Secrets always find a way to get free.
There are just some things in life that are too big to be secret.
And asking others to hold onto secrets can only complicate matters.
These are the situations where “the more the merrier” usually only leads to exposure.
Redditor ohboygollygeewiz wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ‘accidentally’ telling my parents about my sister’s pregnancy because I was tired of keeping the secret?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) have a younger sister (21 F).”
“We’re not really close, but we’re not enemies either.”
“We always had a competitive sibling dynamic.”
‘About two months ago, she told me she was pregnant.”
“It wasn’t planned, and she was freaking out about how our parents would react.”
“They’re pretty traditional and can be judgmental.”
“She made me promise not to tell anyone.”
“Like, you cannot say a word until I’m ready, seriously. “
“I agreed, but I was hesitant about it.”
“She still lives at home, and I visit my parents pretty often.”
“My mom kept making comments to me about how my sister has been ‘moody’ and ‘gaining weight’ and asked if I knew what was going on.”
“Every time, I had to pretend I didn’t know.”
“I started getting tired of keeping this up quickly.”
“I also felt weirdly left out of everything.”
“She wouldn’t update me much, but expected me to cover for her constantly.”
“I was lying to keep her cover, but I had no idea what was going on, and I felt used.”
“Last weekend, my mom directly asked me if my sister was pregnant.”
“I hesitated and finally gave in and said, ‘I think you should talk to her.’”
“Which obviously confirmed it.”
“My mom confronted her immediately. “
“It turned into a huge blow-up fight.”
“My sister is furious and says I betrayed her and stole the chance for her to tell them on her own terms.”
“I told her I didn’t outright say she was pregnant, I just didn’t deny it.”
“And honestly, I was tired of carrying the secret around my parents.”
“She says I made it about me because I was uncomfortable for a few weeks, while she’s been dealing with something life-changing.”
“Now she won’t answer any of my texts.”
“Part of me feels guilty because I did promise. “
“But another part of me feels like I shouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I was ready to vote the other way, but then you got to how you told your mom.”
“And she knew.”
“Clearly, it was becoming increasingly obvious.”
“It had been two months.”
“The changes were apparently noticeable.”
“If you had told your mom no, she probably would have known you were directly lying, and that wouldn’t do anyone any good.”
“So I have to say NAH.”
“I understand why your sister is mad, but it’s kind of on her.”
“Two months is too long to keep it going under those circumstances.”
“But that doesn’t make her an AH, it just makes her someone who failed to figure out an effective plan in a reasonable amount of time before it would be obvious.”
“Maybe the parents are AHs for being judgmental, but I can’t confidently say that in this situation with the information we have.” ~ buddyofbuddy
“Yeah, agreed.”
“Two weeks, sure, you should’ve kept the secret.”
“Two months?!”
“Sis will be showing pretty soon, so the jig will be up anyway.”
“She roped OP in and then made it their problem.” ~ legolaswashot
“Promising to keep a secret isn’t the same thing as promising to lie to cover something up.”
“NTA – there’s lots of emotions/stress about this pregnancy, and I’m sure it’s just being directed at OP.”
“But OP – you did nothing wrong.”
“You did not tell your mom she was pregnant.”
“Your mom already thought she was because your sister’s behavior suggested it.”
“You didn’t give it away, she did.” ~ GiraffeThoughts
“Sorry, but the sister is an AH.”
“OP didn’t ask to be told, and despite having to deal with this for two months, there was no end in sight.”
“OP was basically sisters prisoner in this.”
“The mom guessed right, so NTA.” ~ Organic_Start_420
“NTA. Your mother already knew.”
“She was way beyond suspicious.”
“She’s the AH for asking you instead of your sister.” ~ CPA_Lady
“Don’t you think she had a daughter and denied it?”
“Come on.”
“Pregnant sis lived there.”
“She knew, asked, and tried another route.”
“OP didn’t do sh*t besides being caught in the middle.” ~ tootleloo
“LOL. These people are comparing normal pregnancy secret rules to your sister, who clearly needs help not seeking help.”
“Your mother knew.”
“She was too chicken sh*t to confront her without you as the scapegoat.”
“Your sister isn’t some independent adult asking you to keep a secret til the second time—she’s barely more than a child, not supporting herself, and now waits too long to have any options. NTA.” ~ the_orig_princess
“NTA – it’s pretty ridiculous that there are YTA calls here because HELLO!!”
“Your mom already knew, she absolutely already knew.”
“And yes, your sister is allowed to be upset that her secret was out before she was ready, but you did not rat her out.”
“You actually kept her secret as long as you could.”
“I’m assuming your mom isn’t blind if she could tell your sister was moody and gaining weight while LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE, she must see her every day!! “
“Whether you lied or not in that moment, your mom knew AND was going to confront her anyway.”
“Hopefully, your sister gets the support she needs AND apologizes for putting you in this position.” ~ Alive_Lion6571
“NTA. She lives in her house, and mom would find out eventually when a f**king baby is crying.”
“Your sister was trying to hide something from the head of the house she lives in; that’s messed up.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA. I’m not sure how you could lie when directly asked.”
“And when your Mom got to the point of asking, she already knew.”
“She was mostly confirming that you knew… lol.” ~ Yikesish
“NTA because she’s living in their house.”
“Like, did she think you could just show up with a baby and no one would notice?”
“Especially with her not being some scared high schooler, it would have been something to keep her secret for a week or two while she decided what to do, but months is ridiculous.” ~ No_Aerie4466
“NTA, no way, no how.”
“Your sister put you in an untenable situation- what, did she expect you to lie to your mom?”
“’Oh no, Mom! Sis is DEFINITELY NOT pregnant! Your sister is also guilty of treating her mother like an idiot.'”
“Enjoy the sister free/drama free interlude… she‘ll be back when she needs something.” ~ PeppermintWindFarm
“I’ve been you in this situation several times with my sisters.”
“It is frustrating to be put in that spot and not fair.”
“Your response was neutral as much as possible.”
“Your sister will come around because she will likely need to lean on you for some support once that baby comes. NTA.” ~ Turtlesarewise
“NTA. One, you barely told your mom.”
“Your sister is acting like you couldn’t wait to unload the secret; you just were tired of lying.”
“There’s a huge difference between being asked to keep a secret and being asked to continue lying for someone else, ESPECIALLY when that someone else is not telling the people she lives with that she is pregnant and presumably will be adding a member to the household.” ~ OrneryYesterday7
“NTA. The issue here is that your sister doesn’t trust your mom enough to keep her informed about serious, life-changing things.”
“It was never fair of your sister to expect you to keep her secret.”
“It forces you to either lie to your mom or betray your sister’s trust.”
“Not a fair position to put you in at all.”
“I mean, clearly your mom had already figured it out.”
“Anything you said would have led to your mom going to your sister.”
“The jig was up.”
“How long did your sister expect to hide this?”
“How long were you supposed to keep the secret?”
“There shouldn’t have been a fight.”
“Only words of caring.”
“Your family dynamic is f**ked, and that’s not your fault.”
“You did your best.”
“Seriously, anybody giving YTA replies in this thread is just evidence of how immature and sexually repressed people are.”
“I don’t know what I expect from a country with this leadership. 🙄”
“This needed to be dealt with.”
“Everyone knowing puts you all in a better position to prepare for taking care of a child, which is the most important thing here.”
“So what you did was a good thing.”
“You helped your nibling.” ~ Aeon1508
OP came back with an update…
“To everyone saying I should’ve let my sister know I could no longer keep this up and that I wanted to be involved in the situation, I DID.”
“I very clearly told her my concerns that mom was getting suspicious, and I could not keep this up for much longer, as it was eating away at me to hide it.”
“Her response?”
“It doesn’t matter, and she doesn’t care how uncomfortable I feel.”
“It’s her decision and not fair to her.”
“From my point of view, it was unfair to put me in this position in the first place.”
“As for being involved, she appeased me with vague updates once a week through a couple of words on text.”
“No solid plans for moving forward.”
“I was just tired and done with it.”
This is not your life struggle, OP, it’s your sister’s.
You didn’t outright tell your mom; you told her to ask for herself.
Your mom should’ve just gone straight to your sister in the first place.
You did your best.
Good Luck.