We can tell a lot about a relationship when the couple doesn’t realize they’re being watched.
But that can be especially true once the relationship feels “permanent” because of marriage or having a baby, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
After four weeks of not seeing her husband, Redditor overreaction536435 was surprised that her first interaction with her husband was a demand.
When she refused to comply, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked at how angry he became in response.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving my husband at the airport after he tried to make me carry his luggage?”
The OP was surprised when she first saw her husband after his business trip.
“My husband (32) was on a business trip that last for 4 weeks. Once he got back he told me to come to pick him up.”
“I drove to the airport and got inside the get him from there.”
“The second he saw me, he let go of his two big bags and started walking.”
The OP disagreed.
“I tried to get him to stop, but he told me to get the bags and follow him.”
“Note that I’m 12 weeks pregnant, but he told me that I’m still ‘in good shape.'”
“I told him those bags were too heavy for me to carry, but he went on a rant about how exhausted he was from sitting on that plane for 4hrs straight. His arms, neck, legs, and back hurt.”
“I refused to take a step ahead with those bags and told him it was his luggage, so he gets to deal with it.”
“His tone got tenser and told me that I was being annoying.”
The OP decided enough was enough.
“I told him to get someone to carry his bags for him and he replied, ‘I already have one, and it’s you. Come on, I’m so tired of standing,’ and then kept walking and ignoring me.”
“I left his luggage where he left it and walked straight past him.”
“He freaked out and started yelling at me to get back.”
“I walked out and got into my car and drove off because I was literally having none of it. I felt so upset and humiliated.”
Her husband was not happy with her.
“He got home by taxi but was livid at me for leaving him at the airport just because he asked for my help.”
“He also said I embarrassed him and made a scene and overreacted big time.”
“He went upstairs and stayed in the bedroom after the shower.”
“He is still upset with me, saying I reacted poorly and in an unsupportive; inappropriate manner.”
“AITA? Was this an overreaction?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the husband could have at least asked for help rather than demanding it.
“He didn’t ask for help, he dropped his bags and told you to go fetch them.”
“My husband has some back issues and he’s tall, so his back often hurts after a flight. There are occasions when he’s asked me to be the suitcase wrangler, and I’m happy to do it, because he actually asks and says please.”
“He doesn’t like to do it because he thinks it makes him look like a jerk to have his wife hauling suitcases, so I know it really hurts a lot if he asks. But even while he’s in pain, he asks nicely.”
“Again, for emphasis, the operative word is ask. Not demand.” – YoshiKoshi
“The whole, ‘I’m tired of standing’ thing. What if OP is tired of being pregnant?” – storeboughtwaffle
“Honestly, her being pregnant is not really the issue. Expecting OP to haul the luggage because hubby is too tired??? And handing off, or more accurately, DROPPING both pieces and just expecting OP to take care of them. Please…” – One_Ad_704
“NTA, OP. my fiancé lives 4,000 miles away from me. every visit takes somewhere between 20-40 hours to get there depending on how early my flight is (if it’s before 6 am, I have to set off around 6 pm the previous day because the airport is in a different city to me).”
“My last visit took 48hr from leaving my house to getting to their home, and I would never demand that they take my luggage. I might ask for help, very very politely, but I’d never demand, because my luggage is my responsibility.”
“It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been flying, because my arms work, and it doesn’t take that much energy to carry a couple of bags to the car.”
“Unless I was physically incapable of carrying my bags, id never even dream of making them do it for me, and if I couldn’t carry them for whatever reason, I would have let them know waaaaay in advance.” – Affectionate_Aside39
“What the actual eff?”
“He expects you, his pregnant wife, to carry his bags for him when he’s sat on a plane for 4 hours. 4 hours? What a hard knock life for him.”
“It’s so easy to get a trolley to move the bags yet he wouldn’t even listen to you but just demand you carry his bags like a servant.”
“You’re his pregnant wife, not his pack mule!” – wanesandwaves
“As someone who has recently gone from the UK to the US and back including a red-eye flight on which I didn’t get a wink of sleep, I laughed at 4 hours being exhausting for that guy.”
“The absolute brass neck of that guy to just drop his s**t and expect OP to pick it up after him and then carry it. OP is having a baby, but it seems she’s already taking care of one!” – ADG1983
“There was a viral video recently of a mime at a Seaworld stadium removing a backpack from a mother who was also carrying a baby and then handing the backpack to the unencumbered dad.”
“The comments were ALL excuses. ‘Oh maybe she was well balanced,’ or ‘Maybe it was her turn,’ or ‘Maybe she likes being independent and carrying it all herself…'”
“Yeah or maybe it’s the more likely scenario that happens all the f**king time.”
“NTA, OP.” – deaniebopper
Others were worried about the husband’s abusive traits.
“He made it a scene himself yelling at OP when she wouldn’t comply.”
“Absolutely NTA, watch out for this guy. Awful.” – Icy-Election-2553
“Hadn’t he just complained about how tired he was from sitting for 4 hours? What a jerk.”
“Also, in this day and age, who on earth doesn’t have suitcases with wheels on them? If he has a job that involves 4 weeks of travel, surely it pays well enough for him to get a suitcase with wheels! This guy is just obnoxious.”
“And yeah, it is concerning what others have said about abuse starting during pregnancy. This is definitely a scary situation.” – Sceptic-of-Everything
“Sometimes abusive people will do something like this, make a slightly unreasonable request and go bonkers if you say no, as a way to slowly train you into doing what they say.”
“Like, ‘If you only did this small thing we would have had a nice happy reunion. But you ruined it.’ etc.”
“It can honestly feel like it’s coming out of nowhere when it’s the abuser testing the waters.” – olfrazzledazzle
“This man is one who wants his partner to miscarry.”
“Happened to a relative whose husband INSISTED/DEMANDED she help carry a heavy oak frame couch.” – Outside-Ice-5665
“Red flags all over this one. He even referred to her as a bag. No way I would stay with this joke. I doubt if he is ever faithful. He has zero respect and now that she is carrying, abuse is about to turn up.”
“OP needs to leave and leave NOW.”
“NTA.” – anaisaknits
“For a split second, I forgot the title and thought he was excited and wanted to hug her. And then it all went bad. Forget that lover. You are a strong independent woman who knows when she’s been wronged.”
“Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.” – Impossible_Try76
“NTA. My husband works at the airport and sees a lot of stuff like this. He used to think I was a bit loopy when I kept saying women are treated like slaves. Then one day, his eyes just opened and HE SAW IT.”
“When men pull stuff like what your husband did in front of my husband, my husband will tell them to carry their own bags. And they do! These men are seriously gross.”
“I’ve heard much worse stories than yours, and yours… I’m humiliated on your behalf. Don’t put up with shoddy treatment.” – Impressive_Amoeba_97
“NTA, but I have to ask, does he normally treat you this way? This is a pretty glaring red flag.”
“He didn’t even speak to you? He never asked for help, but demanded you take his things for him? You’re pregnant and he’s expecting you to carry anything heavy?”
“He yelled at you, in a public setting no less, because you wanted to be cautious with your pregnancy and you’re also not a servant to be ordered around?”
“These are not normal or appropriate behaviors. Even if you weren’t pregnant, it isn’t okay to ignore your wife you haven’t seen in a month and expect then demand she carry your luggage.” – ghostofastorm
The subreddit was incredibly concerned on the OP’s behalf after reading how her husband not only greeted her at the airport but how he treated her after for not complying with his demands.
It’s concerning that this was their first interaction after an extended time apart, especially since the OP was pregnant.