At parties, once the booze has been flowing for awhile, it's common that everything can get a little crazy.
Conversations amongst guests can become especially... eclectic.
And conversations with drunk people isn't everybody's cup of tea.
Case in point...
Redditor DrunkPhilosoph wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
"AITA for making this woman uncomfortable while drunk and refusing to apologize?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My friends and I had a small get together Friday night where we all got sloshed and played cards."
"One brought a new coworker with her."
"To be clear, everyone brought alcohol, and there was a lot of drinking."
"Most people were as tipsy as me. Some more so."
"When I have a few, I talk a lot."
"I don't really talk to anyone, I just talk."
"It's usually random theoretical questions about philosophy or something."
"Really cliche stuff."
"Like, if you go and find all the parts of the ship of Theseus and put them back together, would it be the same ship then?"
"Y'know, just overthinking stuff to the extent I've missed the original point."
"My friends will sometimes engage with me, because when they're drunk, they find it funny."
"When they get bored they just start ignoring me."
"Last night I was mostly talking about time travel."
"I mentioned the bootstrap paradox and started rambling nonsensically about ideas randomly coming into existence and then time travelers going back and putting them in the time stream."
"It didn't make sense. I was drunk."
"My friend that brought her coworker texted me this morning and asked me if I talked to her coworker at all that night."
"A little, but not really."
"Just the hi, nice to meet you, stuff."
"She said the coworker said I made her really uncomfortable and she didn't want to go to any future gatherings with me there."
"I asked what I did, exactly, that made her uncomfortable."
"My friend texted me back that she said I went on all night about crazy conspiracy theories, and it scared her."
"I told my friend that I was just talking theoretically, like I always do."
"Also, what's scary about time travel?"
"I don't get that."
"She said her coworker thinks I'm mentally unbalanced."
"She said she'd give her coworker her phone so I can call and apologize if I want to clear the air."
"I declined. I didn't do anything to her."
"If she doesn't want to go to future gatherings, that's probably for the best."
"My friend said I'm being an a**hole."
"She wants to be friends with her new coworker, and I'm making it hard."
"I understand that, but I'm not going to apologize for being a rambling drunk."
"If she feels uncomfortable around drunk people, I understand, and she shouldn't go to parties centered around drinking in the future."
"Am I off base?"
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. This kind of sounds like what a lot of people do when they're drunk or high."
"Like, was the coworker super young or sheltered or something?"
"I don't understand." ~ Aggravating_Start411
"Why on earth does your friend think this woman would want you to call her if you made her so uncomfortable in the first place?"
"If I went to a party with a friend, and my friend's friend made me uncomfortable, the LAST thing I want is a phone call from that person."
"Just a weird ask under the circumstances." ~ oliviamrow
"OP's friend is being ridiculous even if they weren't planning on handing over any phone numbers."
"'Hey (friend A)! Remember how (friend B) made you uncomfortable with all their conspiracy theory talk at that party?'"
"'Well I've got them on the phone right now so they can prove to you how totally normal they are! Hang on, handing my phone to them!'"
"I would be so mad at my friend for telling OP what I said and then putting me on the spot with them on top of having to interact with someone who'd made me uncomfortable in the first place." ~ oliviamrow
"Honestly, I don't even care about how the coworker/new friend feels."
"It's weird as hell to ask your friend to call someone and apologize to them for them not liking you."
"Really shows where that 'friend' puts OP in her life if she's demanding he apologize for being himself (in a non-racist/sexist/bigoted/otherwise offensive way) to preserve her friendship with someone else."
"OP is a weird dude in a mon-harmful way."
"There's nothing wrong with that."
"All his other friends accept that, and this friend at least pretended to accept that."
"If the friend's coworker can't accept that, she doesn't have to come to their social gatherings."
"Trying to force OP to change his non-harmful behaviors in order to make some stranger feel comfortable is an AH move on the friend's part." ~ Noodlefanboi
"OP, assuming your alcohol buzz hasn't made you forget some highly offensive ramblings, NTA."
"But your friend is an AH."
'She called you with this second-hand vague story, didn't ask for your confirmation, didn't give you the benefit of the doubt, and now wants you to apologize to a woman who somehow managed to make your dialogue all about her."
"And, even if you did act like too much of a weirdo, your friend shouldn't be demanding that you apologize."
"People apologize for hurting someone, not for being 'too far out there.'"
"I think it's your friend that owes you an apology." ~ iheartwords
"The friend sounds like she's ready to trade OP out for this girl."
"Suddenly OP should apologize for existing while drunk and be considerate of this girl who thinks she can dictate the friendships within this group."
"That just tells me that this girl is trouble and the mutual friend is too much of a fool to spot the patterns."
"This is how narcs behave, come in and start making demands and splitting up friend groups or families." ~ Academic_Snow_7680
"NTA. You're an obnoxious drunk, and this girl doesn't like being around obnoxious drunks."
"Neither of you is TA for that."
"Your friend is TA for not minding his own business and demanding an apology from you despite your not having done anything that merits one."
"Some people don't like being around drunks, and those people shouldn't go drinking."
"I don't know why your friend has to complicate the situation any more than that." ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
"This here is the best answer."
"I've been around a fair share of obnoxious drunks that other friends have brought around, and I don't expect them to apologize for being obnoxious unless they somehow were disrespectful or intentionally offensive."
"I just tell my friends that I won't go to small gatherings where the obnoxious drunks are present."
"No reason to hamper their fun, and i don't have to spend the night annoyed." ~ Chinchilladon
"I completely agree."
"When I was really young, I found obnoxious drunks to be amusing, and I even enjoyed being one myself."
"As time went on it got old, and I eventually came to find it repulsive."
"That's why I don't go to clubs anymore and why I found a wife who doesn't even drink."
"To each their own." ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
"NAH - this girl is allowed not to like you, and you can continue to be a boring and inconsiderate drunk and deal with the social consequences of that." ~ OrangeCubit
"There is a difference between 'this girl is allowed to not like you' and this girl directly calling you 'mentally unbalanced' and demanding an apology though."
"If this situation has stopped at the girl not liking OP, I think NAH is correct."
"But she escalated to insults for perceived slights at conversations not directed nor involving her, and wants an apology."
"That moves it to NTA in my opinion, the girl is being an AH." ~ Destroyer2118
"Considering some of the conversations/ comments I've had from intoxicated people, OP sounds rather fun!"
"I'd much rather have a ramble about time travel than some drunken a**hole telling me how nice my breasts are."
"I mean, they are but it's not like I'm about to pop them out on the table just because you told me so!"
"OP doesn't sound obnoxious, he sounds like he was chatting away in his own little world."
"Also no mention of rest of the group telling him to stop so he clearly wasn't bothering anyone else."
"He wasn't rude, he wasn't sexually inappropriate and he didn't infringe on her personal space or ask intrusive questions. NTA." ~ Lulubelle__007
"NTA. Most people, myself included, when under an influence ramble about any and everything. This new person sounds sheltered."
"I mean conspiracy theories really? And it all scared her?" ~ RecklessCreature
"NAH. You sound incredibly obnoxious to be around and I'd avoid you too but you didn't do anything morally wrong."
"Though I think you should accept that the problem isn't drunk people it's drunk you who, I repeat, sounds irritating as hell." ~ majere616
OP had an update...
"Apparently she didn't realize I was being theoretical and thinks I actually believe all of human history has been rewritten by time travel."
"And she thinks I talk like that all the time, not just when drunk, because she and my friend arrived halfway through the party when the drinking was already well underway, so she's never met 'sober me.'"
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Trying to remember drunken conversation is too difficult to feel guilty over.
Hopefully your friend will explain it all more thoroughly and appease her co-worker for the future.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.