When women find out they’re expecting, it is usually joyous news.
Even though pregnancy is anything but an easy time.
In addition to cramps, exhaustion, and morning sickness, pregnant women’s emotions tend to be particularly fragile.
The last thing Redditor Even-String-3530 needed on top of her fairly difficult pregnancy was to find herself hospitalized with a head injury.
As a result, returning home from the hospital to discover that her in-laws had moved in, and were making a mess of things, was just enough to tip her over the edge.
Leading to an unexpected strain in her marriage.
Worried that she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my mom when my husband refused to listen to me?”
The OP explained why she wasn’t able to hold back her anger toward her husband after he allowed their in-laws to move in.
I (26 F[emale]) recently moved into my first home.”
“I am also 4 months pregnant with our first baby.”
“The pregnancy has been very hard.”
“I have horrible morning sickness.”
“It reached a really bad point where I passed out hit my head and my Dr admitted me to the hospital for a week.”
“When I got home my husband allowed his brother’s family to move into 2 of our 3 bedrooms.”
“They were evicted I don’t know why.”
“My office was tossed into our room, papers everywhere.”
“The house was a complete wreck.”
“Trash, dirty clothes, used diapers.”
“I started to cry.”
“It was like a light flipped; my husband was no longer the same.”
“My husband told me it ‘wasn’t that bad.'”
“My reply was, ‘fine, then you should have the house cleaned up before I wake up.'”
“Completley exhausted, I fell asleep for 4 hrs.”
“I woke up and went to get a drink of water.”
“I couldn’t. Every glass we own is scattered around the house.”
“They didn’t clean a single thing.”
“I passive-aggressively started to pick up the dirty dishes and washed them.”
Things only got worse from there.
“The following morning.”
“I was trying my best to work when their kids were crying nonstop.”
“Banging on the walls and so on.”
“Their mom was in her room for hours, ignoring them.”
“When my husband came home.”
“He was upset with me over how I didn’t make his brother’s wife feel welcome in our home.”
“By helping with their kids when she was tired.”
“Then continued to complain how nothing was done while he was at work all day in the house.”
“Yep, the same one he didn’t clean.”
“That led to a fight where I told him:”
“‘I am too sick to have company, and they need to leave.'”
“To which he replied they are his family, and he won’t kick them out.”
“I started to cry again.”
“I was beyond frustrated, exhausted. I physically couldn’t do it anymore.”
“I called my mom asking if I could come to stay with her.”
“Telling her the whole story in front of my husband.”
“Who at this point was completely shocked, angry, also, I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do.”
“My mom came with my brothers.”
“I have 3 older brothers.”
“My mom, super angry, told my husband, ‘since your family can stay, so can we.'”
“My mom quickly took charge.”
“I was sent to bed.”
“My brother’s started cleaning, complaining loudly at how disgusting my BIL family is.”
“Along with what a horrible husband my husband is for putting me through this while I am sick.”
“I got a text message from my MIL calling me an AH for not helping my husband clean up the house and putting my BIL in an uncomfortable position by having my mom boss him around.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling her mother for help after her in-laws made a mess of her house.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband shouldn’t have made such a large decision without consulting her first and agreed that picking up after themselves was the very least her husband and in-laws could do.
“Obligatory NTA.”
“Also just cause at this point in the saga, I have to ask, where is your husband in all of this at this point?”
“Kinda hoping MIL has also stomped down hard on his behaviors.”- Chemical_Inspection7
“NTA.”
“So while you are in the hospital, your husband, without even asking you, moves in his brother’s family. WOW.”
“His family, he cleans.”
“I’d be making him attend some therapy sessions because he needs a huge wake-up call.”- shadow-foxe
“Your mom is the mom of the year.”
“So are your brothers.”
“Lovely problem-solving.”
“Husband won’t take care of your needs NEEDS, btw not wants.”
“Rest is a need.”
“Clean dishes to eat off is a need.”
“Wtf.”- TinyBlonde15
“NTA, do you have hyperemesis?”
“I had that and at first, my husband and doctor didn’t take it seriously until I was vomiting to the point of passing out on the bathroom floor, and I lost 20lbs in the first trimester.”
“Your husband is a huge AH, and he’s not treating you well or considering your safety and the safety of his child.”
“This is one of those defining moments where he either needs to get his head out of his backside and act right, or you need to leave because it will only get worse.”
“This is how he’s treating you when you’re sick before the baby even gets here. How will he treat you when you’re recovering from labor and need help taking care of a newborn?”
“Is this really the environment you want your child to grow up in?”- Silaquix
“I officially love your mother.”
“NTA.”- CrystalQueen3000
The OP later returned with an update, sharing the current status of her marriage and clarifying some things about the situation.
“When my MIL showed up, she was super angry outside.”
“I could hear shouting but couldn’t understand what was said.”
“Once inside, she was shocked.”
“My house looked really bad.”
“My BIL lied to her about what happened.”
“My MIL quickly started to help my mom in the bossing mode.”
“My house is not just cleaned but deep cleaned.”
“My BIL and his kids are now staying with MIL.”
“She didn’t know about the eviction.”
“My in-laws helped them financially a couple of months ago.”
“My MIL was not happy about it.”
“SIL refused to come out of the bedroom.”
“She would scream through the door, but that was about it until her family came to pick her up.”
“I did talk to my husband.”
“He seemed very remorseful.”
“I asked for some space. He is staying at a hotel.”
“He asked to come by and talk to me tonight.”
“My mom and dad are here.”
“Both moms felt like I should have someone here since I am sick.”
“Both moms have set up a meal plan.”
“Where they trade off who will bring in dinner.”
“It was my MIL’s idea.”
“Thank you for all your advice.”
“I truly appreciate it.”
“Talk with husband: summed up since it lasted 4 hrs.”
“It was a hard talk.”
“He is remorseful.”
“BIL was only supposed to stay for a couple of nights.”
“Then leave. Originally he thought they would be gone before I got home.”
“He said he is tired and emotionally upset himself.”
“When I originally passed out.”
“My husband left to help a friend move.”
“He came home and found me.”
“He said he has no idea how long I was on the floor hurt.”
“He was originally scared I had died.”
“Since then, he has had nightmares.”
“On top of dealing with his family drama.”
“He admitted to dumping his frustration onto me.”
“When it’s not my fault.”
The couple discussed where to go from here.
“He begged me for another chance.”
“The next steps.”
“We are still separated.”
“He plans on staying at my brother’s house in his casita.”
“We are going to go to marriage counseling and Individual counseling.”
“He asked if he could come when the home health nurse comes each night and to my doctor’s appointments.”
“I agreed to that.”
And there was an update on her brother and sister-in-law, too.
“Update on BIL: his wife admitted to having an affair.”
“She told him she got married too soon and doesn’t want the responsibilities of being a mom anymore.”
“I am not sure what will happen with him and his kids, but I am shocked that she feels this way, especially with her kids.”
One has to wonder if the OP’s husband was even thinking based on his behavior and knowing his wife was going through a difficult pregnancy.
One can only hope that spending some time apart will be what it takes for him to learn to treat his wife with some respect.
Otherwise, the OP’s presumptuous in-laws might not be her in-laws for much longer.
Serious props to both moms for coming in and helping this mother-to-be set things (and her house) straight.