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Police Officer Called Out For Refusing To Quit Her Job To Appease Formerly Unhoused Brother-In-Law


People dislike another person for a myriad of reasons.

Often times the dislike is pure and justified.

And sometimes it is irrational and baseless.

And once and awhile it’s understandable but unnecessary.

Case in point…

Redditor Ok_Tourist_8730 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not quitting my job which upset my BIL?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (36 F[emale]) have always wanted to be a police officer.”

“I graduated from college with my associates and applied to be a state tropper.”

“Some of the tests were difficult and I was worried I might not pass.”

“I did graduate from the academy and now work full-time as an officer.”

“I have a daughter (6F) with my partner (36 M[ale]).”

“My sister (38F) was not supportive of my career choice and still voices against it.”

“My sister and her partner (39M) got married last year.”

“Her boyfriend ‘Jack, is nice to the rest of the family, but me.”

“When they first got together, Jack and my sister would not come over during holidays.”

“I could tell it was painful for him to talk to me and I just kept my distance.”

“Jack was kicked out of his house when he turned 18 and had to live on the streets.”

“I always help the homeless however I can.”

“I have helped homeless families find shelter.”

“Given them food, blankets and clothing.”

“I never knew why Jack hated me until the weekend of my daughter’s 6th birthday.”

“I had just worked the night shift and got the whole house ready for the party”

“Jack came over and didn’t say anything to me.”

“He spent most of the party glaring at me and walking away whenever I got close to him.”

“I finally had enough and pull him aside asking what his problem was?”

“He tells me that he hates that I’m a police officer.”

“Officers would always cause trouble for him when he was homeless.”

“He then tells me that if I quit my job, things would be fine between us.”

“I tell him no, this is not his decision to make.”

“My sister storms over and scoffs saying I can’t believe you would choose a job over family.”

“As of now, we are no longer sisters.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. The dude needs to work on his issues.”

“If I were you, I’d go very low contact with them.”  ~ Primary-Criticism929

“Will your sister and Jack going to pay your bills? No?”

“Because that would be too much to ask of them, but that should be the answer.”

“When you’re willing to pay my bills, I’ll quit my job. NTA.”  ~ shopgirl2

“Except it’s not even just the money.”

“This has been her dream her whole life.”

“They’re asking her to toss her dream and all her hard work aside because they can’t get over themselves and their prejudices.”

“OP’s NTA.”  ~ HalcyonEve

“This. OP, I’d tell your sister that her partner needs therapy and you hope he gets the help he needs.”

“But until then, you can’t have a relationship.”

“It’s not fair for you to be uncomfortable at every event.”

“Stop inviting them to things. They’ll have to figure it out.” ~ crystallz2000

“Also, I feel like technically B[rother] I[n] L[aw] and sis were the ones who prioritized OP’s job (which is really none of their business in the first place) over family.”

“If they had put family first, then they would have seen OP as a sibling first, then an officer, and not the other way around.”  ~ Kiruna235

“I can get not being a super fan of certain jobs because of your life experiences.”

“But to hate and be rude directly or ask them to quit is very extra.”

“For myself, I absolutely detest in the strongest terms all preachers, priests, and religious cult leaders as a profession.”

“To the point that I consider being a drug dealer or a pimp is more honest work.””

“However, as a rational human, you have to realize that 100% of those people cannot be absolutely evil.”

“Also, it would be silly to go out of my way to berate a family member, friend, guest or acquaintance over it.”

“If you absolutely cannot let it go, just be rather cool with them and try to not interact at least on that particular subject with people of that profession.”  ~ gordito_delgado

“I agree. My late BIL became a priest.”

“I disagree with his faith entirely, my wife and I both have nothing to do with it.”

“But I never disparaged it to him at all, just didn’t comment and talked to him… like a human?”

“Imagine doing that?”

“If she was, as a cop, ranting about the homeless to her family, or other controversial things, then maybe he could be upset.”

“Sounds like she’s tried to be a reasonable officer.”

“We could use those.”  ~ robertthebruce17

“The problems within law enforcement that make people distrust them can only be fixed by officers.”

“The fact you help the homeless etc.”

“Ask Jack to help put some toys and relief packs together to give to folks who need help.”

“Bags could have water, protein bars, peanut butter cookies, hygiene items, blankets etc.”

“Some cites offer hotel vouchers to get homeless families off the streets during bad weather.”

“I crochet dolls and bears to give to traumatized kids.”

“I am sure he has personal and painful reasons for his fear and distrust of police.”

“All of which are your uniform and not you. Good luck.”  ~ Pettyfan1234

“OP is NTA.”

“But those who suggest she is by spouting irrational theories certainly are AH.”

“Then why does Jack chooses to go to the OP house if it is so traumatic?”

“I’m sure she is fine with him not coming to eat and drink for free.”

“Furthermore following your exceptionally creative ‘reasoning,’ OP is a parent.”

“Clearly the original abusers causing all this trauma to begin with was the parents that kicked Jack out of the house at 18.”

“Are you suggesting OP also gets rid of her kid so Jack doesn’t have to be in the vicinity of abusers that caused his trauma?”

“I guess Jack has decided not to have kids because he will have to see an abuser everytime he looks in the mirror.”  ~ TimeDue2994

“Uh forced? You think this man didn’t have a choice here?”

“The party was at her house! He could’ve chose not to come.”

“He has the same choice here OP does.”

“If he doesn’t want to be around them, don’t go to places the OP is expected to be.”

“Asking someone to quit their job due to your trauma is not reasonable in the slightest.”

“This is all ignoring the fact that OP isn’t his abuser.”

“OP didn’t do a single thing to this man.”

“That’s like claiming all men are abusers because I was abused by a male.”

“Maybe men should start avoiding me so I don’t get triggered.”

“I mean if it’s expected of OP to cater to this guy they did nothing to merely because they have the same occupation has his abuser.”

“I think it should apply to gender too!” ~ compcube42

“His thinking is stupid.”

“He wants good people to quit being in the police.”

“He should be glad to have now someone in their ranks that he could count on.”

“But nooo, ALL police officers are bad.”

“Yes, OP should not try to change his view or so.”

“Low or no contact. He needs therapy.”

“If it gets bad, he could ruin her carreer with false accusations.”

“He would even think that he did OP a favor with it… NTA.”  ~ Sheeps_n_Birds

“There is no small number of people that have had multiple negative experiences with law enforcement, including those we would not consider criminal.”

“I don’t blame the guy for not wanting anything to do with OP.”

“At the same time, I don’t blame OP for being a cop.”

“I do blame OP for behaving like he’s owed this man’s camaraderie.”

“The dude chooses not to associate with cops, and that’s his choice.

“OP needs to accept that, just like the other guy needs to accept that OP is going to continue being a cop.”

“Neither has gone far enough to be an asshole yet in my opinion.”

“But if OP continues pushing the guy about it he will be. NAH.”  ~ noshoptime

“The guy came to OP’s home for her child’s birthday party and would not speak to her in her own home and glared at her any time she was near him.”

“In what world is that acceptable behavior?”

“F**k him, OP is entirely NTA.”

“His problem with an institution does not need to be taken out on individuals.”

“Especially in an off-duty capacity in her own damn home.”  ~ Kitler0327

Well OP should feel good knowing Reddit supports her.

There is so much to discuss here.

We are in troubling times.

The only way through is communication.

Hopefully OP and family can find a way to do that.