The average funeral cost in the United States, in 2025, is about $8,300 for a traditional burial with a viewing and vault, or around $6,280 for cremation with a viewing.
Total cost depends on what products and services are used—like caskets, burial plots, vaults, embalming, viewings, religious services, hearses, limousines, etc… with a full traditional burial ranging from $7,000 to over $15,000 nationwide.
But specialty services, like musicians or horse-drawn hearses, can push funeral arrangements into 6 digits. Direct cremation without any viewing or vault is still the lowest cost option, averaging around $2,200 nationally.
Many people are pre-planning and pre-paying for their funerals.
This option has the benefit of letting the future deceased choose what kind of arrangements they want.
A spouse looking to the future for their family turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their suggestion was deemed rude.
Icy_Target_9050 asked:
“AITA for asking my in-laws to pre-plan and pre-pay for their funerals?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband’s parents live with us, in our home, rent-free. We have a good relationship and I appreciate them, as they do me.”
“Until recently, my father-in-law’s (FIL’s) primary entertainment was using his Social Security income to go to the casino. Now, he’s unable to go by himself, and my mother-in-law (MIL) has taken over his finances.”
“She’s concerned that he has too much money in his account to qualify for Medicaid, because it’s been building up over the past few months.”
“I suggested that she pay for their cell phone bill, or that she meet with our local funeral director and start planning for their funerals, because it would be considerate to us.”
“My daughter told me that I was being mean. I told her that my own grandmother had done just that, and we enjoyed a lovely luncheon at a restaurant afterward with family.”
“But I did send my MIL a text with some funeral home pre-planning information.”
“Is my daughter right? Was I a jerk for suggesting she spend money by pre-paying for her own funeral?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I suggested that my MIL pay for her own funeral, basically if she didn’t want to pay me rent. Could that have been too untactful? Should I ask her for rent money instead?”
“I wish I could count on my husband to do that, but his family all like to bury their heads in the sand and depend on me for a lot of administrative things. So not out of the ballpark to come from me.”
“You know, even if they are reluctant to pay for it, this is a conversation we need to have with them. What if they don’t even want a big funeral service?”
“I actually used to give them money every month out of my paycheck. I’ve thought of taking the rent money and arranging their plans myself. They have no savings and very little SS income, hence why they live with us.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“I’m sorry but this made me laugh so hard. NTA and it’s a good idea, but damn, I think ‘please plan your own funeral’ really needs to be delivered by the blood-kid and not the in-law.” ~ Wild-Association1680
“My grandmothers planned and paid for their funerals. My parents looked into the costs for funerals and pre-paid for their cremations. I am currently looking into cremation and will be finalizing the plans this year.”
“It makes sense to do this so when it happens, my relatives will not have to worry about anything. I have seen sons and daughters saddled with costs as high as $15,000 for standard funerals.” ~ That_Log_9853
“NTA. This is a perfectly reasonable suggestion. I would be so ashamed if I had the means to pre-plan and pre-pay for my funeral and dumped it on my family instead after I blew money at the casino.”
“My grandmother has her grave all ready to go. I have a picture with her and me standing at it.” ~ MeanderingUnicorn
“Prepaid funeral expenses are generally not countable for Medicaid eligibility if they are set up as irrevocable trusts (irrevocable funeral trusts or IFTs) or irrevocable burial contracts. To be exempt, the contract must state that any remaining funds after the funeral are transferred to the state.”
“While this strategy can help people spend down assets to qualify for Medicaid, state rules on allowable amounts vary, with most states limiting them to between $10,000 and $15,000 per person.”
“Might be a good idea to ‘charge them rent,’ and put the money into an account as well.” ~ Street-Writing-1264
“As someone who just had to pay for my ex-husband’s cremation and funeral so our kids wouldn’t have to, I’d say that pre-planning these things is a kindness.”
“My kids didn’t deserve to have to do all of that; they are also struggling. As soon as this funeral is over, I am also going to pre-pay for my cremation.” ~ ArtilleryFern
“NTA. Everyone should preplan their funeral. You and your husband, hell, even your daughter. Maybe she shouldn’t pay for hers yet, but everyone should preplan theirs. You can always change it. This is how you get what you want.”
“Both my side and my husband’s side do this. When we lost my grandmother, it wasn’t a good day, but her funeral was paid for, we knew what dress she wanted, and we had already picked out the casket.”
“We knew she wanted a quilt draped over it at the viewing (she had made a quilt someone else in the family had wanted, and it was a last petty move to show it off, and we let her) instead of flowers.”
“If you don’t do this, you get screwed financially and make a bunch of terrible and emotional decisions.”
“Personally I love it. I like knowing that when my mom dies, I get to come apart and be a basket case. All the paperwork is done.”
“When my husband lost his mom it was the same thing, we got to feel the emotions because all of the thinking had been done and no one had to wonder if we were honoring her the right way or enough, we were respecting her wishes completely. All we had to do was cherish every memory.” ~
“My grandmother buried 3 husbands and 2 sons. After the first husband she said she would never, ever in a million years subject anyone else to having to handle funeral arrangements while grieving, so she planned her funeral.”
“It took a few years for her to actually get it all financially arranged, but we all knew exactly what she wanted in terms of a service, burial, etc…”
“Fortunately, in an unfortunate situation, all her kids inherited that aspect of her and so my dad literally talked about his funeral all the time. He had a heart attack and passed away extremely suddenly, and one of the only things that we didn’t actually need to put any thought into was his funeral.”
“He didn’t have it arranged and paid for like my grandmother (his mother), but we just collectively knew what he wanted because he talked about it so much. It honestly was definitely a relief to not have to think about it when dealing with everything else.”
“It might sound callous on the surface, and definitely should have come from your husband (or at a minimum, the both of you), but it’s a really reasonable request in my opinion.”
“Speaking from the point of view of having had to help with funeral arrangements for 4 grandparents, my father, and an aunt that may as well have been my mother.” ~ morbid_n_creepifying
“My father in law had a file he labeled ‘Death File’, and drew a skull and cross bones on the cover of it.”
“He had placed a copy of his will in there, wrote his obituary, planned his funeral, including all music, and had copies of all of the information regarding life insurance policies, bank accounts and any other accounts my mother in law might need.”
“It really was helpful. My brother in law took charge of getting all of the death certificates so she wouldn’t have to, but FIL’s pre-planning helped tremendously.” ~ Surleighgrl
“I had one relative who did pre-plan it (and pay for it all) and I am so grateful I would not have been able to do it.”
“And another close relative who did not, and I still have recurring nightmares, afraid I didn’t settle their affairs the way they wanted, even though I think I probably made the right choices.” ~ wandering_ones
“My Dad died unexpectedly when he was 46. Because of that, my Mom prepaid her funeral. 41 yrs later when she died at 87 we had enough money for the works…casket, flowers and a huge party with food and cocktails.”
“Some people walked into the restaurant and asked if it was a wedding. It was her last gift to us kids…no stress, and a celebration of her.” ~ Low_Cook_5235
“NTA, and would not have any issues if I were your MIL… I do think it’s a kind thing to do for your family. Nice and tidy.”
“That said I am not every MIL. Tread carefully on this topic and see where it goes. Preplanning is just prudent advice.” ~ Equivalent-Roll-3321
Death is inevitable, so why not plan ahead?