It is amazing how some people feel they can just say anything to anybody at anytime all in the name of caring.
People really need to choose their words and the timing of their words carefully in life.
This way a lot of pain and chaos can be avoided.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwawaybrother3 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my brother meet my son after what he told me at my husband’s funeral?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My late husband passed away from a car accident when I was 4 months pregnant.”
“It’s been difficult without him but my family did so much to support me.”
“I moved in with them a month after.”
“At the funeral, my older brother asked for a minute to talk then asked me if I really wanted to go through with my pregnancy.”
“I was shocked when I heard this but even more shocked when he suggested that I ‘make the right decision, not an emotional decision and reconsider having my son.'”
“He gave many reasons why including the fact how ‘single/widowed mom’ are considered too much of ‘baggage’ for so many men to date.”
“I lost it on him and kicked him out.”
“That was the last time we saw each other.”
“My son is now 3 weeks old.”
“My whole family met him and were happy to welcome him.”
“My parents asked if I could let my brother come meet my son even for few hours.”
“I refused but they said I was making a mistake robbing my son of a future loving relationship with his uncle.”
“They asked that I don’t let my emotions dictate a decision that might have a lasting impact, but I said no.”
“My extended family got involved and started pushing.”
“Especially after my brother started insisting saying my husband was a dear friend of his and what I’m doing right now would make my husband upset if he saw it.”
“Am I being bitter and selfish?”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Every time he says how much of a dear friend he was, remind him of that ‘talk’ from his ‘dear’ friends funeral.”
“He’ll remind the whole damn family of it.” ~ Particular-Fun4352
“My Mom had similar happen to her.”
“She never married again and raised us 3 kids.”
“Money was tight but we were quite wealthy when it came to love and care.”
“She wasn’t perfect but we never had any doubt how much she cared for us.”
“Edit: NTA, what he said was unforgivable and to say that at the funeral no less is such a heartless thing to do to anyone.”
“I cannot understand how anyone could stoop so low at the worst possible time.”
“You needed his support and he gave you more grief. Shake my head.” ~ ksangel360
“Honestly I can’t imagine wanting to move on from someone who I loved enough to marry.”
“I would understand if the brother was talking about how difficult it is being a single parent (or the child of one).”
“But it’s quite clear that he just meant moving on and getting back into dating.”
“And I doubt OP wants to.”
“That being said we have absolutely no indication of him being homophobic or sexist.”
“He said man because he assumed, OP having been in a straight relationship, that she’s straight — or as her brother he may know that as a fact.”
“Some people place more value on dating than children, he’s probably one of them.”
“That doesn’t excuse what he said to her, though, not in the slightest.”
“Also, obviously NTA.” ~ RiotIsBored
“If he keeps pulling this manipulative crap tell him that if he’d had his way there would be no nephew to meet so he can go on pretending he got his way.”
“Tell the family the same thing.”
“That the day you were burying your husband, your brother told you that you should abort your child and bury him, too.”
“NTA, OP.”
“Until your brother sincerely apologizes and makes amends (and to be honest I don’t know that I would ever see my brother the same way again), he doesn’t need to be in your son’s life.” ~ lydz31
“If it was me that brother died that day to me.”
“NTA and tell your family to leave if they don’t respect your decision.” ~ Etaec
“Misogyny… misogyny everywhere!”
“First concern of brother was her date-ability.”
“Next concern is having access to her son.”
“And somehow the family is on brother’s side. Ugh.”
‘NTA OP, not bitter, not too emotional.”
“You do you and I’m so sorry for your loss.” ~ rocknroll1516
“Yup NTA at all.”
“If he had his way, your son wouldn’t even exist.”
“So now as far as he’s concerned, your son doesn’t have an uncle.”
“How dear of a friend could he have been if he had the audacity to try and convince you to abort his friends baby?!” ~ k1k11983
“100% agree.”
“He lost any right to be a ‘loving uncle’ when he advocated for his ‘beloved nephew’ to be aborted.”
“Next time they push you over it, OP, ask them how upset they think your husband would have been to know your brother didn’t think your child should even have been born? NTA.” ~ blucougar57
“NTA. You don’t have to allow anyone in your child’s life that you don’t want to.”
“That includes family.”
“Your brother said some pretty awful and tactless things (while you were still AT THE FUNERAL of the FATHER of your CHILD).”
“I’m assuming he also hasn’t bothered to apologize but still feels he is entitled to have a relationship with your son.”
“And has no problem emotionally manipulating you in order to get what he wants?”
“Yeah no. You’re not the AH here.”
“Tell your extended family that the discussion is closed and anyone who brings it up again will not be seeing your son for a long time.”
“IF and WHEN you want your son to have a relationship with your brother you will let him know.” ~ oneblessedmess
“NTA. He told you to get rid of your baby because he would be a burden and not a joy.”
“He is not someone to let be around a new life.”
“What a callus and awful thing to say, you are well within your rights to deny him.” ~ Livetorun123
“Not everyone would consider a child a blessing in that situation.”
“There was a correct way for the brother to supportively provide a safe space for OP to admit that she did not want the child.”
“If that is how she truly felt, but that is not what he did.”
“Instead, he turned it into a misogynistic assumption.” ~ SwimmingCoyote
“Exactly this. You don’t say anything at the funeral.”
“You don’t suggest.”
“A few weeks after, you ask OP for a sit down and you go through everything she needs assistance with.”
“That can include helping pack up her husband’s belongings, if she wants to.”
“My mum didn’t do it for about 3 years after dad passed and when she was moving.”
“It was entirely her choice.”
“And ask her if she’s thought about the future with the baby.”
“And being a single mother and if there’s anything they can do to assist her with whatever she chooses.”
“At most, you can tell her it’s going to be hard and if she feels like she’s going to struggle.”
“You’ll be there to support any decisions she makes and that she can count on you for any sort of support that she needs.” ~ aussie_nub
“NTA. If your brother was such a dear friend of your husband, then he would’ve been there to assist you during your pregnancy.”
“As the wife of his ‘dear friend’ and help his nephew, the child if his late ‘dear friend,’ thrive through life with you.”
“Instead he thinks that his ‘dear friend’s’ child is a burden and didn’t deserve to exist because a relationship with another man is more important and should’ve been your top priority, not the child you wanted to have.”
“Did you tell them that your brother wanted you to get rid of the grandson, cousin, etc.”
“That they claim to love so much because another man would view him as baggage?”
“You aren’t robbing your son from receiving love from an uncle.”
“You’re protecting him from the toxicity that a so-called uncle would give him.”
“What love could someone like him, who thinks children from a previous relationship are burdens to a new relationship, possibly give to your child?”
“Additionally, WTF tells someone else to abort a planned (assuming) pregnancy at the funeral of their spouse?!”
“That’s f**ked up in every way!”
“Especially, when it’s the funeral of your ‘dear friend.'” ~ Careful-Listen2277
First of all OP, congratulations on your son’s birth!
Reddit is here for you all the way.
Hopefully your brother can offer up an apology and you can work from there.
And sorry for your loss.