Redditor Okay_Gazelle is the owner of a pet boa constrictor and is always mindful of warning houseguests about their reptilian roommate.
They were recently appointed by friends to host a July 4 party at their home since the location was convenient for unspecified reasons.
However, one person in their friend group was opposed to the party location and offered a compromise if the party were to be held at the Redditor’s home.
The Redditor thought they responded reasonably to the proposal but the reaction to the response proved otherwise.
So they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for excluding a friend from an event because she’s afraid of my pet?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have a pet boa constrictor. I know a lot of people are afraid of snakes, especially large ones, so I always warn friends before they come over.”
“Most of my friends don’t mind, a couple of them have just asked that I don’t let the snake out while they’re visiting or will stay in another room if someone wants to meet the snake.”
“My friend Cassie is so afraid that she won’t come over at all, it freaks her out just knowing that there’s a big snake in the apartment. Fair enough, I’d probably react the same way if someone had a pet tarantula.”
“The issue arose because our friend group is planning what we’re going to do for Independence Day next weekend, and a few people asked if we could have a party at my house (it’s the most convenient for various reasons).”
“I said that was fine with me. Cassie then asked if I could have someone else watch my snake for the day.”
“I told her that’s not really an option, snakes are super particular and it’s not like a dog that you can just bring to a friend’s house.”
“Cassie said that if the snake was going to be in my apartment, then she wasn’t going to be able to come to the party. I asked everyone if they were sure the party needed to be at my place, and everyone said yes.”
“So I told Cassie that I was sorry and I’d miss having her there but I understood if she didn’t want to come. She didn’t say anything to me, but she texted a couple of other members of the group complaining that I was choosing the snake over her company.”
“These friends have reached out to me asking if I’m sure I can’t do something with the snake, and telling me that Cassie’s feelings are really hurt. I’m starting to wonder if I’m a bad friend for not trying to accommodate her.”
“AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not being the a**hole here.
“NTA.”
“I would have said N A H but Cassie complained to your friends instead of asking them to move the party.”
“I have a rabbit and the only thing that would get me to move him from his home is his safety.”
“Your friends should offer another home to host instead of putting pressure on you to do something that isn’t best for your pet. You’re responsible for your snake and are doing the right thing.” – winsomebunny
“Also the owner of a bun (and a couple of other animals). Animals are harder to move than you think, and it would be pretty disorienting. Especially in the case of a snake, and I’m not expert, but I think that would be pretty hard to move.” – TheForkWitchandWorm
“On top of the fact other ppl may have their own plans/parties. There may be fireworks. I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and guess that the fact Cassie won’t go to OP’s house is why it was so popular. They don’t really want her there.” – Rottsnottots
“Yes, he is taking care of his dependent, snek, and she, who is not a dependent, needs to put some big girl panties on. I smelling a drama here, the look at little me kind. Acting all high school.”
“OP, you’ve got your priorities sorted. And you’re awfully understanding of these weevils. NTA.” – islandlalala
“The snake cannot be moved, doing so would only be stressful to the snake. You know big a boas enclosure is?”
“In order to move it the boa would have to spend the whole day in a plastic container where they cannot stretch out or move comfortably at all. They can simply have the party elsewhere. NTA.” – dinkydish
“NTA. You have a snake and it need a very particular environment there is no way you can just move it. If everyone is giving you trouble then I would the text a group text with.”
“‘Due to Cassie and her fears of snakes we can not have it at my place. Please inform me of where else we will meet’” – MacaroonHead5187
“That was my thought. Different snakes need very particular environments. There is no way I could have someone else watch my snakes for the day randomly! And I wouldn’t want to. This is their home!”
“Their cages are built into the furniture here that was custom made by my partner to be the proper environment for them (heat, moisture, etc). I can’t just be like ‘hey hold my snakes for the day in a random cage where they won’t be properly cared for and safe.’”
“Edit: definitely NTA” – the_red_beast
“I think people don’t always understand how particular snakes are about their environment.”
“They need to be at a specific temperature (often specific varying temperatures across the enclosure) with a specific humidity, and a specific uv level, and every species has its own requirements for these factors.”
“It’s possible to move a snake to a different location. It’s just stressful for the snake when it’s unnecessary.” – LazuliArtz
“This is immediately what I thought about when they are asking OP- do they know how much sh*t you need so a snake is happy and healthy?Lamps, heaters, thermometers, humidity stuff… and a glass case. Who’s gonna help op move this stuff? I bet no one.”
“OP should just say there is too much sh*t and delicate expensive stuff to move their pet for one event. It’s OPs home and their pet stays there. It’s not their job to coddle someone else’s issues and make an unreasonable request.”
“A snake is a pain in tbe a** to move and stressful. A dog literally jumps out the door for you to go on adventures. All pets don’t act the same ppl.”
“Edit: English is hard. And NTA.” – normalperson28474
“NTA. Your snake lives there, your friends do not.”
“If you friends want to be at your house, and have a party there, they have to be considerate of the people/animals that live there.”
“I’m sorry for your friends phobia, but she either has to see a therapist to help her try and overcome it, or accept that she will miss out on certain things because of it.” – Kindly_Reward_8537
“NTA. It is a perfectly reasonable accommodation to have the snake locked up and in a room with the door closed. If Cassie can’t deal with that then the solution is therapy, not you shipping your snake out for the day.” – poeadam
“NTA – As a snake owner I KNOW those things are a pain to get set up. They’re not like a dog that you can just drop off at someones house/doggie day care.”
“They require specialized set-ups and honestly, if Cassie can’t compromise and just avoid snake room or someone else can’t host, sorry they made the bed now they get to lay in it.”
“Also SNAKE TAX!” – SakuraKitsune4
“Right?? If someone demanded I move my snake and his 30 gallon tank with his heat lamps and mister, I’d laugh. And OP’s snake is probably much bigger than mine, since mine is only 4 and a half ish feet long and not a thick boy.”
“So I can only imagine how massive and heavy and difficult to move OP’s tank is. If it were me, I’d lock his cage and cover the glass with a towel or something since the room he’s in can’t be avoided in my apartment, but that’s all.”
“There are compromises that don’t involve the insane equipment hauling involved in exiling a snake from its own home for a party. NTA absolutely.” – murphyslawsuit
“NTA. The snake is your pet…and yes, I would chose my pet over just about everyone else…thems the breaks. That said, you were accommodating, you offered to have your Pet in the room away from others.”
“If she can’t compromise and accept that, that’s on her. Not you. And you went out of your way to ask the friend group about having it at another place and they all rejected it. Where is their sympathy for cassie’s feelings???”
“I see three options here.”
“Ask Cassie again if you putting the snake in a locked room will work for her and explain that there is no way the snake can get out.”
“Ask again of the friend group to have the party some where else.”
“Cancel and say nope, not going to happen since this is upsetting for everyone.”
“Edit: Remember, this is your pet snake’s house, not cassies or your friends. You do what you do to take care of your family.” – The_Fires_Of_Orc
Overall, Redditors had little sympathy for Cassie’s concern, and they thought her suggesting the OP simply have the large pet removed for the day was ludicrous.