When Redditor ontwatchgrassgrow found out their father passed away, they wanted to go to his funeral.
There was only one problem.
Their relationship to the father had a controversial history that prevented an opportunity for proper mourning.
After causing drama from making a unilateral decision, the Redditor visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for going to my dad’s funeral against his widow’s wishes?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“So I’m the product of an affair. My dad’s wife forgave him for getting my mom pregnant on the condition that she and their kids never have to see me or hear about me, and he couldn’t see my mom.”
“Even so, my dad was involved in my life right up until he died, and we were very close. After he died I contacted some of his family members (not his wife or kids, I didn’t want to upset them) to ask if it would be ok for me to go to the funeral, and I just didn’t get any replies.”
“I ended up deciding that since I’ve never met his wife or kids or most of his family they wouldn’t even recognize me so I could just quietly be at the back and not bother anyone.”
“Turns out his wife did recognize me (I don’t know how) and she interrupted the service to drag me out of the building and yell at me for being there, and then when I tried to leave she followed me to my mom’s car to yell at her.”
“Now I’m embarrassed and guilty that I upset her and caused drama at the funeral and dragged my mom into it.”
“My mom says I didn’t do anything wrong cos I couldn’t of known my dad’s wife would know what I look like, but I’m not sure if she’s just trying to make me feel better.”
“I just wanted to say bye to my dad, I wasn’t trying to cause any trouble. AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors saw the OP was not the a**hole here and also weighed in with other insightful information.
“If you are in the US, be aware that there is a Social Security “survivor’s benefit” that you are eligible for until you are 18.”
“I mention it because it seems like it is unlikely that your dad’s wife will share that info. It’s a government program meant to replace some of the support he gave. https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/ifyou.html#h4” – ben_burnache
“NTA. He is still your dad and that’s an asshole move of her to kick you out of your own father’s funeral.”
“It’s not your fault he cheated on his wife resulting in you being born. It’s even worse that she did that because you actually had a relationship with him.”
“It doesn’t matter that she is grieving, what she did was malicious and attention seeking. She could’ve just let you sit in the back silently and ignored you but she chose to cause a scene.” – ExtremePotatoFanatic
“She’s the one who caused the scene, not OP. The fact that she stopped the funeral to single OP out was completely disrespectful.”
“If anybody would have done that at my dad’s funeral for any reason I would have chewed them out. She could have confronted him after the funeral or just just forgot it, I’m sure OP just tried to stay in the background anyways.”
“NTA 1000x over.” – DrWhoop87
“NTA You have the right to stay there. At the end of the story. You were polite and calm, and this woman looks terrible in front of all her friends and family. Sorry for your loss.” – FaithlessnessLost812
“Op didn’t have any control in the circumstances of their birth. They get to mourn their Dad too.”
“Their loss is as valid as anyone else’s. This makes me so sad. OP I’m sorry for your loss, NTA and I wish you all the best.” – Peony42
“NTA you weren’t there to cause a scene, just wanted to say goodbye to your father. I’m sorry for your loss and having to deal with that.”
“She’s an AH but I’m sure grief and seeing you really messed with her, she probably looked you up online or if your dad had recent photos I’m sure she found them.” – Demagolka1300
“NTA. You have a right to be there. End of story. You were polite & quiet, and this woman just made herself look awful in front of all her friends and family. Sorry for your loss.” – iwantasecretgarden
“NTA. She is delusional. She decided to forgive him under the condition that she could pretend you never existed to uphold a fake life.”
“She shouldn’t know what you look like if you’ve never had contact with them. She ruined the funeral by dragging you out and making a scene when your dad is the one who hurt her by cheating in the first place.”
“You have a right to be there and she was disrespectful and disgusting.” – Gogowhine
“NTA but your dad’s wife sure is! She is blaming you for something her husband did. She never really forgave him, she just decided to take it out on you and your mom.”
“I’m sorry you couldn’t say goodbye properly. She did not have tue right to take that away from you.” – sneeky_seer
“Nta. Sounds like your dad’s wife focused her anger at your dad onto you.”
“None of what happened is your fault and you have a right to grieve your father as much as she does. You had every right to be there, she’s 100% wrong.” – HarlesBronson
“NTA and consult a lawyer. If you are left out of the will you have a right to sue as there is a reasonable expectation as his child you would be included.” –Â yavanna12
In response to the above, the OP said:
“I don’t care about money, I’m not gonna push to get money if he didn’t leave me any, that’s his choice.”
Overall, Redditors agreed the OP had every right to attend the funeral and they weren’t the ones who created the drama.