It’s nice to be able to share a meal with your significant other, but there are times when things get in the way. Maybe it’s work or family, or some other necessary priority.
And maybe it’s the evening blunt with the neighbor.
Redditor gigibee89 had a long day and just wanted to eat dinner, but her husband insisted they wait until after he went and spent time with the next-door neighbor. But the original poster (OP) didn’t want to wait, and ate dinner anyway.
Now her husband is upset, and OP isn’t sure if she maybe should have waited. So she took her issue to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for eating without my husband?”
The story went about as you’d expect:
“Am I the a**hole for eating without my husband?”
“I had the day off today, and didn’t feel like cooking dinner so I asked my husband to pick up an order I placed at a local steakhouse, while on his way home.”
“He calls and says he’s on the way, so I set the table, and got our drinks ready as the steakhouse is just a couple of miles away.”
“He gets home and says ‘oh, I can’t eat yet. I have to wait on the neighbor so we can smoke, or else he’ll cry about it since it’s tradition to smoke after work.’
“I said ‘well, he doesn’t normally get home until after 6 pm.’ (it was 5:25 when my husband got here) I did get annoyed because my husband always complains about our neighbor, how he’s needy and a whiner.”
“I told him ‘I’ve been looking forward to this all day, i got everything out of the way so we could just chill so yeah, I am kind of annoyed that I have to wait until the neighbor gets here.’”
“And also, I ordered a burger and fries and I didn’t want to eat cold food!!! If he had told me before, I would’ve waited to place the order for a later dinner.”
“For what it’s worth, I do know they smoke after work, it’s never a set time but I didn’t consider it a ‘tradition.’ The neighbor shows up at 6:18pm, and my husband stepped outside.”
“I just ended up eating in the kitchen by myself, which I do think was kind of immature of me. He comes in after smoking and he says ‘ok, I’m ready let’s eat.’”
“I just rolled my eyes and said well I ate already, and he says ‘really, you couldn’t have waited?’ I just asked for space and he said I was being ugly and rude.”
“I’m annoyed at myself because I’m bothered by it but he’s not, so maybe I should’ve just waited.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
In a comment, OP provided a little more context.
“Was he waiting to smoke weed so the food would taste better or a cigarette so it’d taste like an ashtray?” – CyberneticPanda
“Weed, he says he has to smoke before he eats. In other words, he will not eat until he smokes.”
“But instead of just smoking and eating, he said he needed to wait for the neighbor.” – gigibee89 (OP)
On the AITA board, people are judged for how they react to something. It’s determined whether it’s OP’s fault, someone else’s, or sometimes no one’s at all.
This is done with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s husband had plenty of other ways to resolve this, including just accepting OP would eat before him. There isn’t a good reason why OP should have to wait for her husband to get done smoking before she eats.
The board voted OP was NTA.
“NTA. He had an hour to eat the hot dinner that he picked up on his way home before going for his smoke.” – FarTree9
“NTA.”
“He could have eaten in the time it took for the neighbor to get there. Burgers, and especially fries, don’t reheat well at all, even in the oven.” – DinahDrakeLance
“NTA. Yeah, that’s some bullsh**.”
“On the one hand, there was hot food on the table – tasty steakhouse food no less, which isn’t going to keep well very long – plus a wife who was eager to share that meal with him. That sounds pretty awesome.”
“On the other, a loose arrangement with a neighbor to smoke together at maybe some undetermined time.”
“That shouldn’t have even be a close race, if for no other reason than you guys had plenty of time eat first, and he could have still done both.”
“Yet he inexplicably chose to prioritize the loose plans with the neighbor!? And he chose….poorly.”
“There needs to be some serious follow-up discussions about priorities and courtesy and communication. And about not using lofty-sounding words like ‘tradition’ as an excuse to be an inconsiderate jackass to your spouse.” – PARA9535307
“NTA. The neighbour didn’t get home until 6. He had half an hour to sit down with you and eat.”
“He might be okay with cold food, but you weren’t and you made it clear to him that you wanted to eat then.” – EngineeringOwn2299
Some of the other comments were curious about the relationship between OP’s husband and the neighbor. Why would he prioritize spending time with someone he doesn’t even like when he doesn’t have to, instead of a delicious dinner?
It didn’t seem to make sense.
“NTA. You don’t need to schedule your meals around some random dude, even if your husband does.” – SolitaryTeaParty
“Thank you! I did kind of feel bad for not wanting to wait, but it wasn’t personal ya know.”
“I’m just a hungry girl who waited all day to enjoy a good fat burger.” – gigibee89 (OP)
“NTA. Your husband could have told the friend he couldn’t make it tonight.”
“It doesn’t sound like it’s an actual tradition, and I may be jumping to conclusions, but it sounds like your husband is blaming your neighbor whining about it because he doesn’t want to admit that he actually really wants to himself.”
“Badly enough that he’s going to make his wife put off dinner so he can smoke with this supposedly whiny neighbor.” – throwawaygrosso
“Which is so crazy because I’ve never once complained when he steps outside! I think he’s embarrassed that he enjoys his company because he’s younger, he’s 4 years younger than my husband.” – gigibee89 (OP)
“NTA I would’ve eaten without him also. Take out is not good reheated. It’s barely passingly decent reheated.”
“And I get he wanted to hang out with his friend. But that should have had zero to do with you eating.”
“You were hungry so you ate. End of story.” – Beautiful_mistakes
“Thank you! I told him he can smoke whenever he wants but it was pretty inconsiderate to expect me to wait.” – gigibee89 (OP)
Hopefully OP’s husband understands why she didn’t wait, and that there were other ways to handle this. Maybe OP could take their evening smoke into consideration, but that seems to be a lesser priority.
And if OP’s husband likes to hand out with his neighbor, even though he’s a few years younger, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s fine if you want to have a friend. Just make the time you spend with them reasonable.