The main point is that she tries them whether it’s music, food, or traditions.”
“My FSIL is the complete opposite.”
“She rarely comes to family dinner because she doesn’t like the smell of our food.”
“She doesn’t join in our celebrations because it’s so different.”
“For example the lunar new year is a huge celebration for us and she calls it a fake new year we made up just to party.”
“She and my brother are having their wedding soon and surprise, she didn’t want any of our culture in it.”
“It got to the point that my parents almost refused to go.”
“We had to have a huge sit down to smooth things over and I was actually on my brother’s side even though I was also annoyed by SIL.”
“I told my parents it is their wedding and we should stay out of the planning.”
“The trouble started when my GF and I took my parents out for my mom’s birthday.”
“My GF commented on my mom’s necklace to which my mom answered that she already picked out the style for my GF’s jewelry set when we get married.”
“In our tradition, the family of the groom gifts their new DIL a necklace, earrings, and another piece of jewelry during the morning event on the wedding day.”
“This set usually cost $40-50k in my family tradition.”
“My GF was honored then asked if my mom picked out one yet for SIL since their wedding was coming out.”
“My mom said no and that she was going to meet with the jewelers soon to see what they have to offer.”
“I spoke up and asked why they’re going through with this one tradition when SIL forbade all of our other traditions.”
“I said I wasn’t chipping in and suggested gifting her a toaster.”
“Last night and my brother calls me screaming with SIL yelling in the background.”
“Apparently, our parents told them we’re not keeping the one tradition that will cost us $40-50k.”
“He called me an AH and told me that unless I (and my parents) follow through on the jewelry gift, we are uninvited.”
“AITA for following SIL lead in keeping our traditions out of their wedding?”
The OP later clarified some things about their FSIL and her relationship with their family.
“Even though FSIL is annoying and disrespectful, I don’t get racist vibes from her.”
“Trust me, I would love it if she were because that would give me more things to hold against her, but she’s not.”
“Part of our tradition is that the groom’s immediate family all chip in for the jewelry set.”
“Since all of our other siblings are either in school or just starting their careers, I’m the only one who can financially chip in.”
“I was going to cover half the cost while my parents cover the other half, which is why I thought I had a say in what we get them.”
“My GF called my FSIL gorgeous the first time they met, and she has a couple of degrees.”
“That is why my brother is with her.”
“My brother doesn’t stand up for himself much and tbh the other night, when he screamed at me was the first time in our lives that he did.”
“It shocked me.”
“We didn’t want their wedding to be completely drenched in our tradition in as much as we wanted some of our tradition mixed in.”
“We didn’t care as much for the food as we did about the part where they go from one table to another so that the guests at each table can toast the newlywed.”
“We understood that our traditional morning and lunch ceremonies, in addition to the church and reception, could be much, so we asked for just a short 1 hour morning ceremony without the traditional pomp such as the groom’s family bringing a parade of gifts, but they refused and insisted on just the church and reception.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for convincing their parents not to give their FSIL the customary jewelry.
Everyone agreed with the OP that their FSIL couldn’t have it both ways, and the fact that the only wedding tradition from her in-law’s culture that she cared about was one in which she was gifted expensive jewelry said a lot about her character.
“NTA at all!”
“Future SIL made it clear she was not interested in your traditions and culture, so why keep this one?”
“Let brother know that since she doesn’t like all the other traditions you don’t want to ‘force’ this one on her either.”
“I really wonder what your brother is thinking marrying this woman.”
“What happens when children are born?”
“Will she refuse to teach them your side of their culture?”- DontAskMeChit
“It seems to me, SIL literally hates everything about your family’s culture.”
“She makes racist comments about your holidays, refuses to come to family dinners because the food is ‘gross’, and seems to treat all of you with disrespect and disdain.”
“But she’s totally fine with your parents dropping $40-50k on jewelry for her wedding present?”
“She’s a real jerk.”
“You are NTA.”- Scrivenerofmyth
“SIL doesn’t want ANYTHING to do with your culture.”
“But when it involves MONETARY gain, all of a sudden, she’s in for THAT part alone?”
“Hell no.”
“NTA.”
“And if you’re uninvited, so be it.”- DoIwantToKnow6417
“NTA.”
“She doesn’t want any of your other traditions but she’ll happily have $40-50k worth of jewelry.”
“You know she’s selling that soon after receiving it.”- Puzzled-Smoke-6030
“She hates all your traditions – unless they’re giving her something worth large amounts of money.”
“Family is likely to cave on this, but you’re clearly NTA for honoring her previously and strongly expressed wishes to not be exposed to any traditions.”- extinct_diplodocus
“Wow.”
“Rude and racist sounds to me. She’s okay with your culture when it gives her $$$, though.”
“She’s such a gold-digger. It’s comical.”
“NTA.”- redditwinchester
“NTA, your brother needs a wake-up call.”
“Why is he marrying that woman?”
“She’s a walking (more like screaming) red flag.”- Monicawroteitbetter
“NTA.”
“It seems like your SIL and brother only want to keep this specific tradition because it’s expensive jewelry.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re mad because they wanted to sell it.”- araangelica
“NTA.”
“Expecting a 40k+ gift from a family whose culture is ‘made up’ is extremely entitled.”- Nosesrick
It would be one thing if the OP’s FSIL was trying to hold her ground against the demands of the OP”s family, as everyone should have a say in what they want their wedding to be.
However, in this particular case, it seems that the OP is instead effortfully trying to make sure none of the cultural traditions of her future in-laws.
If this is indeed how she feels, then it’s hard to think she is worthy of being gifted the customary, expensive jewelry.
As that is part of their cultural traditions that she is making every effort to avoid.