Let’s be honest, adulting is really hard sometimes. Finding ourselves, deciding what we’ll do with our lives, and still doing all the day-to-day tasks, like cooking and cleaning, it’s a lot to process.
And there always seems to be at least one person in our lives who doesn’t appreciate everything we do, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and that is disheartening.
Redditor WalkAMileI5 walked in on their husband badmouthing their cooking skills with his father, but the final straw was when he said their cooking wasn’t good enough for humans to eat.
When their husband insisted they meant this in a helpful way, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were taking it too far by not cooking for him anymore.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my husband I won’t be cooking for him anymore because of the comment he made?”
The OP’s husband was not a fan of their cooking.
“My husband doesn’t know how to cook. He also is not a fan of the food I cook from my country of origin.”
“Seeing him living off fast food motivated me to learn to cook his family’s common meals.”
“It took me a while to get it done properly but now I can cook an entire list of his favorite meals. he praises my cooking and encourages me to learn more.
But the OP just found out how much he didn’t like their cooking.
“While we were eating dinner at his parent’s house. I had to excuse myself to go wash my hands after I was done.”
“I left the table and my husband was still eating. As I was making my way back, I heard his dad tell him to take it easy, because he was eating a lot.”
“He then asked my husband if I cook for him and if he eats well at home.”
“My husband said that I do cook for him, but the food I make can only be fed to pigs, not humans.”
The OP spoke up about this comment.
“I was hurt and so offended.”
“I showed up in front of him and told him I will no longer be cooking for him after this comment.”
“He was turning in his seat as I walked right past him, took my purse, and said I was headed home.”
Their husband lashed out when he arrived home.
“He got back later, saying it wasn’t like that, and that even if it was, then I should be happy he still eats my food when it’s still ‘not perfect’ yet.”
“He said he was trying to protect my feelings, and I hurt him when I said I won’t cook anymore.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the husband’s behaviors were absolutely disgusting.
“He doesn’t cook. He doesn’t like your cultural foods. You learned his favorite meals. He never criticized them, not even constructively. Then he waits until you are out of the room to make the most disrespectful comment imaginable about your cooking, to his parents.”
“Not: ‘I don’t like her cultural dishes, and she’s still learning how to make the food I love but doesn’t always get it quite right.'”
“Not: ‘I’m a picky eater and I don’t like what she cooks even though she tries.'”
“Not: ‘She’s an amazing cook, but some of her dishes just aren’t to my taste.'”
“Not: ‘She’s trying so hard to cook exactly what I like, but it’s kinda foreign to her, but I don’t say anything because I don’t want to discourage her or be ungrateful.'”
“He said: ‘The food she makes can only be fed to pigs, not humans.'”
“His statement and behavior are gross, and mean, and he is being a very poor husband and a bad human being. He’s an uncultured, crude, boor of a man and husband.”
“NTA.” – Curious-One4595
“Yeah, it’s real f**king bold for someone to talk so much s**t with their mouth full. Your husband suuuucks. NTA.” – deathbyfartattack
“My husband finds cooking stressful and hates doing it, but he can still like… make basic meals. And does so! He manages his own breakfast and lunch and will occasionally make a simple dinner to give me a break.”
“He also 1) does the bulk of the kitchen cleanup and maintenance to make up for me doing most of the meal planning and cooking, 2) eats what I make and thanks me every time I cook, and 3) sincerely apologizes on the very rare occasion that I make something new and he super dislikes it to the point of making something else for himself (which he makes himself; I don’t make Dinner 2.0), and insists that it’s just his taste buds, not my cooking.”
“There’s no way I’d put up with this level of disrespect or feigned incompetence from my husband. He’s a grown man, not a helpless little toddler.”
“OP’s husband is lazy, rude, and mean. I wouldn’t cook for him, either.” – boudicas_shield
“Seriously! I ask my husband for constructive feedback with my cooking and it’s like pulling teeth.”
“He’s of the thought that if I’m ‘taking the time to cook us a meal so we are healthier and don’t spend as much money on takeout,’ why would he ‘tell me what I did wrong’?”
“But, even if I do mess up a recipe, he would never say that only pigs could eat it!”
“OP is SO NTA, and her husband can go live in the barn since it seems like he was raised in one.” – bopeep_24
“My husband is learning how to cook basic stuff like chicken and pasta and he gets up in the morning sometimes and makes lunch for me to work and I am so grateful. He’s come a long way from ‘You are 100% responsible for feeding me’ 10 years ago.”
“And sometimes he uses too much butter or salt or overcooked or whatever, and I’ll tell him that in a constructive way, and I always let him know how grateful I am. Having a spouse cook for you is a privilege, not a right.”
“NTA, OP. This is, in my opinion, a hill to die on. I hope OP stands their ground!” – tinaxbelcher
Others felt the husband needed to be grateful, learn to cook, or get life insurance.
“If he knows what’s so perfect for him, nothing is stopping him from giving cooking a go. And that part about OP hurting his feelings? F**k that noise. NTA.” – WithoutDennisNedry
“Tell him to keep eating fast food, but get a good insurance policy, so at least you can get something out of this marriage when he has a STEMI at 40.”
“Sorry, that was pretty mean. I got pretty salty about this, but not as salty as the fries that are going to send his blood pressure through the roof for the rest of his life.” – Sopranohh
“OP should say, “I’m sorry honey. I was just worried about your health! I realize how wrong I was now! Making you eat my bad cooking is inexcusable!'”
“Then add, ‘I think we should go get life insurance policies and make yours extra big! Make sure to stop at McDonald’s every day on the way home! Get extra fries so you don’t have to eat my pig slop cooking!'” – foxscribbles
“He’s a grown-a** man. He can cook for himself or eat fast food every day.” – Traditional-Corgi223
“I fail to even imagine an adult healthy human who cannot cook. Sure, some disorders make it nearly impossible, but there is nothing inherently challenging about cooking.”
“I am not talking cooking show level of making a palatable dish out of a weird collection of ingredients or getting a complex French dish to restaurant-quality but pasta? basic soup?”
“I am pretty sure that just about every country has a lab class as a graduation requirement. If they can follow directions and use equipment enough to pass such a class, they can cook.”
“They just prefer not to try, and that’s just lazy.” – Crazyhellga
Overwhelmed by the comments, the OP shared a brief update.
“Hi. I’m sorry I posted this and then went out. I only read a few comments and felt hesitant to respond, but now I’m overwhelmed.”
“Just wanted to let you (those of you who are interested in more details) that my husband is staying with his dad right now because I didn’t cook.”
“He said he thought I overreacted and that I wasn’t actually going to basically ‘starve’ him by going through with my ‘threat.'”
“I told him he could stay there all he can after he said he won’t be back until I go back to cooking for him, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. He can stay there, no pressure.”
Confused by their husband’s insistence that they were in the wrong for refusing to cook anymore after the things he said, the OP wondered if they were taking the issue too far. But the subReddit insisted they were in the right.
The only person being hurtful here was the husband, who wasn’t grateful to have a partner who not only did all of the cooking, but who learned how to make dishes he liked, so he didn’t have to buy fast food anymore and could lead a healthier lifestyle.