Success is a wonderful thing.
To try and fail over and over again and then, finally, to attain your goal can be absolutely thrilling, even if a little shocking.
We want to tell everyone of our triumph, to feel our family and friends rejoicing in our accomplishment.
What happens, though, when a family member’s reaction to your success is anything but joyous?
This was the issue plaguing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) EuphoricInevitable28 when she approached the “Am I the A**hole“(AITA) subreddit for guidance.
“AITA for reminding my sister she was deemed not fit to adopt when she to adopt one of my twins”
First the background.
“Me and my sister Mia both suffer from fertility issues. I made peace with it long ago but Mia always wanted kids so she and her husband kept trying.”
“From IVF to adoption, all of them resulted in a dead-end.”
“I recently found out that I was 2 months pregnant with twins. My partner Kyle and I were surprised but happy.”
Time to share the news.
“I called up my sister and told her the news and said I was going to announce it to the family at a gathering at my house.”
“I expected her to be angry (as she has been with other family members for getting pregnant) and told her it was okay if she couldn’t come and felt it would be too much for her.”
“Surprisingly she said she was okay and therapy had helped and agreed to come.”
“So, three days ago I hosted a family gathering at our place and announced it via watching pictures on a projection screen, the last photo being my ultrasound.”
“Immediately all family members looked at me and they understood.”
Everyone was happy and there was no problem at all.
“All of them congratulated me and Kyle including Mia and her husband. Mia kept really close to me throughout the gathering and asked to see the ultrasound multiple times which me and Kyle brushed off to her being happy for me”
Or so the OP thought.
“That night Mia called me and said she had something important to say.”
“She wanted to adopt one of the twins.”
“I was appalled. I said I am not giving my twins up for adoption.”
But OP’s twin sister wasn’t taking no for an answer.
“She kept trying to encourage me to give in and said it would be the right thing to do since we were twins as well.”
“I was getting pissed off and told her I couldn’t even if I wanted to since all adoption agencies had rejected her application and deemed her unfit to raise a child.”
“She started crying, called me a b*tch and said I didn’t deserve to be a mother and wished the children not be born to a mother like me.”
“I hung up at that.”
“Since then my mother and some paternal aunts who also suffer from the same fertility issues have been texting and messaging me, calling me inconsiderate and selfish.”
“Kyle, my dad, and maternal family are with me on this.”
“My mother says since we didn’t plan the baby it wouldn’t hurt to give away one of the twins especially when she would still be in the family.”
“I have seen Mia breakdown during other relatives’ pregnancy announcements and be hysterical. I genuinely thought she was okay with my pregnancy after her being in therapy but apparently not.”
But with conflicting messages from the family, OP was unsure if they went too far in their response.
“Still, I did say those things to her knowing it would hurt her.”
“Some maternal aunts said it was probably a mood swing but I don’t know, AITA?”
Having made her case, OP offered up the situation to Reddit in search of guidance.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
“NTA x 1,000,000”
“I’m adopted, and generally subscribe to the concept of nurture over nature; however, with that said, OP I strongly encourage you to watch the documentary Three Identical Strangers.”
“The trauma babies feel being separated from their twin (or in the movie’s case, triplet) siblings is lifelong.”
“And then show the movie and the adoption agency’s rejection of your sister to anyone who questions your decisions.”
“And if even after all that they still think you should give your child to your sister, I would cut them out of your life.”~ldonkleew
Others thought Mia might not take ‘no’ for an answer.
“You should get some security cameras set up, document any and all texts or phone calls from her and other family members, you might want to change the locks on your doors, and I would specify in your birth plan that you are to have NO Visitors from this part of the family.”
“If she was deemed unfit then there is likely a good reason for it and you need to protect yourself and your children regardless of her feelings.”~wafflewizard26
“NTA Protect your children, your sister is not a safe person.”~rosejoy0
There was talk of Mia being in an unhealthy mental space.
“NTA. I’m sorry but the fact that she’d ask for one of your twins just proves she’s not in a healthy mental state to raise children.”
“No sane person asks that.”
“Some people might say it was going too far to mention it, but until she acknowledges the level of crazy she’s going to over her infertility and gets help for it, she will never reach a mental state fit enough for raising kids.”
“I’d also seriously be questioning whether or not any family members who are siding with her get to have anything to do with your babies. They’re just as insane.”~ RedoubtableSouth
Several suggested cutting ties entirely for safety.
“Do your mother and sister think these are puppies? Even if they were, I wouldn’t give one to your sister. She sounds a little unhinged.”
“I’d seriously be considering going NC(No Contact) with anyone who seriously believes it is your responsibility to give your sister one of your babies.”~Outrageous-Ad-9069
Of course, OP’s mother didn’t escape from the wrath of Reddit either.
“I think what’s worse is their mother apparently AGREES with Mia!”
” ‘Oh, they weren’t planned, just give one up – you won’t notice the difference’.”~Jezehel
Success in achieving a goal is a wonderful thing.
Sometimes, though, it reveals the ugliness inside someone else.
Hopefully, Mia gets the assistance she needs.