Traveling with friends adds spontaneity, laughter, and comfort to the time spent in a place you’re not used to exploring.
But for all those benefits, getting all the logistics together can feel like herding cats.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit painted a clear picture of what those difficulties can look like.
The Original Poster (OP), known as K-Quay on the site, outlined the key moving parts in the post’s title.
“AITA for telling my best friend if she chooses to have a baby she can’t come on a vacation I paid for with me?”
OP began with a quick caveat.
“Okay I know the title sounds harsh but everyone I have spoke to about this doesn’t think I’m in the wrong but she is mad at me and barely speaking to me anymore.”
Then she got right into the pertinent details.
“So I [21-year-old female] bought me and my best friend [20-year-old female] tickets to go to Vegas for a few days as this year we are turning 21 (she will be 21 before we go and I had my b-day a month ago).”
“She recently found out she was pregnant and was going back and forth between getting an abortion or keeping the baby and I told her I will support her with any decision she decides.”
Then OP did some quick math.
“She has gotten comfortable with the idea that she is having the baby and has even told some people around her.”
“She found out she was about a month and a half along and if she decides to have the baby she will be around four months when we go.”
This all led OP to some new considerations.
“This morning I had a conversation with a few coworkers and I told them the situation and how if we go I don’t wanna be held back by her and I especially don’t want to drink alone and all my coworkers agreed with me.”
“I voiced these thoughts to her later in the day and she asked me to just cancel the trip and we can do it another time which it’s too late to get my money back…”
“…but she insisted that would be better then me going alone and I told her I didn’t want to lose that much money and I can take another friend, my cousin, or my boyfriend.”
OP tried to cushion the blow.
“I also told her after she has the kid and can go on vacation we can always book another trip and celebrate 21 as if we just turned 21.”
“She has kept me on read all day after I said this and won’t answer my calls.”
For OP, that was tough to stomach.
“I love my best friend and I will love and spoil her child I just don’t want our vacation to be ruined by me drinking on my own and her complaining about whatever pregnant people complain about.”
OP ended the post with a rather ambiguous update.
“Update: She texted me today but hasn’t brought up anything. I decided it was best not to bring it up either and just let her think about things.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors’ responses to the post were all over the place.
Most, however, said OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA- if you didn’t go it would be a waste of money and she has to understand that her not drinking and being pregnant means the holiday will be less fun” — HotAge5962
“NTA – She can’t expect you to just flush all that money down the drain… take someone else, since she doesn’t want to go. You can party with her somewhere else later.” — EvocativeEnigma
“NTA. The money’s already spent and she won’t be able to enjoy the trip to it’s fullest because of her pregnancy. It’s not fair for her to expect you to not go because of her situation.” — dominqlane
One supporter spoke from experience.
“NTA I actually took a trip with a pregnant friend many (twenty-nine) years ago. I had bought the tickets and invited her along with me.”
“Her husband had a huge list of rules that he wanted followed to protect the baby. They were reasonable (things like ‘no Bungie jumping’ or ‘moshing’), but having a list of forbidden activities was a downer.”
“I’m not a big drinker, but I felt bad having any liquor around her. Sometimes it’s nice to have a stupid, umbrella decorated, disgustingly sweet, alcoholic beverage poolside: without feeling guilty about it.”
“Invite someone else on the trip. Her circumstances have changed, and you can always plan another trip at a later date.” — DreadGrrl
But a fair amount of people were careful to say that OP’s friend also was not being an a**hole either.
“NAH. Stop calling her, and let her be for a couple of days. She’s disappointed, and having some FOMO right now. She’s still adjusting to the idea of her whole life changing, and not being able to do some of the things she thought she would.”
“After a couple of days, reach out again and tell her you’re really looking forward to being an auntie and you will have fun trips together in the future, just not right now.” — karskipellis
“Oof. I wanna say NAH. You want to spend the time you planned for, but it seems like she still needs some time to adjust to the new situation.”
“Maybe do something small and sweet for her – a baby basket, maybe? This decision seems to have been hard for her and she might not be fully ready to accept the consequences and changes yet, which is okay.”
“Having a child after just barely turning 21 isn’t exactly the norm anymore and her life is about to change, in a huge way. Be there for her, maybe don’t take this situation right now to personal. I think there is a lot going on on an emotional level for her right now.” — Novel_Ad_7318
“NAH You aren’t wrong for wanting to have your Vegas fun on a trip you paid for.”
“She isn’t out any money so you aren’t screwing her over She’s understandably upset, but I hope she comes around.”
“Good luck and I hope you have fun on your trip” — IBeatHimAtChess
And a few even called her out.
“YTA. You value getting drunk more than hanging out and having a great vacation with you friend.” — Isabeledai
“Ehhhh. I don’t understand why you can’t invite a third party? It’s pretty shi**y of you to dismiss her just cause she is pregnant. Pregnant people are still people and still like to vacation.”
“She’ll sure as sh** be reliable getting your drunk ass home.” — Ok_Magician_9415
OP responded to such criticisms with an update.
“I appreciate everyone who commented because it really did give me prospective on how she may be feeling and I have to admit I’m not the best at communicating so to her I probably did sound a little harsh.”
“There was also a lot of people calling me entitled for my decision even tho I am literally paying for her whole vacation and offered to rebook which I was going to pay for as well. I don’t think that’s entitled behavior at all but who knows I can be wrong lol.”
Looks like OP plans to head to Vegas–and bring a new traveling companion a long.