Traveling with friends adds spontaneity, laughter, and comfort to the time spent in a place you're not used to exploring.
But for all those benefits, getting all the logistics together can feel like herding cats.
A recent post on the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit painted a clear picture of what those difficulties can look like.
The Original Poster (OP), known as K-Quay on the site, outlined the key moving parts in the post's title.
"AITA for telling my best friend if she chooses to have a baby she can't come on a vacation I paid for with me?"
OP began with a quick caveat.
"Okay I know the title sounds harsh but everyone I have spoke to about this doesn't think I'm in the wrong but she is mad at me and barely speaking to me anymore."
Then she got right into the pertinent details.
"So I [21-year-old female] bought me and my best friend [20-year-old female] tickets to go to Vegas for a few days as this year we are turning 21 (she will be 21 before we go and I had my b-day a month ago)."
"She recently found out she was pregnant and was going back and forth between getting an abortion or keeping the baby and I told her I will support her with any decision she decides."
Then OP did some quick math.
"She has gotten comfortable with the idea that she is having the baby and has even told some people around her."
"She found out she was about a month and a half along and if she decides to have the baby she will be around four months when we go."
This all led OP to some new considerations.
"This morning I had a conversation with a few coworkers and I told them the situation and how if we go I don't wanna be held back by her and I especially don't want to drink alone and all my coworkers agreed with me."
"I voiced these thoughts to her later in the day and she asked me to just cancel the trip and we can do it another time which it's too late to get my money back..."
"...but she insisted that would be better then me going alone and I told her I didn't want to lose that much money and I can take another friend, my cousin, or my boyfriend."
OP tried to cushion the blow.
"I also told her after she has the kid and can go on vacation we can always book another trip and celebrate 21 as if we just turned 21."
"She has kept me on read all day after I said this and won't answer my calls."
For OP, that was tough to stomach.
"I love my best friend and I will love and spoil her child I just don't want our vacation to be ruined by me drinking on my own and her complaining about whatever pregnant people complain about."
OP ended the post with a rather ambiguous update.
"Update: She texted me today but hasn't brought up anything. I decided it was best not to bring it up either and just let her think about things."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors' responses to the post were all over the place.
Most, however, said OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA- if you didn't go it would be a waste of money and she has to understand that her not drinking and being pregnant means the holiday will be less fun" -- HotAge5962
"NTA - She can't expect you to just flush all that money down the drain... take someone else, since she doesn't want to go. You can party with her somewhere else later." -- EvocativeEnigma
"NTA. The money's already spent and she won't be able to enjoy the trip to it's fullest because of her pregnancy. It's not fair for her to expect you to not go because of her situation." -- dominqlane
One supporter spoke from experience.
"NTA I actually took a trip with a pregnant friend many (twenty-nine) years ago. I had bought the tickets and invited her along with me."
"It sucked."
"Her husband had a huge list of rules that he wanted followed to protect the baby. They were reasonable (things like 'no Bungie jumping' or 'moshing'), but having a list of forbidden activities was a downer."
"I'm not a big drinker, but I felt bad having any liquor around her. Sometimes it's nice to have a stupid, umbrella decorated, disgustingly sweet, alcoholic beverage poolside: without feeling guilty about it."
"Invite someone else on the trip. Her circumstances have changed, and you can always plan another trip at a later date." -- DreadGrrl
But a fair amount of people were careful to say that OP's friend also was not being an a**hole either.
"NAH. Stop calling her, and let her be for a couple of days. She's disappointed, and having some FOMO right now. She's still adjusting to the idea of her whole life changing, and not being able to do some of the things she thought she would."
"After a couple of days, reach out again and tell her you're really looking forward to being an auntie and you will have fun trips together in the future, just not right now." -- karskipellis
"Oof. I wanna say NAH. You want to spend the time you planned for, but it seems like she still needs some time to adjust to the new situation."
"Maybe do something small and sweet for her - a baby basket, maybe? This decision seems to have been hard for her and she might not be fully ready to accept the consequences and changes yet, which is okay."
"Having a child after just barely turning 21 isn't exactly the norm anymore and her life is about to change, in a huge way. Be there for her, maybe don't take this situation right now to personal. I think there is a lot going on on an emotional level for her right now." -- Novel_Ad_7318
"NAH You aren't wrong for wanting to have your Vegas fun on a trip you paid for."
"She isn't out any money so you aren't screwing her over She's understandably upset, but I hope she comes around."
"Good luck and I hope you have fun on your trip" -- IBeatHimAtChess
And a few even called her out.
"YTA. You value getting drunk more than hanging out and having a great vacation with you friend." -- Isabeledai
"Ehhhh. I don't understand why you can't invite a third party? It's pretty shi**y of you to dismiss her just cause she is pregnant. Pregnant people are still people and still like to vacation."
"She'll sure as sh** be reliable getting your drunk ass home." -- Ok_Magician_9415
OP responded to such criticisms with an update.
"I appreciate everyone who commented because it really did give me prospective on how she may be feeling and I have to admit I'm not the best at communicating so to her I probably did sound a little harsh."
"There was also a lot of people calling me entitled for my decision even tho I am literally paying for her whole vacation and offered to rebook which I was going to pay for as well. I don't think that's entitled behavior at all but who knows I can be wrong lol."
Looks like OP plans to head to Vegas--and bring a new traveling companion a long.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.