Weddings can be far more stressful than people let on.
There are so many details to figure out.
One of the most important details is the fashion.
What is everyone wearing?
That makes or breaks it all.
Dressing in accordance with the bride’s choices is a must.
If people deviate… then there are issues.
Case in point…
Redditor DesignedBasic wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for having my niece’s dress photoshopped because she wore white to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (30 F[emale]) got married, yay!”
“Honestly, it was my dream wedding, everything went off without a hitch.”
“Except for one small thing; my niece’s (16) dress.”
“It was a white, lacy knee-length dress.”
“She even wore lace elbow-length gloves!”
“Honestly, it looked just like a wedding dress.”
“I didn’t say anything to her or her parents (my brother and S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]) at the moment, and I tried my best to ignore it.”
“But when I got the first drafts back from our photographer, I couldn’t stand when I saw her in her white dress standing next to me.”
My husband saw how upset I was and suggested that we pay extra to get my niece’s dress photoshopped to a light blue.”
“We thought it through, and since we had some budget left, we went for it.”
“Well, last week, we got the final photos back, and they looked great!”
“I could hardly even tell that my niece was originally wearing white, and she still looked really nice.”
“I posted some of the photos on social media, and my SIL messaged me and was angry that I photoshopped my niece without checking with her (my SIL) first.”
“She accused me of thinking my niece was ugly and of body-shaming her.”
“To be clear, I did not have her body photoshopped, only the color of her dress and gloves.”
“Small clarification: the picture I posted was a large group shot that my niece is in.”
“I wasn’t trying to showcase the Photoshop at all.”
“I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but this situation has been stressing me out, so AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If she didn’t want the dress to be photoshopped, she shouldn’t have let her daughter attend a wedding in a lacy white dress!”
“The nerve of that woman!” ~ Chaos-in-a-CookieJar
“SIL is ticked.”
“She’s probably the one who helped pick the dress and gloves and encouraged this.”
“Niece may not know, doubtful at her age in 2023 but SIL did.” ~ amagivictoria
“Exactly this.”
“SIL knew that she couldn’t wear a white dress to upstage OP without getting side-eyes so she had her 16-year-old daughter wear it so they could plead ignorance.”
“She knows exactly why her daughter’s dress was photoshopped and she’s going to pretend like she thinks it was her daughter who was photoshopped so that she can pick the fight she always wanted.” ~ tenpercentofnothing
“Oh yeah, SIL is just salty her plan or niece’s plan to draw attention to herself was able to be photoshopped.”
“So that the pics won’t be an eternal reminder to OP that she or her niece were self-centered jerks.”
“Who couldn’t handle NOT being the center of attention for one day.”
“Smart move OP, and you know you’re NTA.” ~ Jedisilk015
“Yeah, she knew what she was doing so she has no say if there are some consequences, as minimal as they were.”
“Obviously she was afforded the grace of not having a big stink at the wedding already.”
“But it’s not her wedding, not her pictures, and not her call on the Photoshopping. NTA.” ~ Willing_Violinist745
“NTA! Maybe OP’s niece doesn’t know proper wedding etiquette yet, but SIL definitely knows.”
“SIL ends up being the one that looks like the AH to everyone though, don’t worry OP.”
“No one else would think anything of the color change for YOUR wedding photos, except someone looking for a reason to be an AH.” ~ Mithrellas
“Kill them with kindness!”
“Since she was obviously too young to know about the faux pas, we didn’t say anything, we just went ahead and paid to have it photoshopped.”
“That way, MY WEDDING pictures weren’t ruined, and she didn’t have to feel bad when she figured out that it’s very impolite to wear white to a wedding.”
“We thought we were doing the right thing for everyone.”
“Pretty funny that she wanted you to ask her permission to photoshop the picture but she didn’t get your permission for her daughter to wear a wedding dress to YOUR WEDDING.”
“NTA – I think you handled it as tastefully as possible, considering that it bothered you.” ~ F**kMeInParticular
“In case it’s helpful, the bride really might not have cared.”
“I would have assumed a 15-year-old didn’t know that rule, and a sundress isn’t something you can normally confuse for a wedding dress–that wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest.”
“I definitely wasn’t interested in letting anything minor like that interfere with my enjoyment of my wedding regardless.”
“My now-stepmom wore white, and I was annoyed for like a second and then figured that maybe that wasn’t a rule in the extremely rural area she was from.”
“Then my grandma showed up in a light cream skirt and blazer, and there’s no way I’m going to get annoyed at my grandma!”
“I didn’t think about it again the rest of my wedding day, and it actually ended up looking fantastic in the family photos–very coordinated when there hadn’t been any plan to do that.”
“Anyway, I think if anyone thought badly of you for wearing a white sundress to a wedding when you were only 15 and had no idea, they’re a huge jerk.”
“Be kind to yourself and please stop feeling ashamed about it!” ~ Anat1313
“She’s probably the one who helped pick the dress.”
“Yeah, SIL was behind this stunt.”
“It’s entirely possible the niece didn’t realize wearing white to a wedding is an absolute no-no, and the fact SIL didn’t ask her to change says everything.”
“The fact SIL is throwing a hissy fit for changing the color of the dress and trying to manipulate the situation by claiming she’s body-shaming her.”
“WTF? This makes zero sense!”
“It makes me think SIL is jealous of OP or the wedding and she orchestrated this whole thing to ruin the wedding without having to deal with being judged if she had been the one to show up in a white dress (but I bet she wanted to!)
“OP, make sure to be proactive about explaining why you changed the photos.”
“SIL is going to start making outlandish accusations to your relatives and mutual acquaintances to try to twist the situation and make you look like the asshole. “
“But you’re not, your SIL is (and possibly the daughter, I’m not sure)! ~ Alarmed_Jellyfish555
“My spidey sense says the white dress was a deliberate affront, and when you finessed around it they got more combative and made up a grievance. NTA.” ~ Traveling-Techie
“NTA. And this could be more deliberately nasty than the women who personally wear white to ruin the bride’s day.”
“If SIL chose to have the niece wear a white dress —-What is the bride going to do?”
“Yell at a teenager? Kick out a teenager?”
“Throw red wine on her niece?”
“OP, have you had other problems with SIL?” ~ The_Badb_Catha
“NTA. They were wrong to have her wearing white to a wedding, to begin with.”
“Instead of getting mad and making a scene, you and your husband used logic (and technology) to fix the problem in the photos. Great thinking!” ~ alv269
“NTA! She wore white to your wedding?!”
“How thick-skulled do you have to be – and no one corrected her before arriving?”
“That’s insane I would’ve made her leave and change. NTA.” ~ Ok-Climate553
“NTA and your SIL aren’t stupid.”
“She knows why the dress color was photoshopped.”
“Does your SIL dislike you?”
“It is the only reason I could think of why she wouldn’t have told her daughter to change dress color.”
“Everyone knows only the bride wears white to a wedding.” ~ Such-Awareness-2960
“Yes, and in my opinion that’s key in how OP should approach the situation here.”
“OP: don’t be drawn into arguments or explanations about your reasoning.”
“You can’t ‘prove’ your motives to them and they’ll keep moving the goalposts.”
“It was inappropriate to wear a white lacy dress to our wedding.”
“So we just changed the color of the dress.”
“What were YOUR motives in choosing that dress?” ~ Zoenne
“That was my thought, 16 is still young but you’re old enough to know something like not wearing white to a wedding, especially a dress with long lace elbow-length gloves.”
“Even more so, the parents would recognize the insult of wearing something like that to their sibling’s wedding.”
“Makes me wonder if the SIL encouraged it to get under OP’s skin and cause a fight, then got extra salty where a scene wasn’t made and OP quietly resolved everything.”
“She took the high road and simultaneously made the niece look inoffensive in the photos without saying anything to anyone. Hard NTA.” ~ FishoftheNorth
“NTA, you didn’t change your niece’s body or face, you just switched the color slightly to make it less obvious she’d worn white to a wedding.”
“Her parents should have known it was unsuitable.” ~ DaysOfRoses
Well, OP, sounds like Reddit understands you’re actions.
It was your special day, and they are your photos
Congrats on the nuptials.
And good luck with the fam.