Sometimes it can feel like your parents are more excited for your baby than you are. This can be really cute, but it can also lead to a lot of conflict.
Redditor loawren is pregnant and so excited for her future child. The original poster (OP) and her fiancé have already picked a name.
This leads to an issue with OP’s future mother-in-law (FMIL). While OP wants to keep the baby’s name secret until the child is born, the FMIL wants to know it ahead of time.
OP refused, fearing what FMIL might do. So she decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about how she decided to handle the situation.
The FMIL was insistent on learning the baby’s name.
“AITA for deliberately telling my FMIL the wrong name of our baby?”
But OP had a plan for that.
“I 23F(emale) and my fiancé 25M(ale) are expecting a baby girl next month, we’re really excited as this is our first child and we’ve been trying to prepare for parenthood.”
“A lot of our family have been helping us with baby stuff and giving us general advice, they’re also really super excited for her! Especially my FMIL.”
“She’s a very stubborn person and hasn’t really accepted me as apart of the family yet, she always tells my fiancé how he could do so much better than me and that he’s fallen into the trap of having ‘my’ child.”
“It’s hurt me a lot and my fiancé has had a talk to her about it but she still hasn’t apologised or anything so I just tend to ignore it now. She’s also one of them mums who posts every little detail of their life to Facebook like when my fiancé proposed she was straight to Facebook before we could announce it ourselves.”
“Recently me and my fiancé have been coming up with names for our little girl and we both decided on the perfect name. A few days ago on a phone call my fiancé accidentally slips up by telling my FMIL that we’ve chosen a name.”
“She’s been non stop messaging us and calling us to find out the name, we don’t want to tell her until the baby is born so that it doesn’t ruin the surprise and the whole of Facebook finds out before we are comfortable telling everyone. She tried guilt tripping my fiancé by telling him how he’s hurting her by not telling his own mother the name of her grandchild, that he doesn’t love him and that we (especially me) are gonna try and keep her from seeing the baby.”
“I’m not sure why she would think that as nothing we have said has suggested it. To stop her from getting on my fiancé’s back I wrote a message saying that if she wants to know she can’t post it on Facebook, she agreed and I told her a fake name.”
“5 minutes later into checking FB.”
“‘I can’t believe I’m going to be a granny to baby Charlotte next month. So proud of (fiancé’s name) and his partner!’”
“My fiancé was furious and called her and told her that she was wrong to announce it. She said that she was so overjoyed by it that she couldn’t resist.”
“He told her how that wasn’t even the name and that we aren’t gonna tell her until she’s born and hung up. Its been afew days and my fiancé has been getting texts from her saying that she didn’t mean and that I’m the AH for telling her the wrong name.”
“Her words were ‘Who even tells their FMIL the wrong name of their grandchild?’.”
OP’s situation became complicated the moment her fiancé told his mother they had a name. This led to OP giving a fake name to try and prove her FMIL would do exactly what they feared.
However, OP’s FMIL feels horrible for being deceived.
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for giving her mother-in-law a fake baby name by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
In the end, the problem here came down to what OP and her fiancé knew about the FMIL. They knew she would spill the beans, and attempts to get her to stop asking failed.
OP’s choice may have humiliated the FMIL, but it proved the point. FMIL could not be trusted to know the real name.
The commenters voted that OP was NTA.
“Who gives the wrong name? Someone who knew she was going to do exactly what she did.” – -siris99
“LMAO – yep. My MIL is a great lady, but telling her anything is like putting it on the cover of the New York Times. She and FIL were the last to find out my husband and I were expecting.”
“We had a number of complications early on in the pregnancy and weren’t sure it was even viable. The LAST thing I wanted was news spread about a pregnancy that I lost.”
“So, we didn’t tell them until way into my 2nd tri when things were looking good. My MIL was hurt, but I know my FIL knew exactly why we waited!” – SuchLovelyLilacs
“My MIL was the first person we told we were expecting, because my husband wanted his mom to have a special exciting secret. We asked her not to tell anyone until we went public.”
“Her ex-husband, my FIL, called us the next day incredibly hurt that he ‘had to find out’ from her. She’s now the last to find out anything.” – Tiny_Contribution144
“NTA…. May I suggest ‘forgetting’ to tell her about the birth until you’ve gotten out of the hospital and are ready to announce it yourself and have visitors?” – mini_mimi_mouse
“Who tells their MIL the wrong name? A couple that has been harried and harassed nonstop and wants a moment’s peace.”
“If she can’t help herself about broadcasting YOUR life, you really don’t have much of a choice – either she gets severe information restriction or you don’t get to make your own announcements.”
“I doubt she would have appreciated her own MIL being constantly on her ass like she is on yours and your fiancé’s. NTA.” – KaliTheBlaze
Other commenters discussed what it means to keep a secret and how you deal with a family member who can’t seem to do so. OP’s FMIL isn’t the only one who has this kind of problem.
For some people, this story hits close to home.
“NTA. Act like a child, get treated like a child. Excited to see which ‘baby’ in the family requires more attention after you give birth!”
“Well played, by the way.” – Major_Barnacle_2212
“My daughter used to be the worst at keeping secrets, including when we told her we were pregnant with her sister. Needless to stay she has been out of the circle of trust for years about everything, especially presents and other necessary secrets.”
“A few weeks ago she started lobbying to gain some trust back and I told her we’d figure out something small and go from there. Maybe OP can try that… eventually.” – justmaybemaggie
“We’ve got a daughter like this too. Bless her heart she never means to tell, her mouth just starts going about something else and somehow –oops– the secret is out.”
“About the only secret she can keep is upcoming gifts for Christmas and birthdays. When we take her kids for a weekend (ages 11, 10 and 8), I’ll tell her that there’s a surprise adventure, but won’t tell her what.”
“She would accidentally let the secret slip over and over so we wouldn’t get the joy of seeing the excitement of the kids finding out we were off to the trampoline park or the zoo or wherever.”
“…. Maybe we can trust her with surprises at some point. Likely when she’s a grandma 😂” – mini_mimi_mouse
“NTA. Your fmil is a major drama queen and she has proven unable to keep a secret. Word of advice from someone with an overbearing mil: guard your boundaries as if your life depends on it.”
“Do not give in to her badgering! Your daughter is most important and you are going to need your rest after giving birth.”
“Your mil has no rights to anything and is not your priority!” – EM_Full_Moon
“I agree. I went through a lot with my former mil including how she basically took over the birth of my first child. It was horrible. Baby #2 came.”
“We set a boundary to keep her away and give us a few days of peace. She never forgave my 2 nd child ( um not his fault) or me. She has made awful comments to people about it.”
“She loves being the victim.”
“hold tight to boundaries. Dont let your guard down even if she seems nicer. You cant fix crazy or toxic people.”
“Ps. Watch her call the baby charlotte or charlie now no matter what u actually name her. I bet u she might. Crazy!” – BandMinimum2294
OP and her fiancé have a long time ahead if the FMIL continues to be overbearing and ignoring healthy boundaries. But if they hold strong, she may get the hint in time.