The reason family heirlooms are so precious is because of the history and family stories associated with that specific item.
But in the rush of trying to be “the one” to receive an heirloom, people can forget the true meaning behind them, confirmed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Though she wasn’t using the family heirloom diamond for her future wedding ring, the Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was honored to be the one to uphold her family’s history.
But because she was using the diamond for a necklace instead of a ring, the Original Poster (OP) was pressured to give the diamond to one of her stepsisters who wanted the family heirloom.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to pressure my grandfather to give my stepsister the family diamond?”
The OP’s grandfather had a special family heirloom.
“I am 25 (Female). My parents have been divorced for 15 years, and my dad has been married to his wife Laura for 10 years. Laura has two daughters, Katie (26 Female), and Sam (22 Female). My dad is very close to Katie and Sam and considers them to be daughters to him.”
“The grandfather I am referring to is my dad’s father.”
“My grandfather has a diamond that belonged to my great-grandmother, and it’s something of a family miracle since my grandfather managed to find it after WWII.”
“Unfortunately, he lost his mother and sister in the war, so he saved the diamond to be for the next woman in the family (to be set into an engagement ring).”
“Now, my grandfather has a thing about blood and family, namely if you’re not blood, you can be family, but you’re not in the family (I am pretty sure this is somewhat related to his trauma but it might be a generational thing).”
“Because of this distinction, his sons were not allowed to use the diamond for their wives’ rings because then the diamond would belong to the wife and the wife is not blood.”
The OP was the expected recipient of her grandfather’s heirloom.
“I am his only biological granddaughter, so it was always presumed that the diamond would go to me.”
“I got engaged last year, and I didn’t end up using the diamond for the ring. The diamond was not the color or cut of the style I wanted, and my grandfather knew that.”
“He offered to have the diamond recut, but I begged him not to because it is very valuable and I know how much it means to him.”
“Then he agreed that when I get married, he will set it into a necklace to be worn on my wedding day instead.”
But someone else wanted a chance to receive the ring.
“Now, Katie is going to get engaged soon. My dad is likely to be asked to walk her down the aisle. Laura asked that my grandfather give her the diamond for her ring since she is basically my father’s daughter.”
“My grandfather said, and I quote, ‘Not even over my dead body,’ and that the diamond will stay in the family.”
“That said, Laura, my dad, and Katie are now extremely upset.”
“My dad suggested maybe I could ask my grandfather to let them use the diamond, since I hadn’t used it for a ring anyway, and that he considers Katie part of his family and will be forever, so it should be okay for her to have it, especially since she is older so the ‘first’ woman as it were.”
The OP didn’t want to pressure her grandfather.
“My grandfather would probably relent if I asked him, but I said no because I would feel too guilty.”
“That diamond is all my grandfather has left of a family he lost in the most horrific circumstances when he was nine years old. They don’t even have graves, that stone is literally all he has to remember them. What right do any of us have to dictate what he does with it?”
“Katie, Laura, and my dad have all been texting and calling about how hurt they are that I am letting my grandfather exclude Katie from the family and that I already have a ring, why can’t I just help my grandfather soften and let Laura and her kids be part of the family.”
“I’m holding firm on it for now, but should I be?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some loved how respectful the OP was of her grandfather’s wishes.
“OP is proof of his survival. In a way, those that were lost continue through OP. So much NTA.” – Electrical-Leopard-2
“OP is NTA. OP shouldn’t persuade grandpa to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”
“If Katie and her fiancee can’t afford a nice diamond, they can look for cheaper alternatives instead of robbing an old man of his lifelong wish to pass a sentimental and valuable heirloom down to his descendants.” – Gullible-Mine8214
“It’s not for a lack of love but respect for a traumatic loss.”
“If OP did want to argue that marriage equals rights to the diamond, then wouldn’t they need to consider the earlier marriages and give the diamond to a daughter-in-law who joined the family before Laura and OP’s Dad got married? They need to stop trying to take the diamond from the grandfather.” – latents
“The OP said, ‘That diamond is all my grandfather has left of a family he lost in the most horrific circumstances when he was nine years old. They don’t even have graves, that stone is literally all he has to remember them. What right do any of us have to dictate what he does with it?'”
“NTA. I love you for this.” – Slight-Bar-534
“The diamond should go to you. Allow him to set it in a necklace and wear it all the time. It’ll make your grandpa happy. NTA.” – OLDLADY88888
“My cousin stole and pawned a lot of valuable jewelry years ago from my mom and grandmother. I’m still angry to this day (as is my mom) not because of the beauty or monetary value, but because of WHO the jewelry came from.”
“A ring that was a gift from my great-grandfather to my step-great-grandmother was one of the stolen pieces. It was a gift after their son was born, more specifically, the son that was born after my great-grandfather spent two years as a prisoner of war in Japan, serving overseas when he wasn’t legally required to but did because he was one of the first American pilots recruited to Canada when WWII broke out.”
“It was a miracle he was able to live through the camps, come home, and continue living well enough to have another child and a long, loving marriage. Whoever bought that ring has no idea of the love, dedication, and bravery behind it, and obviously, my cousin didn’t understand it either.”
“It’s a violation of OP’s grandfather’s memories, trauma, and love for his family to even suggest he changes his stance on how he passes on the ONE tangible symbol of family.”
“His family heirlooms have already been taken from him before, and it is not unreasonable for him to be set in his decision to control the passing of the one heirloom that survived with him.” – Ok-Armadillo-2765
Others felt the rest of the family had lost sight of the importance of the diamond.
“Everyone else seems to be regarding it as ‘a’ diamond (and honestly many laypeople go bonkers over the concept of a diamond, when a lot of older diamonds have just as good odds being flawed, chipped, poorly-cut one as they do a pristine, internally flawless specimen), but she regards it as ‘THE’ diamond.”
“A special, unique family heirloom with history and meaning, not a simple dollar-value commodity.”
“OP, I hope you wear that necklace with pride, at your wedding and every day beyond. If anything, also, having a special diamond like that mounted securely in a well-made necklace means you won’t be risking banging it against countertops and walls nearly as often as it would be in a ring.” – StudioCute
“Considering the slaughtering that took place in places such as Budapest at the Danube, the liquidation of the Warsaw ghetto, etc, he probably had to, as a small boy, take it from the body of his murdered loved ones, the poor innocent lad. We cannot imagine the suffering they witnessed/endured.”
“I could never have the gall or the gumption to make such a demand of a family I was marrying into that I wasn’t even related to, much less a survivor of the f**king holocaust for their family heirloom!” – WolfPawn
“The stepdaughters and dad are being very disrespectful by repeatedly insisting the stepdaughter gets the diamond. The grandfather said no and has always made it clear how he wants the diamond passed.”
“By not wanting to pressure her grandfather, and also not wanting the diamond recut to suit her ring, OP is already showing more respect and care for the history of the stone than the others.” – Shibaspots
“Grandpa feels so strongly that the diamond goes to someone female in his direct bloodline because it belonged to his mother who didn’t survive the war. The fact they don’t accept this reason as valid just reeks of disrespect and entitlement.” – Final_Figure_7150
“Since they are Jewish, he is focused on the diamond going to the only biological granddaughter over the grandsons, since Judaism passes matrilineally because he knows the descendants of OP will be Jewish (especially if the stepdaughters are not Jewish). This makes a lot of sense to me since he is a Holocaust survivor.” – ebolainajar
Not only was the subReddit grateful that someone was respecting the grandfather’s wishes, but they appreciated the fact that the OP understood the significance of the ring since she was the recipient.