Life is made of little moments.
Waking the kids up for school, sharing a meal with the person you love, sitting with a cup of tea to watch the sunset.
So, what happens when one of those little moments doesn’t go quite the way you wanted it to?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) ItsTooColdForThat when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for wanting hot food?”
OP began with the setting.
“Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend.”
“Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad.”
“When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like ‘what, what’s the problem?'”
“I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn’t really in the mood for cold food.”
“She said we’re inside, the heat is set to 74°, and we’re both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad.”
“I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside.”
“She said that was ridiculous because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.”
“At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I’d be back in a few minutes.”
“When I came out of the kitchen with my soup, she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today).”
“I said I won’t care, and she said that was BS because it’s rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Was I the a**hole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?”
Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Commenters took issue with OP’s behavior.
“Why didn’t you make soup to go with your chicken salad?”
“Why make a face? Making a face at something is pretty f’king rude. YTA.”
“You’re not an one because you didn’t want to eat it. You’re TA because of the way you handled it.” ~ Spare-Article-396
‘“Geez babe! This looks great! That can of tomato soup we have would go great with it, I’m going to hear it up! Would you like a bowl?”’
“It’s not like OP had to cook it from scratch or have it delivered. Soup and sandwich is a pretty popular combo.” ~ PoppinBubbles578
“It doesn’t even have to be that indirect. ‘I’m going to pair some soup with this to help me warm up,’ is direct, easy, and not dismissive and thoughtless like making a face is.”
“Learn how to communicate like an adult instead of a child, OP.” ~ AccomplishedNet4235
“So much this. OP isn’t an a**hole for wanting the soup, he’s the a**hole for making it an issue instead of simply talking to his wife about adding something.” ~ notalltemplars
For some, this was a communication issue.
‘“Wow babe thank you for making dinner, however, would you mind if I made myself some soup as it’s been pretty cold all day?”’
“She’s probably less annoyed that you didn’t eat her food and more so with your reaction, although her reaction is also immature and not really communicative so ESH IMO.” ~ Eziikrum
“Hubs and I discuss dinner before it’s made. Sometimes we aren’t feeling what the other person is feeling and we just go off and make our own things. Freedom!” ~ SecretWeapon013
“My wife and I almost always eat together, but we discuss what we want to eat when we buy the food, then again before we make the food.”
“The idea that you just sit down at the table and a mystery dish appear in front of you is wild to me.” ~ Knyfe-Wrench
“I agree about the mystery dinner being super weird. I do all the cooking, and my husband and I have several conversations about the grocery list for the week. Is that not normal?!” ~ lookitsnichole
“My husband and I talk every day about what we are going to have for dinner.”
“Sometimes I cook, and sometimes he cooks.”
“Sometimes we can’t agree on what we want to eat, so I make what I want, and he makes what he wants.”
“It’s never a surprise what we are having for dinner. If I have an idea about dinner, I always run it by him to make sure it’s something he’d want too. He does the same for me.”
“I think it’s just a communication problem with OP and his girlfriend. I don’t think either of them are AHs. It seems like they both aren’t expressing themselves in the right way.” ~ SuperShinyStickers
Some comments pointed out how little this argument actually mattered.
“Lol, this is accurate.”
“To me, OP is the AH not because of the face, or how he got the soup, or even his defense of his reaction…”
“But simply because this is such a small and trivial matter in general, it clearly bothered his wife in a ‘you don’t appreciate me’ sort of way… Like my guy just take the L.”
“You got your soup… So instead of spending time wondering if you’re the a-hole go give her a hug, tell her you’re sorry for being a jerk, and go about your life.”
“There’s going to be bigger topics where you won’t agree… “
“Save your ego for those situations. It’s like relationship 101.”
“One day they’re going to be having a more serious fight, and I guarantee this soup thing will come up again and it’s going to feel like a Haymaker to OP.” ~ RiamoEquah
“Most rational response here!”
“No one is 100% correct all the time.”
“Face sometimes reacts in a way you can’t control fast enough.”
“It happens. Apologise and move on.”
“I’ve been married for 18 years.”
“Pretty sure I’ve accidentally hurt my husband’s feelings plenty of times just as he has mine. But I wouldn’t call him an a**hole neither will I call myself one.”
“It’s life.” ~ StatedBarely
Some wanted more context.
“What kind of face do you believe OP made:”
“A disgusted face, an angry face, a crestfallen face, a face that was something besides joyous?”
“How long are you imagining this face lasted?”
“Because to me, making a face could be anything from an exaggerated sneer to a brief slip of disappointment before restoring the mask.”
“I don’t know if you’re neurotypical, but maintaining a mask of the ‘acceptable’ emotions to display can be exhausting.”
“Occasionally negative emotions slip through and then many times society and neurotypical people pounce on that person for daring to not maintain their mask perfectly.”
“Add to that, people who have faced abuse where showing their true emotions is dangerous, so they’re forced to walk on eggshells constantly, which is extremely unhealthy.”
“Your entire argument is based on OP not walking delicately enough in his own home and not stuffing his own emotions down enough to protect his partner’s emotions.”
“You’re infantilizing the partner here and actively discouraging healthy communication in a relationship.” ~ Iocabus
“Well said. I have autism and ADHD.”
“I make faces, move in certain ways, and use tones of voice without realizing that others often interpret as rude, defensive, angry, etc.”
“I can’t tell you how many times I got in trouble at school for ‘using that tone’ or ‘pulling faces’ when I literally didn’t even know I’d done anything.”
“I remember when I was 13, sitting on the couch.”
“I’d just finished eating some cereal and got up to go put the bowl in the sink.”
“Both my mum and the lady we were sharing with (living in a hostel at the time) scolded me.”
“Apparently I got off the couch too quickly, and they interpreted that as me having a random tantrum for some reason.”
“It’s bloody exhausting. I can’t believe the OP has been judged an a-hole for a likely involuntary, momentary expression.” ~ Anniemaniac
In the end, the comments section was very conflicted.
“The Y-T-As are ridiculous. It’s not wrong to want something else if you aren’t in a particular mood for a dish.”
‘You should’ve asked-‘ How was OP supposed to know that their GF would make a cold dish for dinner when most people eat warm foods after doing cold activities in winter?”
“And isn’t chicken salad usually something you eat for lunch in a sandwich?”
“‘She’s not a short order cook-‘ Well then it’s a good thing that OP got HIMSELF some food and prepared it ON HIS OWN.”
“I see this exact situation on here in other posts, but instead of romantic partners it’s (step)parents vs children, and typically the (step)parents are told off for being upset that the kids don’t want to eat whatever they cooked.”
“Or if the kids are old enough, they’re told to make something themselves for dinner that they would want. So OP does exactly that, and it’s wrong??”
“He didn’t say it was disgusting, he didn’t berate her or anything, and maybe he would’ve eaten it another day but like…”
“The way you people expect humans to act and respond with perfect, planned AI-like essays in the heat of the moment at all times to avoid potentially making someone feel slightly bad is f*cking insane.” ~ ElegantVamp
The algorithm did eventually decide that YTA was the appropriate judgment here, but as you can see from the comments above the discussion was varied and vivid.
The little moments make up our lives, but they happen fast, and sometimes we react in the moment in ways that are less than ideal.
Remember that we’re all doing our best, and sometimes a little patience or communication can go a long way.