Pregnancy, as miraculous and beautiful as it is, is also a very fragile situation.
There are health issues looming no matter who you are.
So parents always have to be prepared.
And when people are expecting together, in a happy relationship, that shouldn’t be a stressful scenario.
Right?
Case in point…
Redditor Ispyabeast wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for requesting my husband to go on paid leave at work or else I was going to my mom’s?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 33 F[emale] am pregnant for the first time.”
“I’m eight months pregnant and getting closer and closer to my date.”
“I’m supposed to be on bed rest.”
“My husband though works very long hours, sometimes close to 16 hours a day.”
“He’s a hospitalist at a hospital nearly an hour away.”
“I love my husband, we’ve been together since high school, but he’s never home.”
“He works seven days a week, some days are shorter than others, but my husband has an issue with picking up and staying.”
“He’s very passionate in his work.”
“The times he is home, he’s mostly sleeping or does a little clean up of the house.”
“Since I’ve been placed on bed rest, I have decided I will be staying with my mother till I give birth.”
“So I could have extra help, and my husband wouldn’t have to come home and clean up after me.”
“At this point, I have to have someone stand by when I shower. I didn’t want to put that on him.”
“When I brought this up to my husband, he was deeply upset and told me he didn’t want me going, that he works that many hours and likes to come home to see me.”
“I told him he’d either have to take his paid leave at work till the end of my pregnancy, or I was leaving.”
“He got upset and said I couldn’t make him choose between those things and that he could take shorter days.”
“But he worked an important job and couldn’t pick up and go.”
“I told him he needed to because I needed him, too.”
“He’s been upset for the past two days and says he can’t believe I gave him an ultimatum, and it wasn’t fair to him.”
“I think I’m being perfectly fair.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You’re on bed rest for a reason, and overdoing it is dangerous to you and your unborn child.”
“You need support.”
“Go to your mothers.”
“Your husband can come to see you there.”
“At this point, the baby comes first, well before your husband’s feelings, and he might as well get on board with that because I suspect parenthood is going to be a pretty big shock for him.” ~ Ok_Butterfly_3174
“I couldn’t agree with you more.”
“Don’t be like me, OP.”
“I was supposed to be on bed rest after my last baby was born.”
“I didn’t listen.”
“I had two toddlers, a newborn, and a husband who was in bed due to severe nerve damage from a motorcycle accident.”
“My delivery was really hard on me.”
“It was compounded by the fact that the doctor left part of the placenta behind.”
“I was really sick.”
‘I didn’t feel right, and I expressed that feeling to the nurses and doctors, who made me feel like I was crazy.”
“Then I passed out.”
“After imaging, an emergency surgery, and blood transfusions, I was told to stay in bed for two weeks.”
“I almost died; according to the E[mergency] R[oom] doctor, I was 45 minutes from fully bleeding out.”
“Still, I didn’t listen.”
“And more complications arose.”
“I’m not trying to scare you.”
“I just want to share how fast things can turn.”
“You need to listen to the doctors and your body.”
“Your body is going through a lot.”
“Giving birth is incredibly hard and stressful on the body.”
“Your body needs time to heal.”
“If the doctors want you on bed rest, then there’s a good reason for that.”
“Listen to them.”
“Your husband should understand.”
“He should also be supporting you and your decisions.”
“You are going to need help and support.”
“I think staying at your mom’s is the best idea.”
“You will be less likely to want to do things around the house if your at your mom’s.”
“Mom will be there to help you in any way you need.”
“She will help comfort you and care for the baby in any way you need.”
“She will make sure you eat and are being cared for.”
“Ideally, your husband would step up and be there for you.”
“While I understand the love of his job, he needs to make you and baby the priority.”
“He should not try to guilt you for wanting to do what is best for you and baby either.”
“Unfortunately, your husband is TA.”
“He’s adding stress that you don’t need.”
“He either makes you, your health and your baby his priority… or you stay with your mom for an unspecified amount of time.”
“Hubby should be doing everything in his power to support you.”
“You should be more important than his job.”
“NTA, OP. Best wishes for a smooth, easy, pain-free delivery.” ~ BooBooKittyKat1
“On another note, one of the best doctors I ever had was amazing.”
“He was available ALL of the time.”
“The nurses said his patients weren’t given so much as an aspirin without his approval.”
“But he was also a divorced man whose kids didn’t speak to him.”
“The one time he sort of slipped and told me something personal, he admitted he worked such long hours that his kids only contacted him when they needed a check.”
“OP, talk to your husband.”
“He can’t be the best doctor in the world and be the best husband to you.”
“He has to be okay with you getting help from your mom if he wants to live this way.” ~ crystallz2000
“My husband is a nurse who works nights Thursday through Saturday, occasionally picks up extra shifts bc the money is good.”
“We have three kids.”
“He’s amazing and does lose sleep time to be with us as often as he can, but it can still be difficult with him having that schedule.”
“We’re planning on moving out of state at the end of the year.”
“And I told him that I know the money is better with his shifts (hourly bonus for nights, hourly bonus for weekends, he gets both).”
“But spending time with our family is more important at the moment, and we’d still get by fine if he gets a job working days during the week.”
“I think he understands and agrees with me, but it took talking about it, and a little relationship trouble to get there.”
“Communication and willingness to do what’s best for the family should always be the priority.”
“I recommend OP tells her husband that she appreciates how much he loves his job and that it’s great he wants to provide for their family, but he also needs to balance the health of his family and shared life experiences.”
“Life isn’t just about money.”
“We need companionship from our partners and memories with them.”
“If he doesn’t HAVE to work this way to provide for his family, he needs to step back a bit and start experiencing life with her and their soon-to-be kid.”
“That’s what really matters in the end.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ Charistar03
“NTA. You’re not giving him an ultimatum. You’re just making alternate arrangements for your care while you are vulnerable and on bed rest.”
“It’s what you medically need to do because you need help at home for your own safety.”
“He’s being extremely selfish.”
“He ‘wants to see you’ when you get home but doesn’t want to make any concessions to ensure you have the basic home care you need.”
“He can’t have it both ways.”
“Those are mutually exclusive things.”
“Why does his desire to see you when he gets home — as if you were some pleasant house decoration for his viewing pleasure — trump the safety of both you and the baby?”
“He knows you don’t just power down and turn into a doll the moment he goes to work, right?”
“You have actual needs while he’s not there, and he either needs to meet them or let you meet them by staying elsewhere.” ~ eefr
“I’m not convinced your husband even cares about your health.”
“I hope you’re ready to be a single parent with a completely absent father.”
“There was no ultimatum here.”
“You’re supposed to be on bed rest.”
“That requires a carer.”
“If he won’t do it, your mom needs to.”
“Your husband is absolutely horrible and abandoning you and emotionally abusing you during this very important time. NTA.” ~ imothro
“NTA, you and the baby’s health come first, and you’ve been placed on bed rest.”
“That means stay in bed.”
“If your husband can’t/won’t take leave, and you can’t/won’t get help during the day, the logical choice is for you to go stay at your mother’s.”
“Possibly, she could come to stay with you?”
“But your health comes first; however, the situation is handled.”
“Your husband needs to put on his big boy pants and understand that medical orders are just that.” ~ sbinjax
OP, Reddit is with you.
You’re in a sticky situation.
You have to put your health and the baby first, always.
It sounds like some serious communication may be necessary for you and the hubby.
Good luck.