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Redditor Pays For Cleaning Service Out Of Wife’s Budget After She Insists They Split Her Chores

Cleaner doing deep washing of a sofa with professional equipment.

When it comes to relationships, money and finances can be at the root of all discontent.

It’s one of those conversations to have sooner than later.

Especially if one partner makes more or all of the money.

Redditor Senior-Attorney8542 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for hiring a cleaning service and paying for it out of my wife’s budget?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My wife is a S[tay]-A[t]-H[ome]-M[om].”

“We have two children. 10/12.”

“I pay all the bills, put money aside for the kid’s education, emergencies, savings, vacations, retirement, etc.”

“Then whatever is left I split 50/50 with my wife.”

“Recently she has decided that I do not do enough around the house so she wants me to start doing more chores.”

“I asked if we were going to split up all the chores again.”

“What I mean is the kids have their chores, she has hers, and I have mine.”

“So if she wants me to do more I want mine redistributed as well.”

“I think she can mow the lawn and do the yardwork and house maintenance.”

“This is not what she wants.”

“She wants me to take on more of the chores we agreed would be hers.”

“On top of earning all the money, and all the chores I currently have.”

“I asked her what she wanted me to do.”

“She gave me a list.”

“I hired a cleaning service and paid for it out of our budget before splitting the fun money.”

“Now she says that I’m an a**hole and being financially abusive.”

“I think it’s a fair compromise.”

The OP was left to wonder:


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP and everyone involved WAS the A**hole.

“I think it’s a fair compromise.”

“A ‘compromise’ is an agreement made between both sides.”

“From the description, it sounds like you did this unilaterally and are now dealing with the fallout.”

“ESH, because even if her request was unreasonable, relationships don’t survive unilateral decision-making and failures to communicate.” ~ nosecohn

“This is the most reasonable answer and a viewpoint that is often sorely lacking when discussing marital issues online.”

“I can be technically right in my marriage till the cows come home, but I won’t have a good marriage.”

“I won’t be happy, my wife won’t be happy.”

“I doubt very much we would have made it for as long as we have.”

“Even if the OP is technically right (and as was pointed out above, I would dispute that because he made a unilateral decision), this seems like it’s leading straight for marriage counseling, at best.” ~ Lulu_42

“Except it seems she wants him to do more so she can do less.”

“OP works, does the yard work, mowing, and house maintenance she is a SAHM to 2 pre-teens.”

“OP, his wife, and kids do all of the chores they do and she’s reneging on the agreement they already have in place.”

“She had a list of her chores that she wanted him to do but he didn’t get to give her a list of his chores that he’d like her to do.”

“There was no room for negotiation, it was strictly what she wanted.”

“I don’t think him hiring someone to do those chores without discussing it was the right thing to do either because again there was no negotiating.”

“Either this couple doesn’t know how to communicate or they are both digging their heels in and of course, there is the likelihood that his only chores are yard care and home maintenance which may be relatively minimal and she does everything else and doesn’t get time off to just relax as he does.”

“I often wish I could hear both sides of the issue instead of just one side.” ~ GrammaBear707

“’Working hard all day parenting’ the kids are 10 and 12.”

“Not 1 and 3.”

“I realize they are on summer break now but during the year they are in school all day.”

“Even with being on summer break, they aren’t babies.”

“They don’t need 24/7 monitoring and assistance.”

“OP has chores and the kids also have their own chores so it’s not like she is constantly cleaning up after them.”

“Mom is a STAHM but is only doing a fraction of the housework.”

“OP is working full time AND doing some housework.”

“Something’s not adding up.” ~ mmwhatchasaiyan

“He could have told her about his proposed solution in advance and dealt with any resulting pushback before hiring the service.”

“That way, he and his wife could have either arrived at a real ‘compromise,’ or at the very least, she would have known how he intended to handle an issue related to the home they share.”

“Again, I’m not saying her request was reasonable.”

“The way OP describes the situation, it sounds like his wife really doesn’t want to carry her share of the weight in this household.”

“However, taking unilateral actions that directly affect the home and finances of one’s partner is not the path to a healthy relationship.” ~ nosecohn

“No. I think OP was perfectly right.”

“Remember, by having to pay an outside service not only was her fun money amount reduced but so was his.”

“She sounds spoiled and a lazy a**.”

“Her kids are school age so she has plenty of time to get her chores done.”

“I am a single mother with no kids at home I do all the Indoor chores along with house maintenance lawn and garden plus work full time.” ~ Truth_be_best

“But the compromise and the decision were already made. she unilaterally decided that he should do more.”

“At this stage in the children’s lives she’s not really a stay-at-home mom she’s a stay-at-home wife who feels like she shouldn’t be doing the stay-at-home wife jobs.”

“Yet he should do stay-at-home wife jobs plus bring in all the income.”

“That’s also not how things work.” ~ Spiritual-Print-4879

“At that age, they are plenty able to clean up after themselves and help with chores.”

“Different era, but at 10 I was home alone most of the time.”

“My parents divorced then and my mom worked two jobs to get by.”

“I ended up with all the household chores and yard work.”

“Though that doesn’t explain why a stay-at-home mom is able to keep up with them and OP doesn’t mention anything from her point of view.” ~ kornbread435

“Honestly, there is a lot of downtime.”

“I stay home while my kid is at school.”

“This arrangement was made when she was a baby and my husband was traveling a lot for work.”

“It worked so well for us that we just kept it going after she started school.”

“I do the cleaning, cooking, shopping, running errands, pet care, driving her to activities, helping with homework after school.”

“Basically all of the stuff for the home and family so everyone can relax on evenings and weekends.”

“I’m sure it sounds like nothing compared to someone with a paid full-time job, and people who do have full-time jobs also do this stuff, but we’re very happy with our arrangement.” ~ mrsc1880

“NTA. Part of her ‘job’ (for lack of a better way to describe it) is to take care of the majority of the housework the majority of the time.”

“And I say this as a woman.” ~ dgduhon

“Oh, that’s direct!”

“Very clever and to the point with hiring a cleaning service on top to really push the message home!”

“I would never have done it though.”

“I have never found it useful to deal with one problem in a manner that created a mud splash effect to other critical family matters.”

“And the family budget is a huge, impactful, critical area of life and marriage.”

“I am not at all surprised she objected.”

“You just shot a cannonball directly over the bow.”

“You went chores ——> budget.”

“You also basically rubbed her nose in the fact you had the unilateral power to do so as well! Power move!”

“I guess it’s war then?”

“ESH and so very foolish.”

“Conflict management skills for the win.”

“Don’t carpet bomb across critical areas of family and marriage when trying to resolve stuff with your life partner.” ~ Something-bothersome

“I had no intention of framing it that way.”

My point was he dealt with his problem by infecting another area of his life.”

“He would have been much wiser dealing with the ‘chores’ issue within a containment field of ‘chores’ unless they mutually decided to introduce the budget as part of the discussion or a solution.”

“Now he is facing a disagreement on two fronts.”

“It was a big move to deal with a relatively small, common marriage topic.”

“The chores issue is as old as the hills.”

“He went big, and now it is bigger.”

“Now he has chores and ‘financial abuse’ as a discussion point to work through.”

“While chores is historically an old argument and it sounds like he was on quite stable ground with his working hours and her current responsibilities, financial management can get really tricky.”

“Particularly if you pull stunts like he did.”

“It was a clear shot over the bow.”

“I really think it was foolish.” ~ Something-bothersome

“So we have a bunch of chores that need to be done.”

“She doesn’t want to do them.”

“He doesn’t want to do them either.”

“So he hires a cleaner to do the job and pays for it with 50%-50% split from his and hers fun money.”

“They both get the free time; chores are done in exchange for a bit less fun money for both.”

“She may not like it, and yes, he could have let her know in advance, but I don’t see anything unfair in it.”

“Chores are a responsibility for them both, and if they outsource help rather than doing it themselves, they might as well pay for it equally.”

“If she wants more fun money, she might as well find herself a job.” ~ Interesting_Pin_3490

“ESH. If it were a real compromise, you would be the logical and reasonable thing to do, but the fact you decided without discussing it with your wife makes you TA.” ~ ma77mc

Well, OP, Reddit has plenty to say about this situation.

You and your wife may need a serious sit down to hash this out.

If you’re not careful, this could all get a lot worse real fast.